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How Foolish I Was....


CatsMeeoow

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

So long story short...

 

Guy meets me and adores me but knows I'm really from real bad breakup... stays anyway. I make it hard for him - sometimes I see him sometimes I pull away. BUT, in all fairness he failed to show more than once when I planned events... basically stood me up. He knows he screwed up.

 

We could go many weeks w/o talking and then text and call and meet up for dinner or he'd come hang out at my place. Or, I totally catch him off guard and take him to do something totally outside his comfort range - painting pottery (he's all jock!)

 

For a year and half he wanted to really be with me and for whatever reason he thought I was seeing others though I wasn't - just trying to mend a broken heart which he totally knew of and so I suppose he has now said he dated others too but if he did they were never serious.

 

In August I really wanted to make an effort. I mean here this guy stood here and kept trying like mad. I realized that I'd be a fool not to notice him.

 

But, again I wanted to do something and made plans for 6 weeks and then 2 days before he cancel with a conflict with his kids. I understood but at the same time was crushed - this was the big moment for me and this event was something I didn't want to miss. I'm a poor communicator and he knew I was mad and I just sulked.

 

But, that didn't stop me from trying. I called more... I texted more... I invited more.

 

Last weekend we had a very very intimate moment. We didn't have sex but I would have never done that with someone I wasn't feeling committed to.

 

Then yesterday I did the most foolish of things ever.

 

I rolled out of bed, hung around the house, threw some clothes on, didn't even wash my face or comb my hair and wasn't even wearing a bra - just big sweatshirt. AND took my son to Walmart.

 

Well this guy had actually told me he went to Walmart yesterday and I never run into people at Walmart. But, it was not my lucky day. I walked right by him... didn't even notice him as I was focoused on my son. Then I hear him call my name and immediately knew who it was - I so didn't want to turn around... I'm sure I looked a mess! But I did and smiled sheepishly and waved and turned back to what I was doing but turning several shades of red.

 

I could here him talking to the guy standing next to him and there were kids there but heck we were at the video department there are kids everywhere. I've never met his kids so I didn't know they were his. My son and I finished and went to the next isle and I could still here him talking. So as my son and I were leaving the area he's put his cart right behind mine... talking to me... I can't for the life of me turn around... I'm sweating and talking to my kid and talking to this guy with my back to him the whole time.

 

I texted him later about it but he didn't get it right away. He instead sent this email about how it is clear I am uncomfortable with him and he's done trying and he's moving on and we'll just be friends (which was weird because he defriended me on myspace... so really? friends?). But in the text I totally explained it was me that I was uncomfortable with - I was a mess and mortified and I'm so painfully shy and I totally panicked looking like crap for the one person I don't want to look like crap for.

 

He was kind enough to take a call after he sent the email and he was kind enough to talk and tell me how it was. And I told him the email made me cry and he was surprised at why I would cry and then I told him that I knew what I put him through in the beginning was wrong. And, that I had decided that any guy who stayed around for that was worth giving a chance to and how I had opened up my heart - he said he was completely unaware of my feelings and that he did not know that. I made it clear that no guy would be in my bed if he didn't already have a place in my heart (we had never been that intimate before.) Of course now it's all a little to late. My telling him how I feel changes nothing at the moment though he did say it gave him something to think about.

 

I wrote him a poem and posted it and asked him to read it - he did. But, he has not communicated with me all day. He has not told me what he is thinking. I just want to talk to him - for us to both give this a chance at the same time.

 

I am such a foolish foolish girl!

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I think you might have gone too far with writing a poem and telling him you cried and how much you like him..You guys have not seriously dated, so that kind of thing could scare him off more than how he already feels. I would have simply told him you were acting strange at the walmart because you felt like crap and were embarrassed, and also simply told him you really like him and hope that he could really be honest with you and give things a chance....Leave things at that.....It sounds like now that he knows the ball is in his court he is abusing this power. He knows you are vulnerable and really like him, so he gets to choose...It should be a mutual thing that you both really like eachother if you start dating...Did he say anything back after you said that..SOunds like you both have made mistakes in trying to date, but that he has been the less forgiving one..I would leave things light and open for him and not write poetry and post it and act needy.....And if he wants to give things a try, be honest and up front with eachother about how you feel and whats going on...no games...

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No - he chased me for a year and a half.... I put up walls.... I didn't let him in.

 

But as of August I wanted to be that girl in his life but we kept pretty much to the same routine... he was still smitten with me.

 

AND - yes... I told him exactly why I acted the way I did at Walmart and he even went so far to say if he had gotten the text first he wouldn't have written and said what he did but now that he did it is out there and the way it is.

 

The poem was to make up for all that I put him through when he was chasing me.

 

I did a really awful thing the second time we went out. Anyone else would have never talked to me again... not only did he talk but he kept trying to win my heart. That was a year and a half ago.

