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stop me from breaking NC


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I will not call or text or any type of communication.

 

However, I feel like I want to look at her myspace. Which is probably the worse thing I can do at this point. I recognize it. I will post here and fight the urge. I will find support in others who can help me.

 

I miss her a great deal. I feel used at the same time. Like I was a crutch to fix her and she just tossed me as soon as somebody else came along. First love and rejection, oh and another man is involved. Yes, I hurt. Yes, she is bad for me. Yes, I love her. I cannot change what I feel. Doing this cold turkey, I see the benefits of completely cutting her out of my life. Yet, I cannot. She is still with my thoughts daily. Every little memory, every kiss, every hug, every warm embrace. All of it. Is hurting me. I really did think she was the one. I waited and waited till somebody special came. She did and she left.

 

Ever since I saw her updated myspace picture unintentionally through a friend. (I didn't know they even knew each other.) I've been thinking about her like mad. I never did anything wrong to contribute to the demise of the relationship. I loved her completely.

 

I'm such a pathetic fool. Still hung up on this. I know I am a great guy and deserve better. She was perfect. Up until she broke up with me and lied. I replay the bad memories, but my heart still won't let it go.

 

Today was a long day. I hate Sundays. I know there will be tomorrow to look forward to, but right now I need some help. Please remind me of WHY I should not break NC. I don't want new hurt. I want to deal with my old hurt and get on with my life.

 

I'm tired of being the kid with tears in his eyes. Walking alone and looking back at what he's leaving. Streams rolling down his cheeks, walking into the unknown. I've been alone before. Embracing it now. I am facing my fears.

 

Why can't I cut her out of my life completely? Why do I feel as if she will be back one day to apologize for everything. I tell myself she is never coming back, but I have this odd feeling that she will. I'm not sure if that's denial or just stupidity. Am I in reality or delusional?

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I'm with you, sundays suck. I feel crappy too. I want to see her profile. But that will only make you feel worse. You have to take care of yourself. Don't do it.

 

Go outside. Take a shower. Read a newspaper. Watch a game. Read a book. Make something to eat. Learn something. Watch stupid funny videos on youtube and laugh. Keep writing on ENA. Call a friend. Call your mom. Watch tv. Find new music. hmmmm..... any more? I dont know.

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Yes, you can have a friend change your password for you, and not tell it to you (but the friend keeps it written down somewhere, of course).

 

Anyway, you can do it, don't break and look at her myspace. Then tomorrow you will not only feel better, but you'll be that much stronger when the urge comes on again. Who wants to go to bed at night after seeing images you don't want floating around in your head?

 

Take it half hour at a time if you need to. Amazingly, time will pass and you will be so much stronger for it!

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Im going through the exact same thing right now with an ex-gf. I tried to save the relationship, but I realized that no matter how hard I was going to try, it was up to her to decide if she wanted to be with me or not. So, I decided that I wasn't going to fill myself with pain and chase after her, because that would bring me into an never ending spiral. So, I decided to initiate NC. For both of us, maybe our exes will come back and apologize one day, but we can't base our happiness and our lives around that one event. Come on, Im here for you. We can get through this together.

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Don't do it man. I was also a crutch to get my ex past her long-time boyfriend. Then she jumped ship when she was feeling over him and someone new came into the picture. I thought she was the one, but just like your ex she was bad for me. I looked past all the drama and games because when it was good, it was sooo good. I've been no-contact for maybe 40 days. Sure, I've seen her, but it's a small town. I even took your advice and took the tracker off of myspace. I still look at her page, but I think that's something that will die down in time. Not like it matters when I see her and the new guy in person. haha

 

Stay strong. Listen to music, read a book. Try some sort of psych experiment. Everytime you get a very strong urge, do something else. Everytime you're getting dangerously close to your breaking point, do this same task. I guess it would be aversion therapy. Then after a certain point, when you want to contact, your brain will be wired for a certain activity. I may even try this for myself. I was very very close to texting her just a few hours ago.

 

Break-ups are rough, esp when you are the dumpee. We will all get through it.

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That's great that you took off the tracker! Another step to healing. But, lay off her myspace. That's what I'm doing. 3 weeks of not seeing or knowing or talking to her. Killing me. Shared 1.5 years together. I was the greatest guy as can be. Still not good enough. I'm trying really hard to stay away from her myspace. I don't want anything that can hurt me. I just want to focus on healing and dealing with my own stuff.

 

I'm proud of you. Stick to NC. We'll make this together! The urge is not so bad, doing everything to not look at her myspace. It wouldn't matter if somebody changed my password or not. All I gotta do is google her name and there she is.

 

I want to reject the rejector. I can't believe I love her so much. I never knew I was capable of this. I gave it my all. Sigh... I can't wait for work! I hate spending my weekends alone. Even when I go out. I think about her. Anything that relates to her ethnicity, food, town, etc. Reminds me of her. Everything is a trigger right now. Even looking at myself. I still see her.

