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I don't know what to do....


hanalei

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Ok well, I went out with this girl for two years, I'm 19 (turn 20 next month) and she just turned 18. She broke up with me about a month ago, because she said she wasn't into the relationship anymore. She said she started getting over it around the year point in the relationship when I broke up with her after a year because I wanted freedom. I went out to partys and stuff, but realized I really didn't want that and I wanted her back. So she took me back because she is such a great person, such a great girl and I couldn't and still can't see myself with anybody else but her.

 

So this whole time we have been broken up, I at first begged for her back which I know wasn't smart. But she continued to say no. So I tried no contact for a while but eventually gave in because the feeling of emptiness and depression in me took over. I didn't want to get out of bed, go to work, or do anything. But she rejected me again, this time swearing at me, saying some mean and hurtful things. So I didn't contact her again until today when she said she was sorry for saying those mean things. She said she is willing to be friends, and she is only 18 and over me and she doesn't want to be with just one person for the rest of her life. Man that hurt me so bad. If I even think of her with anyone else I break down. She still says ok we can be friends, just not hang out all the time or talk/text like we used to.

 

So my question....do I just try and accept the fact and try to be her friend? Just go with the no contact and try to be strong? Or is there any hope you think that the love of my life will come back.....:sad:

 

Thanks

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I have been there before. It's a hard situation to I know. It's gonna be hard at first like it is with everyone. But if you Focus on somthing else (like your job, or studies maybe) and eventually with time and possitive actions you can move forward and get over her. You will come away from it a wiser person too. She seems to have made it clear that she dose not want you back I am sorry about that too. But I always tell myself after a breakup there will be no one better. But everytime someone better has come along. There is no time limit. It just happens when it happens. Previously it took me like 7 months.

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Hi Laaboy and welcome to ena.

 

I am so sorry for your current situation - I know it hurts like hell.

 

I think your best bet here is to take her at her word - that she does not want a romantic relationship with you. Nobody can tell you what the future will bring but if you assume it is over and that she is not coming back any time soon then you put yourself on the healing ladder that much sooner. I honestly wouldn't hang around in friendship mode either because it will just set you back. How would you feel if she offered for you to meet a new boyfriend for example. Harsh I know, but it is reality.

 

As I said, nobody knows what the future holds but you have to look out for you for the time being. Take things a day at a time and come back here if you need to get things off your chest.

 

Sorry that I don't sound so hopeful but know that you will get over this in time.

 

Mark

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Thanks for the advice. That really hit me there, imagining her with someone else, yeah it hurts man. I told her I would be hurt if she were to see anyone else so soon, but she said even if she does I can't do anything about it and to know there are no restrictions to anything and seeing her moving on will help me move on too and accept our friendship. Damn, but thinking about it now I don't think that would help at all. I would be more heartbroken. I keep hoping if we hang out as friends and stuff maybe it will create a spark or something but she is so set on me not pushing it, she constantly tells me that.

 

I think what I need to do is just tell her that we can't be friends and ask her politely to just not contact me anymore. I'd have to be tough about it, because I will always get the lonely feelings inside of me missing her and feeling so down everytime I do something, but I guess I have to think about how shes moved on and there is nothing I can do. It will suck to shut this girl out of my life completely but theres no hope already....but thats just what I think, I don't know what actually will come of this. Would like to hear more responses if possible though, thanks guys and girls.

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I agree with Clabs. It is best for your own healing process if you not remain friends with her. Being her friend will just give you false hope as you over-analyse her words and actions thinking maybe she is softening. That will drive you crazy. You are still young and I am sure you will find someone else in due course and it will be even better.

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Let me relate by saying I am in a similar situation. I just turned 20 last month, and she just turned 17 a few months prior before me. My ex gf said the same stuff to me "just lost passion" or as you put it "wasn't into the relationship anymore"...she didn't say those last words you said, but implied it. This is common in young girls and the younger they are up til about say mid-20's this is somewhat common...

 

...i've been split up now for a little over 2 months and I'm still hurting but nowhere near as bad as I once was. If it was meant to be, then she'll come back. Usually this kind of thing happens because the girl is really selfish...it's also the worst way to dump someone because you feel like it isn't in your control anymore.

 

It's more a sign of immaturity than anything else on their part. You just have to accept it for what it is, reflect, and move on. Most ex gf's I know that do this DO in fact come back sooner or later, provided you stay NC the majority of the time.

 

I actually read a book on this about the psychology and evolution of man. It was pretty interesting. Basically, it stated that before a selectable mate wants to pass on it's genetic material it will most often opt for the most viable before the time of peak fertility comes, regardless of circumstances. So in a way, it's more of a biological clock than anything else.

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Shes ignoring me, because I wanted to hang out today but she said no she doesn't want to hang out or talk that much, and I asked why not we are friends. Now she's pissed at me =[ Man this sucks so bad to know there is nothing i can do. What is killing me is that deep down I keep having hope she will come back. I guess I have to get it through me shes not coming back, but how do I do that...I live in Hawai'i and we have been everywhere on this island and it brings back a memory. I can't go out and have fun with my friends, and I don't even like to wake up in the morning because that feeling of emptiness without her just overpowers my whole body. Damn:sad:

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I think being friends will cause you too much hurt if you're still really hoping to get back together. Most people on here would say the same thing. It's something I'm still really having trouble with I find it just puts me back at day one as far as healing and letting go are concerned.

 

I really hope things work out for you and that you find a way to move on.

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