 

I told him I knew what I put him through was terrible and I was sorry and I could never take it back but that I have really been trying and he has a place in my heart - a very big one... he said he was never aware of it before I told him yesterday after he broke it off with me.

 

I just a giant boob... made a terrible mistake...

 

I care about him very much but now he isn't talking to me at all...

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Give yourself a big hug... and smile. It'll be ok!!!

 

Your reaction at Walmart... I can empathize, totally. Been there.

After being in a long term relationship and haivng babies, you get out of the bad relationship.

 

Your friends/family/co-workers.. everyone wants to see you happy and try to hook you up with the next available man. You however want the companionship but might not be truly healed from the previous relationship. So you bow down to pressures... pressure of others.. pressure on yourself... and you go out with a guy.

 

And badda-bing-badda-boom... you are at Stage one of the dating game.

All those gooshy nice feel good feelings. On one hand you are giddy like a school girl. On the other... your still aching heart is sending out warning signals... "danger danger... not again... " So in the confusion you try to regain a little bit of footing and set up boundaries, until you can figure out your head/heart/ and libido.

 

Am I following you correctly????

 

OK.. the WALMART meet-n-greet. Who knew, right? My mother is forever after me because I'll walk out of my house lookin like a "BAG LADY"... cause you never know who you will run into. Well maybe getting all dolled up to leave my house was the thing to do in my teens and 20's.... but in my late 30's and on-ward? lets just say I've gotten comfortable in my own skin.

 

BUT.... you dear, are still at that .. dressed to impress stage with your guy. That polite, nicey nice stage. You know, the stage where there is still some mystery left... where we still wear masks to hide our TRUE identity and all of our human flaws. At this stage, you don't have flaws... you don't have human bodily functions. You don't beltch, burp, pass wind, or permete body oder. You're legs are always smooth and shaved. Hair done just so. House clean. You are a well put together package. Is that right????

 

Well... as one of my guys once told me. "Darlin... we've seen each other naked. There's not much to hide anymore is there?" and he was right.

I am... as I am... and love me how I am. If you are gonna love me... love all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The masks have to come off at some point in order for the relationship to progress to the next stage.

 

You however... don't sound like you were quite ready for the relationship to progress. Had you been, you'd have contacted him prior to your "bumping" into each other at Wallmart.

 

OR... if you were hedging... then look at it this way... the sisters of FATE have done you a favor and put you together to be there at the same time, same place.. and get on with it already.

 

Do yourself a favor... laugh about it. Learn to laugh at yourself and don't take yourself so seriously. It'll make things a heck of a lot easier.

 

Maybe... the next time you meet this guy.. you might want to invite him over for dinner. Greet him at the door in a pair of sweats and sweat shirt... no make-up... no artiface... order a PIZZA, and just be you. If he sticks around and calls you after that... He's well worth the wait.

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oh..sorry..I guess I missread what you write, and I can see now how this guy is being cautious...But I still think you cant make up for anything by writing poetry and crying..Rather, lay it all out there, and tell him you are ready it give it a real try and wait to see if he wants to..,,If you keep nagging at him about it you will push him away,,,,,I think you guys have a good chance, as long as there isnt too much from the past that would bother him....

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he said he was never aware of it before I told him yesterday after he broke it off with me.

 

I just a giant boob... made a terrible mistake...

 

I care about him very much but now he isn't talking to me at all...

 

Well he won't be the first person or the last person who was the "LAST" to know that the other person was infact in love with them, just too scared to admit it to them... and to themselves. All great romance novels work on the same formula, ya know!!!

 

OK... so show up at his place of residence with a PIZZA and a SIX PACK of beer in hand. A peace offering.

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Thanks - but we talk frequently and yes he's seen some of my body parts! LOL

 

It's just I hadn't even looked in a mirror... dear god, did I have racoon eyes?

 

And I've had problems with shyness my whole life. Once I'm comfortable in a crowd... no biggie... I'm cool but till then I'm a mess sometimes. I'm okay with him unless I'm totally caught off guard and I've never met his kids and dear god... did I want to meet them like this?

 

The hard part is the WHOLE time he thinks its about him... that I clearly am way to embarrassed to be seen with him in public... what if someone I know sees me...

 

But - it was really about me... I was too embarrassed to have him seen with me in public - he was talking with friends... dear god - how do you introduce me??? Oh this is the girl I am seeing... sorry she's not wearing a bra today and looks like she lost her comb again!

 

I mean it is funny - I was laughing about it today at work... but the bottom line is he is done with me...

 

Well - I did get that classic line... if it's meant to be it will be and I don't want to be in a relationship right now...

 

Can't blame him can we????