 

This is sad... I feel like I'm not good enough. Even though I know I was the best to her. Even she told me I was the best to her. She still hurt me. Used me as a crutch to get over he ex. I thought the love was genuine. Maybe my love was and still is.

 

I don't want to hang on this. I want to be healed. I've already seen some drastic changes in my personality and how I look. I don't view life or love as the same. I have a broader definition. I strive for quality not quantity. I go to the gym and it's finally paying off. I do everything for me now. But, I still love her. Is that okay? I give advice to other people saying that you may always love this person, even for hurting you. And it's okay to do so...

 

Really, is it okay to love her? Want her back. Miss her, remember her. Cry over her. All of this...

 

I am a very deep person. Am I running from my problems or facing them? I'm really confused.

 

THANK YOU ALL, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BROKEN HEART. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. I PRAY THAT WE ALL HEAL AND WILL BE ABLE TO FIND WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR!

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That is hard, but it is a normal part of a breakup and coping with it. There are things that will remind you of her when you see or think of them, but just keep telling yourself that you have changed, and that you are becoming stronger because of it.

 

 

From reading your first post, it sounds like she left you to be with someone else. The sheer fact that you love her in spite of this shows that you are the better person here. Someone like that views love as something that can just be given to someone on a whim, while it sounds like you view love as something special, that you just don't give to everyone.

 

 

It is okay that you still love her. I will still love my ex, in spite of what she did to me. But I will never enter jump into a relationship with her again. We are not robots, love isn't an emotion you can switch on and off. You are perfectly justified in still loving her, because even though she hurt you. Trust me, it is normal.

 

Yes, these are all coping behaviors, but you cannot let them rule over your life. You have fallen, but now you must begin to get back up.

 

 

Believe me, NC is facing the problem. You are telling her, "You broke my heart and you hurt me, and I do not like that at all." Believe me, unless she has no heart, she's probably realizing that right now.

 

Thank you. Thank you all. I was so sad and upset, and praying to God to help me, and I think he did by leading me here.

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Push,

It's ok to cry over her, be mad, be bitter, miss her, reminisce about your time together, and love her. It's essential that you really accept what you are feeling. Pushing emotions aside and burying them is pretty much the worst thing you could do. You'll carry it around like a sack full of lead.

 

Just let it out. Being capable of feeling these emotions is a gift, not a curse. It showed that you are able to and truly loved someone.

 

Bottling up your emotions or just swallowing them would be running from your problems. Letting yourself feel them is facing your demons. I am also a very sensitive and deep person. When I get bummed out, I just let myself be bummed, because I know it will pass. When I want to get bitter, I vent to a friend, or vent on here.

 

I am a man's man. I am a military man. I love beer, fatty food, and hot women, but I am not ashamed to let someone know or see that I am hurting. There's no shame in showing your emotions. Pretending you're fine is just setting yourself up for failure.

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Thanks for the support guys.

 

I am not burying anything. I only speak about my hurt to people who are close to me. I really don't know what to do. I don't have low self esteem. I'm just in a lot of pain. Something that I treasured is gone. Never took her for granted or anything. I always felt like she hated men after going through all those heartbreaks. She was the one that was always dumped or cheated on. I think I gave her wings to fly at the cost of my own. Maybe she thought I was strong enough to handle this. To break the vicious cycle. To not get into a relationship and just fight through this on my own.

 

I'm hurting very greatly right now. I don't feel like breaking NC. I miss the old her a great deal. I'm not who she is anymore. Am I growing to be a better man or am I just a boy crying and looking for his mom? I am facing each day and riding each emotion. I am doing to the best of my abilities and the people of ENA give me so much strength. I really don't know what I would be doing right now if I didn't have ENA. Probably breaking NC and undergoing more hurt.

 

I think I continue to love her because I really do love her. In spite of all my pain and hurt, I still wish that she is happy. It pains me to let go, but it's the best thing for me. Even if she cheated on me, I still wish for the best. I know in my heart that this is the best for me. To go through all of this while I'm young and build character. Life gets much harder right? I have bigger goals and aspirations. I want to be able to provide for myself and my future family.

 

This break up has been so hard on me. It has put my life into perspective and what I am able to accomplish. I really pray that I do not go through another trial like this once again. I'm just not ready for another one. I'm almost at my breaking point of sanity and reality.

 

I pray that everybody else that is struggling to keep strong! To post and seek comfort. We all hurt, but we are there for each other. Humanity's greatest gift is love. You are never alone. I am here and the people behind ENA are here. I really am finding myself getting a little teary that complete strangers can help me through my darkest hours. I only hope to return the favor and be your light through your darkest times.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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