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On a "break"


cnik1010

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Me and my boyfriend have been dating 3 months and for the most part things have been good. the honeymoon stage is over, and now we aren't getting along. We've had some problems but not many. We have been spending everyday for 5 weeks together, it wasn't until yesterday that I came home.

 

I know what our biggest problems are. number 1, I am extremly insecure. Number 2, he is very quite and shy and doesn't express himself.

 

I know he cares about me. But sometimes i need to hear it. i need to know that he still finds me sexy and funny. I need to know he still wants to spend time with me. But since he doesn't express these things I have to try to get them out of him, and sometimes, well most of the time it turns into a fight.

 

There are some trust issues as well. When we met he told me he was never married. I found out two months later from his brother that he had been married. I was upset with him, not because he was married but because he lied to me. He said that it isn't something he likes to tell people about when he meets them. And that he knew he lied, and he knew he would have to tell me, but didn't know how. I have decided to forgive him because I understand everyone makes mistakes. I am not perfect so I cant expect him to be either.

 

We are taking a couple days to think about things and try to figure out how to fix things. I don't want to lose him. And i really think he is worried too.

 

The only thing I can do is work on me. And fix my insucrities. How do I do this? How to let him know that I need these things without starting a fight? i just don't know how to fix it. Any advice would help.

 

Thanks!

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Space is what you need for sure. It could also be that you guys rushed in too quickly. Spending that much time together when you're still trying to get to know each can be tough. After the honeymoon phase you start to learn your differences and whether you each can live with them or not. Insecurities don't go away over night. It will take some time to work through them. But the fact that he's still with you says something. You could also try an exercise of listing all the positive things in your life no matter how small they may be. Whenever you feel an insecure thought coming on focus on something positive. Also when you look in the mirror, focus on your qualities. "Ya know what, I have nice eyes, or even better I have a damn fine ass,". That's worked for me.

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I lost my job in August and am still unable to find anything...kohls hasn't called me back. It's not that i am stupid girl. i'm smart and have a lot of expreience. But when you never get a call back you cany help but wonder what's wrong with you.

 

I think I am going to start reading again...get my mind going...maybe then I won't feel like I have nothing to offer.

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