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oh..sorry..I guess I missread what you write, and I can see now how this guy is being cautious...But I still think you cant make up for anything by writing poetry and crying..Rather, lay it all out there, and tell him you are ready it give it a real try and wait to see if he wants to..,,If you keep nagging at him about it you will push him away,,,,,I think you guys have a good chance, as long as there isnt too much from the past that would bother him....

 

Thanks but I didn't really cry in front of him and I didn't cry on the phone to him but just said his email made me cry.

 

And the poem was just that...

 

An explanation and a chance to say "I'm sorry and I would like to try again... and how much I realized he never gave up and I never made it easy but my heart is truly in it" in perfect iambic pentameter

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Well he won't be the first person or the last person who was the "LAST" to know that the other person was infact in love with them, just too scared to admit it to them... and to themselves. All great romance novels work on the same formula, ya know!!!

 

OK... so show up at his place of residence with a PIZZA and a SIX PACK of beer in hand. A peace offering.

 

Would that be stalkerish.... he just said we needed to go our separate ways... now granted he was upset... thought I was mortified to be seen in public with him but none the less he did say it... then along with "I'm sure if we both put our efforts into this thing from here on out - we could make a strong go of it... followed by he doesn't want to do that right now"

 

ugh...

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I think it will be okay, also. If its meant to be, it will be meant to be. Calm down. Its a lot for him to take: believing you hate him to seeing you write a poem for him. Either way, you are doing things normally...it was bad timing for him as you just got out of a break up. If it ain't easy, you better let it go, you know? Don't beat yourself up.

 

If he doesn't want anything, forget it and move on. It sounds like dealing with him,honestly, has been a lot of problems. YOu weren't ready at the time...and thats not either of your faults but if he isn't pursueing you for whatever reason, forget him.

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He's confused..Give him your all one more time by telling you are coming over and show up at his door with pizza and a six pack like shadow light suggested..If you have the guts to do it..Otherwise, write him one more letter or have one more talk, that you will let him be and understand why he feels the way he does and that he hopes that eventually he could understand the way you feel and leave it at that...Both go your own ways, and wait for him to come back to you..You need to cut him off and let him miss you enough to really think about things...I think you still have a chance, you just need a lot of patience, and you have to be prepared to walk away with the chance of it being for good..

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It's just one gianormous miscommunication....

 

All this time... when I was sorting and dealing with my issues and seeing him sometimes to basically appease he because he was so into me he thought I was keeping my options open and dating other people BUT truth be told I told him yesterday that I haven't been out with anyone since I met him 1 1/2 year ago. There was some casual dinner a very long time ago (9mo) with some guy but it wasn't a date and I left early and that's the closest I've gotten to seeing anyone other than him. He knows now I still just getting over an ex and he knew that from the day he met me.... BUT - now is it too late? Now that he finally knows he has my heart and that I wasn't ever seeing anyone else... just getting my S together!

 

I wish he would just text me like he used to.... it's only been a day and I already miss it.

 

I was so foolish...

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Would that be stalkerish.... he just said we needed to go our separate ways... now granted he was upset... thought I was mortified to be seen in public with him but none the less he did say it... then along with "I'm sure if we both put our efforts into this thing from here on out - we could make a strong go of it... followed by he doesn't want to do that right now"

 

ugh...

 

 

Would that be stalkerish... eh??? I don't think so, but then again thats me. Heck.. I've even worn a trench coat w/o anything underneath. But your relationship doesn't sound like it's "there" right now.

 

Look.. the ball is in his court. Whatcha gonna do. Many guys get the the kiss of death line... "I'm sorry, I'm still not over my X.. and I have to get my stuff together" and they see it as a "LINE" something a girl says to a guy when she's really NOT interested in him and is trying to let him down the NICE WAY. You never know... You may not have been dating in the last year, but he might have and struck out again.. and got the same line.

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It's just I hadn't even looked in a mirror... dear god, did I have racoon eyes?

 

 

I'm glad you were able to laugh at yourself a little bit. And this line made me smile. I can so so relate with the RACOON EYES.... lol. There are time's I look like the living dead, with great big purple bags under my eyes... lol.

 

It could have been worse. Ya could have high-tailed it out of the store commando style... ducking into aisles... doing the belly crawl under clothes racks.. and rolling out the door.

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Awww Cats youre still around, sorry to hear about this dilemma, but soooo glad it's about NEW guy and not ex. This will work out somehow. He Probably needs to think and go away and be a caveman...lol.

Youre a good person don't feel like boob, youre just confused and scared. Am proud of you for making it through all you have, def give yourself credit!!!!

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Would that be stalkerish... eh??? I don't think so, but then again thats me. Heck.. I've even worn a trench coat w/o anything underneath. But your relationship doesn't sound like it's "there" right now.

