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grieving properly?


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I'm not sure if I am grieving properly.

 

My birthday is tomorrow. I know she will not call. Or text, or anything. I realize it's over, yet part of me wants to hear from her. It's like a sense of longing and trying to find somebody that's dead.

 

I'm not sure if I am grieving properly. I love her a great deal. I'm not sure if I am letting her go. Or am I just letting go of expectations? I feel a little sad because I envisioned my days with her and she's gone now. I'm at a loss of words, a loss of actions and a loss of loving.

 

I keep pushing forward. Fighting each lonely day. Fighting the urge to breakdown. Accepting my emotions.

 

Tomorrow will be a milestone for me. My birthday, my 21st. I will not break no contact.

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I honestly don't think there is a "PROPER' way to grieve. Everyone has their own feelings to go through and everyone is different.

To me sometimes I think a break up from someone that you love so much can actually be worse than a death. At least with death they are gone from this earth and didnt leave you cause they wanted to.

It is so hard I know, My ex is 5 blocks down the road and a text or call away and I can't do a thing!!

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I just don't understand all this "No Contact" business.

 

I used to call the former Mrs Nurseman on HER birthday and the Earth did NOT open and swallow me up.

 

I guess I am lucky. My Brother never fails to call me on my B-day (usually at 6AM) to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ya old fart!" But he is usually the only one.

 

Tomorrow will probably suck. But by the NEXT birthday you will probably be well involved with your next conquest and all will be right with the world.

 

Happy Birthday, buddy,

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Love does not just go away because the relationship ended. Can't turn it on and off at will. And yes it sux to love someone who doesnt love you back.

 

I hate it even more when I love somebody and they say they love me back, but won't be with me. Ouch and more ouch. A dagger to my heart and hammer to my head. So confused. She doesn't mean any of it. Or else she would still be with me. My head hurts from these lies. My heat hurts for believing in the lies.

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What you're doing is perfectly normal. I am divorced now for 2 years.

 

The first 9-10 months When we were separated, I would come home almost every night and look at the answering machine to see if my wife had called. Nothing. She never even called for my birthday, X-Mas, New Years, nothing.

 

When the divorce came, I still found myself occasionally looking at the machine. Nothing. Now even 2 years later, I'm sure on say X-Mas, or my B-day, a small part of me will still think "huh, I wonder if I'll hear from her."

 

Basically what I'm saying is, I think about it A LOT less. And I NEVER expect it anymore. It takes awhile, depending on how long you were together.

 

I'm still amazed to this day, how my wife did complete no contact after about 3 months of separation. I never heard from her again.

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What you're doing is perfectly normal. I am divorced now for 2 years.

 

The first 9-10 months When we were separated, I would come home almost every night and look at the answering machine to see if my wife had called. Nothing. She never even called for my birthday, X-Mas, New Years, nothing.

 

When the divorce came, I still found myself occasionally looking at the machine. Nothing. Now even 2 years later, I'm sure on say X-Mas, or my B-day, a small part of me will still think "huh, I wonder if I'll hear from her."

 

Basically what I'm saying is, I think about it A LOT less. And I NEVER expect it anymore. It takes awhile, depending on how long you were together.

 

I'm still amazed to this day, how my wife did complete no contact after about 3 months of separation. I never heard from her again.

 

I see. I have another question... Do you still have feelings for your wife? I'm wondering how long I will be stuck in limbo with a broken heart. I'm wondering if this ever goes away. People say it does. But, I'm having a hard time believing so at the moment. How could something so right be so wrong?

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I see. I have another question... Do you still have feelings for your wife? I'm wondering how long I will be stuck in limbo with a broken heart. I'm wondering if this ever goes away. People say it does. But, I'm having a hard time believing so at the moment. How could something so right be so wrong?

 

It does go away little by little. I still love her but I'd have to give it a lot of thinking if she'd ask me to start over. This pain that she caused me is not free. She cheated on me and who can assure me that she won't do it again? The trust that we had is loooooooooooong gone.

 

Something so right be so wrong... We spent 26 months together, we already had plans of moving to Canada, buying a house and even named our dog. We never fought, my family loved her and hers loved me, all her friends and her sister thought (and still do) that I was the ONE for her, we lived together for 6 months (over here in Venezuela that's almost a marriage), did travels... A Disney story as you can see... Then came mid August 09 and in 2 weeks it all disappeared like sand in my hands. I was left with nothing!

