Help for a friend...no sex!

[bexiebaby]

Hey guys, just need some advice for my friend!

 

She has been with her bf for nearly 2 years but they haven't sex for the last month. They usually have sex every night.

 

He just says he is tired and isnt in the mood. I know people can get stuck in a rut but you need to make an effort. He hasnt been working anymore than usual, even less maybe. He has been smoking pot more frequently though.

 

She always makes an effort but he literally pushes her off.

 

She is worried that he is cheating on her, because usually he is a sex fiend.

 

The things is that their relationship has been perfect lately besides that.

 

I have never had a guy been like this before so Im not sure what to tell her. I have told her she has to talk to him but she is worried about what he will say.

 

Has anyone had this happen before? Any advice?

[Mythical_Suicide]

He could be stressed out.. Could be tired.. Could be cheating.. So many possibilities, she needs to talk to him about it. Plain and simple.

[redhearts]

If he isn't getting it from her, he is getting it from someone else.

 

Is he on any medications, or any recent changes? Like the past month, has anything happened?

[duppy_conqueror]

she needs to talk to him. end of story.

[sophie274]

Since "seducing" him has not worked, it is very important that she have a conversation about this with him OUTSIDE of the bedroom. I would recommend she not have this conversation after he has just turned her down - as emotions would be running higher than usual.

 

I would not jump to the conclusion that he is cheating, especially if she has not noticed any other "signs" of cheating. As MS said, it could be a number of things. I also wonder whether marijuana can have an effect on sex drive.

 

link removed (Conclusion of the article: long-term, heavy marijuana smoking can drastically lower sex drive)

[bexiebaby]

If he isn't getting it from her, he is getting it from someone else.

 

Is he on any medications, or any recent changes? Like the past month, has anything happened?

 

Nothing has changed recently. They have been fighting on and off about how he never gets any time with the boys. But he does most nights, and she doesnt complain. Its crazy, and thats what makes me think he is cheating.

 

My ex and him are really good friends and when I was with my ex, there were the three boys that were friends and the three girls. And my friends bf would always initiate, 'well WE are going out'. I use to get so angry because I wanted to see my boyfriend. I never use to understand why we couldnt hang out together, especially since we were so lucky to all be friends.

Its not like we would have been hanging off them.

It got to the point where my bf said, ' I wanna hang out with the girls, I wanna see my gf. Why cant we all hang out'

That was the only time he did it.

 

It wouldnt surprise me if he was cheating on her. He is a crazy flirt, especially when he is drunk. But she loves him too much, and is scared that he will break up with her if she says anything.

I said, " there is two people that make a relationship, no one"

[redhearts]

Well if he breaks up with her, then hey he is actually using any little excuse to get out of the relationship. In turn doing her a favor. You can't jump to conclusions, you also can't start getting all nosy and in the other persons business. She does need to COMMUNICATE with him that is a major part of relationships. She has to talk with him and ask him why there is no sex? I mean really if this guy is a sex fiend, wanting to hang out with the boys more isn't going to change that. Something is up, maybe he doesn't want to be with her? Or maybe he wants someone else and hasn't acted upon it? Or maybe he wants to know what else is out there? Or maybe he did dip his stick in some juice.

[sophie274]

That's quite a different story than the "perfect" relationship you mentioned above!

 

If you think he is cheating, you might be onto something. Unfortunately, there's not too much you can do - I would caution against trying to convince your friend that her bf is cheating, or anything of that nature.

 

I think the best thing you can do is be open to her, and let her know you are available if she wants to pick your brain. You can help her figure things out - how happy she is, if the relationship is working out - without telling her what to do.

[bexiebaby]

That's quite a different story than the "perfect" relationship you mentioned above!

 

If you think he is cheating, you might be onto something. Unfortunately, there's not too much you can do - I would caution against trying to convince your friend that her bf is cheating, or anything of that nature.

 

I think the best thing you can do is be open to her, and let her know you are available if she wants to pick your brain. You can help her figure things out - how happy she is, if the relationship is working out - without telling her what to do.

 

Well, I guess what I meant by perfect, is that he has been trying a lot harder recently, cooking dinner and such. Taking her out.

 

I am in no way gonna convince her that he is cheating, I am just listening at this point. She knows im here for sure. I just want her to be happy.

 

I guess I'll just have to see how it pans out. Thanks so much for your help.

[bexiebaby]

Well if he breaks up with her, then hey he is actually using any little excuse to get out of the relationship. In turn doing her a favor. You can't jump to conclusions, you also can't start getting all nosy and in the other persons business. She does need to COMMUNICATE with him that is a major part of relationships. She has to talk with him and ask him why there is no sex? I mean really if this guy is a sex fiend, wanting to hang out with the boys more isn't going to change that. Something is up, maybe he doesn't want to be with her? Or maybe he wants someone else and hasn't acted upon it? Or maybe he wants to know what else is out there? Or maybe he did dip his stick in some juice.

 

Dip his stick in juice.... LOL... I like that one.

 

I am just letting her know Im here no matter what. Just wanted other peoples opinions. Thanks!!!!

[sophie274]

Well, I guess what I meant by perfect, is that he has been trying a lot harder recently, cooking dinner and such. Taking her out.

 

I am in no way gonna convince her that he is cheating, I am just listening at this point. She knows im here for sure. I just want her to be happy.

 

I guess I'll just have to see how it pans out. Thanks so much for your help.

 

You sound like a good friend!

 

They say gut instinct is usually pretty good (provided one isn't terribly insecure). So just listening and helping her get her feelings out there will probably be helpful.

 

I hope they figure things out.

[bexiebaby]

Thanks Sophie274. I try support my friends in their relationships as much as possible.

After my friends ditched me a couple of years ago, I was in a really destructive relationship... (he didnt know what he wanted half the time) but I loved him so much and the passion was incredible. My friends confronted me and told me that if I didnt leave him they wouldnt be my friend anymore. After that I vowed that I would support my friends no matter, you have to make your own choices, however long that takes.

I would tell someone my opinion if I didnt agree with the choices they were making, but I know that I all I can do is be there.

 

Thanks again!!!

[ghost69]

i bet he's not attracted to her anymore. i know i did the exact same thing to an ex. no, i was not cheating as i never would.

[bexiebaby]

Update... they had sex last night, because she demanded it pretty much.

4 minutes...

Maybe your right Ghost69, maybe he isnt attracted to her.