 

Look.. the ball is in his court. Whatcha gonna do. Many guys get the the kiss of death line... "I'm sorry, I'm still not over my X.. and I have to get my stuff together" and they see it as a "LINE" something a girl says to a guy when she's really NOT interested in him and is trying to let him down the NICE WAY. You never know... You may not have been dating in the last year, but he might have and struck out again.. and got the same line.

 

Oh I'm sure he had dates here and there... after all he thought I was doing it! And, I always went to him when I got overwhelmed by my ex... god he was a tropper in listening to me.... Now... I just adore him how he stuck it out and now what I am missing out on.

 

He said that there wasn't but there must be someone new... we've disagreed before but he's always talked to me... this is the first time...

 

Do I have the guts to show up with Pizza and beer? Maybe... I mean that would have been a definite yes before my last ex... dear lord he cut me down in more ways than one... my sense of adventure is out the window these days and it so sucks because I was never one to have walls up.

 

FYI

 

When I met this guy online - he kept after me and I was only on the dating site to keep up appearances that I was over my ex so I finally said before meeting him - you want to come to my high school reunion? I wanted a date because my ex would be there and it was still raw and fresh post break and I didn't want to fall apart as our friends had to choose sides on who to be with that night.... so I got a date... our first date was a lunch date just to meet before the day. I was open and honest and told him he was there as arm candy!

 

The night of the reunion started out fine... my ex was drunk as a skunk and giving me dirty looks for having brought a date. My date was buying me drinks and letting me hang out with friends... I then had one to many and was talking to my ex and before I know what is happening my date - this guy in my life now leaves and I end up going home with some friends and my ex. Nothing happened between my ex and I - period. But, how low of me!

 

I called the guy the next day... he was sweet and he still kept trying.... how can I not look back now and adore this? This was a year and a half ago....

 

Most guys would have run the other way... he stayed.

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Awww Cats youre still around, sorry to hear about this dilemma, but soooo glad it's about NEW guy and not ex. This will work out somehow. He Probably needs to think and go away and be a caveman...lol.

Youre a good person don't feel like boob, youre just confused and scared. Am proud of you for making it through all you have, def give yourself credit!!!!

 

That's just it... I want this to work out... I do...

 

God I realized in August that I wanted this finially but how could I have never communicated it to him??? I thought I had... but he said yesterday he had no idea how much I cared for him. I know he was angry but he said the 10% good didn't outweight the 90% bad... keep in mind he is still counting the night I went with him to the reunion and left with someone else... I can't change THAT - BUT I never lied to him what that was about. He knew what he was getting into...

 

AND BY THE WAY - How are you these days???

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We as women sometimes think men are mind readers, like they just KNOW how we feel. I guess cause we are more emotional then them in a way. We react emotionally they don't, see things at face value. Now that it's all OUT THERE (HOW YOU FEEL) let him have some time to think about it.

As for me, lost cause......Reconciled w/ ex only to break up again in july. Been very very depressed, I can't believe I am still hurting over same person. He has broken up with me 3 times during our 4 years together. I honestly don't think I ever really healed from any of it (past breakups) and now it's all hitting me terribly.

This is the last break up we will have. I have been nc about 2 1/2 months.

The situation youre going through with new guy that's what I'm afraid is going to happen to me. Like I'll never be able to be with someone again, cause I am so scared and this is going to take a very LONG time to heal from.

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Well for what its worth you sound soooooo much better now than before even though you are dealing with breaking up again.

 

And that's the kicker... after all this drama with my ex... this guy stayed... I realized that now... but now I've lost him...

 

How could I have been so stupid? Now anything I do will look like I'm needy and chasing him and then he'll just end up being my ex.... sigh... the horrible cycle... I really was falling for him...

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Maybe not... Let him think and don't be needy etc. Patience I guess just like with everything. TIME...Remember???

I may sound better but really am not guess My feelings have so much anger and resentment this time maybe it's helping but that's a horrible way to feel too I try to push my feelings down and don't cry like I used to.

Am moving away from this area back to florida in spring, Not good for me to be here anymore with too many reminders/memories.

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The irony of it all.... and yes I do laugh at myself...

 

Is there were times in the past with this guy and I would get really annoyed and just be done with it and let it go for two weeks... KNOWING that he would call me back at some point and he always did. I never panicked because I knew he would call.

 

Now - for the first time I don't think he's going to be calling me again... and I so want him to call me... sigh... I just want to see him right now and reassure him that I see what he went through and what it means to me. But, I would just look stupid now... he's going to think that I only want him now because he doesn't want me but thats not true.. I've wanted him for awhile... he just didn't realize it...

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Don't Rot!!!

When was last time you talked to him?

 

yesterday

 

but he didn't answer my text today and when I call he hasn't answered - he could be busy and not ignoring me but I don't know

 

I've said I'm sorry

 

I know I just need reassurance that he hasn't given up... not really... please don't let him give up... not yet

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