justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I'm moving out to be with my girlfriend in a few weeks. She moved to a new city and has been looking for a new job. Apparently she met some guy at a bar and gave him her number so that they could hang out. Her excuse is that she has no friends and is looking to hang out with someone other than herself. I had a problem with this before with one of her guy friends who she knew for years out here. I was an idiot, and I came to my senses before I ruined a great relationship. But now she is meeting guys (she hung out with him and his 2 other guy friends on Sunday) that she has never known before. She has told them that she has a boyfriend moving out to be with her. I trust her, but I don't trust them. I'm not there YET and she likes attention from guys so I don't know how I should react to it. I know she can tell I'm a little upset, but she makes it clear to me and them about what she does and where she goes with them and that she has a boyfriend. How should I react to this? My gut tells me these guys are obviously flirting with her. But again, I trust her. I should keep that trust until I have a valid reason not to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Why isn't she making friends with girls? Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 nothing at all wrong with trust, but let's not be stupid here. In my opinion, if you're in a relationship, you DO NOT give your # out to the opp sex. Doesn't look right, and can create uncomfortable situations. For instance: my wife trusts me 100%. But, on my end, in order to deserve that trust, I would not EVR give my # out to some girl, under any circumstances. What possible reason could there be for a single woman to want a married man's #?? Same thing here dude- you think he cares that she's got a boyfriend? Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 She has been betrayed by so many girls in the past that she doesn't like making friends with them. Almost all of her girlfriends have treated her really bad so she has this stigma against them. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 A) You should not worry about whether you trust the guys or not. You are dating her and only her. Of course other guys want to sleep with her. Whether she sleeps with someone else will depend on her choice and that is the choice you need to concern yourself with. You need to dwell in reality on this one. B) Why did she give her number to some guy at a bar? You mentioned she likes attention from other guys. In my experience and in my observations of others, women who are desparate for guys attentions are ones to be avoided. You might want to consider whether your GF is trustworthy (a must) and worth investing your time in. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Sorry dude, still not buying it. No need to give out your # in a new town to the opp sex unless you are either 1) very naive or 2) looking for some extra attention. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Should I tell her not to hang out with them anymore until I get out there at least and we can both go together? She always brings up the whole "do you trust me" and "you know I dont like hanging out with girls" thing. What can I say that could make her understand more without getting into a huge argument? I don't want to sound controlling or anything like that. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Nothing wrong with having guy friends, but I would question her as to why she's meeting them in a bar. And does she plan on introducing you to these guy friends? Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 OK, she played the trust card? Right there tells that that, on some level, she knows that what she is doing is not entirely on teh up-and-up. The only times I have had relationships where the girl used the 'trust' card were when she was either planning to cheat, or already cheating. May not be the case here - but I would turn it around and explain that yes, you do trust her, but she needs to also act trustworthy. I.E. when I am out of town on business my wife trusts me 100%, but I also do not go hanging arouns in bars/clubs/etc while away. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I haven't been in the bar scene for quite a long time, but usually the men that I came accross in bars didn't want my number so we could hang out as friends. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 HeartGoesON makes some good points here. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Also, good point metrogirl Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Myself, I would be very wary of a situation like this. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 She doesn't know them very well, but she would have no problem introducing me to them. Should I tell her not to hang with them until I get out there? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I haven't been in the bar scene for quite a long time, but usually the men that I came accross in bars didn't want my number so we could hang out as friends. Excellent point. I would be upset if my SO met some new girl "friends" in a bar and was hanging out with them. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 She doesn't know them very well, but she would have no problem introducing me to them. Should I tell her not to hang with them until I get out there? Under no circumstances should you tell her not to hang out with them. You are not her father and at the end of the day is she really gonna listen to you? How would you know if she was honouring your wish, you are not there? Fact is she maybe trying to make you jealous. In my books thats a dumpable offence. As for her relationships with other women why is it that of 4 billion women on this planet she cannot get along with any of them? I have a feeling this may end in pain for you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 A) You should not worry about whether you trust the guys or not. You are dating her and only her. Of course other guys want to sleep with her. Whether she sleeps with someone else will depend on her choice and that is the choice you need to concern yourself with. You need to dwell in reality on this one. B) Why did she give her number to some guy at a bar? You mentioned she likes attention from other guys. In my experience and in my observations of others, women who are desparate for guys attentions are ones to be avoided. You might want to consider whether your GF is trustworthy (a must) and worth investing your time in. yeah, that's my take on it too. when i am looking for new friends, i hung out with coworkers, neighbors, etc.... i joined dance and yoga classes... i looked on the internet for meetup types of groups. i attended different campus clubs. i didn't go to bars and give my number out to guys. i'm sure these guys aren't going up to her so they can have a new buddy to watch football with. i'm also a bit weary of people who are attention hogs like that. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Under no circumstances should you tell her not to hang out with them. You are not her father and at the end of the day is she really gonna listen to you? How would you know if she was honouring your wish, you are not there? Fact is she maybe trying to make you jealous. In my books thats a dumpable offence. As for her relationships with other women why is it that of 4 billion women on this planet she cannot get along with any of them? I have a feeling this may end in pain for you. I am sure she will hang out with them some more before I get out there. The thing is, she mentioned that she met them last week which is strange, because she told me she met that guy 3 weeks ago when I went out to visit her. So she might have hung out with them last week as well, but she didn't tell me about it. Should I express how I feel towards it, (i.e. it makes me feel uncomfortable) if she tells me she hung out with them again? I think she is a bit naive to think that these guys are looking merely for a "friend". Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 giving out numbers and such to the opposite sex when you are in a relationship is bad news. what do they have that i don't have that they need to search elsewhere for? this is how cheating happens. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 ghost69, what's up my brutha?? LOL. Excellent post. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 DEFINITELY express how you feel. One thing I've learned is that you need to tell her what is on your mind, good or bad. That's the only way that relationships can thrive. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 And if she throws the trust card out and continue to do it? What should I do? I'm planning on moving out to live with her and her brother till I can find my own place. Am I in trouble? Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 well, how would she feel if you went to bars and asked girls for their number so that you guys could be 'friends.' look, she may just be enjoying the attention from these men, and not planning on taking things further.... but i think it can be toying with some of these guys' hearts. i doubt these guys approached her for her number so she could be their new buddy to eat beer and pizza with, etc.... she's not one of the boys, she a woman! Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I'd dump this girl if I were you. That's just disrespectful to you and the relationship to give out her number. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 well, how would she feel if you went to bars and asked girls for their number so that you guys could be 'friends.' look, she may just be enjoying the attention from these men, and not planning on taking things further.... but i think it can be toying with some of these guys' hearts. i doubt these guys approached her for her number so she could be their new buddy to eat beer and pizza with, etc.... she's not one of the boys, she a woman! She says that she would be fine with it. I told her I went out with some of my friends to some bars this week and girls were coming up to us. I didn't really talk to them since all my friends were trying to "hook up", but a few started conversations with me. I made it clear that I had a girlfriend and wasn't looking for anything. But I didn't ask for their numbers or take any of there's just out of respect for our relationship. After telling her this she joked around saying, "aw, am i cramping your style?" or something along those lines and I was like what? Why would I even think of doing something like that when I'm with her? I think bad times are approaching... Link to comment
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