Can understanding science, help us get through/understand a breakup?

[lux848]

Today I read an article about how Con Artists take advantage of unsuspecting victims. Now I'm not a scientist, so I'm only speculating. However, I think it has some relation to breakups that involve a dumper suddenly dumping the dumpee with little or no foreseeable reason. Often the dumper would say he/she has found someone better, and/or stating to the dumpee how he/she did something wrong. At the same time, the dumper might even apologize for dumping the dumpee, knowingly or unknowingly induce guilt upon the dumpee. Hence, compounding the severeness of the mental roller coaster the dumpee's going through, with little understanding of what's going on.

 

In our brain, there's a circuit called "The Human Oxytocin Mediated Attachment System" or THOMAS, which releases the neurochemical called Oxytocin when we are being trusted and it induces a desire for us to reciprocate the same trust and compassion that we've been shown.

 

For example, when a guy and a girl are dating, the girl would sometimes get upset over certain things, or cry about a passed away pet, appear as weak physically and/or mentally, or talk about a past hurtful breakup. Being the nice guy that we are, we naturally want to comfort the girl, make her feel loved, and etc. In the guy's mind, he thought he's doing a wonderful thing. Then all of a sudden, the girl dumps the guy. Now I don't think the dumper was consciously doing what he/she did. However, in the end the dumper did take advantage of the dumpee's natural compassion and trust.

 

I guess once we understand this chemical process. We know why we still want the dumper back. Because we believe that somehow we can help the dumper with his/her problems. In return, the dumper would see the light and want to be back with us.

 

Does it make sense? Comments are welcome. Below are the links to my source.

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[laisla]

it's true with one of my exes i was attached to some things and found it hard to let go - even though it wasn't REALLY him i loved. i just wasn't aware of my feelings then. it was a bit too much for me to handle and i was nowhere near mature enough to deal with it.

 

i don't think this is all due to science but for sure it has a part to play with our emotions.

[My Advice]

This is all true but it is more complicated than a basic understanding of neurotransmitters. Learning about psychology helps even more. And that includes far more than evolutionary psychology which can be a little narrow.