 

And it's almost a certainty that when she takes a taste of what's out there and realizes that I'm a one of a kind guy and wants to get back with me, I won't be there! There are plenty of fish for me to pick. There are plenty of fish for US to pick. It's just a matter of time to heal and be able to meet someone else who can see and appreciate your value.

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It does get better, with time. The girl I was completely devastated over several years ago is now back-funny to say but she sent me a birthday card saying she thinks of me every day. She came over and spent most of the day here on Saturday...and while at the time of heartbreak, I would have given anything for that, now, is something entirely different, as I healed a long time ago and moved on. And now, I don't even think I will persue it. So yes, for me it was well over a year with a completely broken heart, and this just proves that with time, it all gets better.

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I'm not sure if I am grieving properly.

 

My birthday is tomorrow. I know she will not call. Or text, or anything. I realize it's over, yet part of me wants to hear from her. It's like a sense of longing and trying to find somebody that's dead.

 

I'm not sure if I am grieving properly. I love her a great deal. I'm not sure if I am letting her go. Or am I just letting go of expectations? I feel a little sad because I envisioned my days with her and she's gone now. I'm at a loss of words, a loss of actions and a loss of loving.

 

I keep pushing forward. Fighting each lonely day. Fighting the urge to breakdown. Accepting my emotions.

 

Tomorrow will be a milestone for me. My birthday, my 21st. I will not break no contact.

 

Grief is not linear and there's no way to do it "properly"... It'll take the time it takes. You are young -give yourself a break and give it time.

Birthdays are tough for the borken-hearted... but tomorrow try and remember that there is enough room in your heart for both the grief you feel over your break-up and joy. You can have a good day on your birthday even though are are grieving a lost relationship--it's not one or the other. An whether or not you hear from her, in the end your birthday is about you moving forward.

Happy birthday!

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Wow, well spoken. So coincidental! Mine left at the beginning of August too. That's so crazy! There are plenty of fish in the sea, why I am worried about the one that got away? I think I'm just working myself up because of my birthday and always thinking about her.

 

 

 

Thank you for telling my your experience. I'm at that point where I would give anything in the world to be with her. Unfortunately, my heart thinks that. My head does not. I'm torn between what I loved and what is really there. What did you do to get over her? I'm a lost soul looking for guidance. This is my first heart break. Unsure if I'm going about things the right way or am I wrong?

 

I know there are no right or wrong moves. Just life lessons. I have too much time on my hands to be reflecting on this at soon to be 21. Why can't I just drop this and act like she is another girl! Nothing special, just a stranger with history.

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I found burning my EX in effigy and picking a fight with the biggest bruiser in a biker bar to be helpful for me (well except fighting the big biker )

Seriously, there is no proper way to mourn. You do what is good for you. Think about the good times and the bad, just don't try to deny your feelings. Work them through and in time they will be where they should be, just pleasant memories.

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That's it exactly. I did nothing to get over her, per se'. I just soldiered on as best as I could, and was devastated for a few months, then just sad. Nothing really helped except time, as that sadness slowly fades. No contact is a necessity, to allow yourself the chance to heal. Find some diversions...drink heavily with friends-ok not heavily

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i don't think there is a proper way, just your way. there are plenty of fish in the sea, but you don't yet have a connection with those other fish, thereforee you will still grieve the fish you had the connection with. Once you have gone through the grieving and the healing, you will be able to focus on rebuilding and dating again etc.

 

I don't look for techniques or quick fixes, i just let nature take it's course and whether it takes 3 weeks or 3 months or 8 months, i just roll with it and don't fight it

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i don't want nature to take it's course.

 

to be quite honest i drnak for my bday! i feel like a burden has been lifteddddddddd

 

i know deep down that if i let go. i will never want her back after al lthat she has done.

 

i really do want her in my life. i really care for her. i cant be there ho w i want, but i love her. i will give her what she wants and to give her space.

 

she hurt me but i still forgive her. unfortunately i cant choose who i lvoe. i'm a guy wtih a big heart, i know that there are different things out there.

 

but i feel like that is the one. i dunno maybe i'm just naive but i waited until smoebody special came along! it was well worth it.

 

there is no right or wrong. just life lessons. put myself before others. but this is the one that i cant put before myself. i've never felt this way.

 

i'm scared to lose her forever. i really do care and miss her. i'm a lost and confuse soul amongst this chaos. she brings a calm to my soul and aching heart. i'm not sure if i will be able to find somebody else who does that.

 

time to let go and grow up. this is life and there is beauty in the let down

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