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Are they pushing me away? Or is it me that's pushing them away?


RoxyGril

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I have been staying with my bf for the past few days and haven't been near my parents since probably Saturday. Well, last night my bf and I deceide that we wanted to talk to my parents to have a better understanding of what's going with a curtain issue. It started out ok until my mom had said something that just pissed off my bf. To her she thinks that my bf doesn't respect, love or care about me b/c he doesn't want me to live with him. That's not true at all and my bf and I have talked about living together a couple times before.

 

Both of us deceided that it's best to have me live on my own b/c we don't want to rush into anything so quickly b/c there could be something that might happen down the line and we are wanting to improve ourselves. There are so many things but by doing the correct way and not rushing into it. Cause rushing into it something may happen. We both want to so badly but waiting and see where our relationship goes just might be the right thing to do.

 

My parents think that he has changed me into a different person but he hasn't at all. He has opened so many doors for me and I think he has opened my eyes for reality. He wants the best for me and is giving me the supportive and advice. I don't get a whole lot of advice that is good from my parents. That my parents can't control me any longer and that I can handle things on my own. They say that he's pushing me away from my family that loves me and cares about me. I understand that they do and don't really want to lose the relationship with my parents. But, I think they are the ones pushing me away from them and feel that I need to distance myself from them. They don't like my bf at all b/c of what I have explained and that they think he's a bad person.

 

But, I see that he has approached the situation and tired to get a better understanding and a point of view from my parents plently of times. They still have never accepted them and it seems as if they disliked him for things that happened over a year ago and that he's only been trying to do the right thing.

 

My parents want me to move back home and I told them that I'm not b/c I can handle being there any longer. My patience, stess and tolerance can't deal with them any more.

 

Is it okay to stay away from them for awhile? I honestly don't want to return home. I feel that I may have to distance myself from them. I feel that they have pushed me away from them. Is it okay to feel that way even though it angers them a lot? Are my parents pushing me away or am I pushing them away from me?

 

I can say that I feel a lot better not being around them. I feel a lot happier and that I feel a lot more grown up then when I lived with my parents...

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Yes, it's okay to stay away from them for a while. While they're your parents, and they DO want what's best for you, parents often have a very wharped idea about what is actually best for you. As long as you can handle it financially, don't move back in. they'll understand eventually, they have to, they're your parents. You are an adult, after all.

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Yes, it's okay to stay away from them for a while. While they're your parents, and they DO want what's best for you, parents often have a very wharped idea about what is actually best for you. As long as you can handle it financially, don't move back in. they'll understand eventually, they have to, they're your parents. You are an adult, after all.

 

I do think that they do have a pretty wharped idea about all it. It seems like they don't want to take any of the blame at all and instead blame it on my bf and I. Saying that he's changed me and how unsupportive he is, that he doesn't care. TOTALLY NOT TRUE! He hasn't changed me one bit. He is giving me answers that are true, honest, and what needs to be heard. I'm an adult and feel that this is the point where I don't need to be in their house any longer.

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I do agree with that a lot. I don't understand why they would tell me to leave and that I didn't have a choice and then a few days later they want me to come back. I have told them that I'm not coming back to live there. I can't do it any more and handle the situation with them. Espically if I am not on the best of term with my mom.

 

I was talking to my mom a few hours ago telling her that I'm not moving back and want to come and get my things out of my room. She tells me that my bf isn't allowed in the house to help me pack and that I'm not allowed to come pick up my things. I told her that is not right or fair to do that. There are a lot of thing that I have purchased on my own and things that I have recevied as gifts. Which I find unfair b/c I could use the help from them and feel that I have the right to come and get my things.

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What happened to cause them to tell you to leave in the first place?

 

You're an adult and they can't keep the stuff that you purchased for yourself. If you're sure you don't want to go back, just go without your boyfriend, pack it up and take it.

 

My mom and I haven't been getting along at all really since probably last year. I find her to be self-centered, negative, rude, and a ignorant person. She thinks that no matter what she is right and can never admit that she is wrong.

 

What I think what caused this is b/c I stood up for myself and she couldn't handle that at all. It was over letting her know that it's not my responsibility to do my brother's homework. He wanted me to type his homework and I told him that it's his job to do and not mine. So, he tells my mom and she ends up coming into my room asking why I won't do it. I told her, "It's not my responsibility to do his homework for him. It's his and he had plently of time when he got home from school to do it. But, what does he do instead? Play video games and puts off his homework and when he want's it done he comes to me expecting that I do it. He needs to learn how to type and be able to become responsibile to do things on his own. He had asked me to type it, but I never said yes or no about doing it for him."

 

She got pissed off and slammed my door that was it for that night. The next day she tells me that she had read somethings that I had written down a piece of paper. I wrote that I hate living at home, I can't deal with my mom any longer, how I'm unhappy because of where I'm living and especially her, and I don't blame my dad for the divorce that happened when I was 18 months old. I don't blame him b/c I see how she is now and I have open my eyes to reality. She didn't like that so she told me that I had to move out.

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I think that you were right about the homework issue. You both sound very angry with eachother. I can't really comment on their feelings about your boyfriend, maybe they fear that thery're losing control of you because of him. Was he confrontational with them when he spoke to them or was he calm and mature? If he was rude in any way, that could be part of the reason your parents are upset. They might also be feeling threatened by him because he's pointing out things that are wrong, so they're feeling defensive.

 

But the bottom line is you're 22 years old and you're free to make your own choices and from what you've told us here, your mother does sounds like she's being very unreasonable and controlling in many ways. She really has no right to withhold your personal belongings from you. If she insists on keeping things that she purchased for you, I guess there's nothing you can do about that other than be patient and hope that eventually she'll let you have them. Things you bought yourself or received as gifts belong to YOU though. Have you spoken to her again about it since you posted yesterday?

 

What about moving out? If you and your boyfriend had originally decided to wait before living together, what will you do? Are you working full time and can you afford your own place? Your original question was about whether or not it was okay to stay away from your parents for a little while. Is that still the plan? Would they even let you come back after all of this? Would you even want to? These are things you have to think about.

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