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I wish I could get kicked out...


PinkValiant

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Or at least, move out. But my parents have this mentality which 'if a woman leaves the house, she is disowned', hence completely dissociate themselves from anything to do with me and never take me back in, no matter how bad things do turn out for me if I leave.

 

The thing is, I've been butting heads with my parents a lot recently. Being almost 20 and entitled my own privacy and ability to make my own choices means NOTHING to them. 'As long as I'm under their roof, it's their rules'. But when I can't move out and will never be kicked out (and often I wish I would be), how can I live my own life?

 

I can see that my dad is slowly getting back into his abusive ways. He's impossible to talk to, is spiteful and condescending towards how I feel and his anger takes over all rationale. Last fight, a couple of days ago, he threw something hard at me to which did not leave a bruise thanks to defensive reflexes. But I'm not sure his threats of 'I am ready to go to jail just to teach you a lesson' are just empty threats anymore. One more strike and I'm out. For good maybe.

 

But I go to school full time and work at a crappy coffee shop making a measly 8.50$ an hour. I'm really thinking of finding an office job during the winter break and make enough money to afford a dorm at school. It's 300$/month so I guess it's not all that bad. That way I can still go to school and...somehow manage to gain some freedom.

 

I can always take a year off, work full time to afford an apartment and pay off some debts and pull my life together. Maybe even save enough money to go as an exchange student abroad. That's what I really want.

 

But I'm not sure if this would all be worth cutting myself from my family in the end. I'm really at loss at what to do. I hope this post doesn't sound like a cry for attention, but I've never talked to anybody about this and it's making me more miserable and helpless by the day.

 

Sorry about the long post.

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Do you really think your parents would disown you FOREVER if you moved out?? My parents are very old fashioned and my dad was very controlling - he too was abusive (more emotionally then anything) but it was a complete drain on me. Dont get me wrong though, I love my parents regardless. They raised me to be a good person even if they didn't do it in the most loving way. My point is - I was told I would be disowned too if I moved out. I stuck around for awhile because I didn't want my family to disown me, eventually around 25 I left, I been out since and my parents did not disown me.

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Anyhow, under your parents house it IS their rules. So in the meantime try getting a better paying job, and start saving for the dorm. If you haven't already try writing Mom and Dad a letter in my experience talking gets too heated and nothing but a fight comes as a result, they tend to absord more of a heartfelt letter. Ask them for some more freedom, but don't forget to tell him that you respect them, and that you're willing to compramise on some rules, curfews and chores. Try that.

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At my school, the RAs on the floors lived in the dorms for free. It's extra responsibility but definitely worth it in comparison with how much money they saved. Maybe transfer to a school further away so you "have to" move out. Apply for the fafsa & other scholarships.

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I'd say fight the urges you have to rebel until you finish college. I know it's hard but you really don't want to be disowned, I've been there. I was disowned and my life has been much harder because I failed to comply with my parents wishes.

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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