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How do I find an answer to my husband's anger?


Nique77

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I would like some insight on how to help my husband control his anger. He is a very mellow guy, easy going, fun, funny, and a hot guy too. But... if he gets frustrated or upset he turns into an animal. He is several years younger than me and he used to be insane about it when he was younger. We have been together for 14 years and have a family. He has been telling me lately about getting angry at work and his coworkers' reactions. He is a very likeable guy, strong hard worker, but if he doesn't feel you are listening to him and keep repeating what he has told you he doesn't want you to do, he gets so mad. His whole head turns red. It's intimidating. He works in manuacturing, by the way. Things are always a little rougher in places like that, not an office guy by any means. I have said to him, "Better him than me." And I mean it. I am real sensitive and kind of child-like in some ways. When he gets mad at me I feel so sad and I cry. He has said it's like a rush comes over him and he knows he is in for a ride. His German backround really comes through, I can completely imagine him as a ax wheeling barbarian in the day ready for battle. He can too. He is aware of it but doesn't know what to do. It is real hard to get him to go to the doctors and take advice. But he has been talking about it more lately. Any thoughts anyone, please?

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Okay, you said he was talking about going to the doctors?

 

I would approach him when he was completely calm, maybe while you guys were just sitting on the couch, cuddling, and tell him that it would seriously mean a lot to you if he went to get some help with controlling it. Add on that you know that he hates the doctors and the fact that he has been warming up to it is something that you greatly appreciate.

 

Does he ever get violent? Or does he just storm off? Does he easily become angry at the children? Has he ever pushed, pulled, or held any of you?

 

What sort of things anger him? When you cry, does he become angry at that? How does he come back down from his anger?

 

Just trying to understand how exactly his anger works.

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My partner is the same way. He is a great guy but sometimes anger gets the best of him. I completely shut down during one of his "attacks." Sometimes, however, I lash back and up the ante. Then I am ten times meaner and leave him speechless. I'm not proud of that, but unfortunately, at times, it works -- he realizes how he's acting, takes a step back, and evaluates his behavior. I don't recommend this.

 

However, after one of our arguments, he told me yes, he should see someone about it. Maybe you can look for groups in your area that specialize in anger management?

 

Your post is quite vague so I have to respond with vague responses.. sorry! But I do mean to help.

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To answer your question straight up, there is nothing YOU can do... it must be his decision. Once he decides he is willing to get help, have the pamphlets, brochures and therepist's phone number ready to call and most of all, show your support of him getting himself better.

 

Best wishes!

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Thankyou everyone who took the time to reply. He has never gotten violent. He is not talking about going to the Dr., I brought it up. It is usually other people's inability to follow his wishes - things that require cooperation in order to achieve a task that are the reason for his frustration. I like someone to tell me what they want so I can follow directions. But he says he'd rather I learn to think on my own. I feel like a book smart person who just doesn't get the normal common sense stuff. So I feel stupid when I mess up. He said he wants a partner and not to be my dad. He hates it when I try to appease him, I just naturally think if I'm real nice and agreeaable it will get better. It doesn't. When he needs someone's help at work, he tells them - do this so he can achieve his goal. When he's told them 3x and they are not compling still - he loses it. Hs mom was a flake and his father a jarhead. He went back and forth between them thru his youth and grew up fast, pretty much left to his own accord. My folks are still together, creative types, religious, and we could talk about our feelings anytime. I know we are very different, but his words and the way he so forcefully says them is awful. Any more ideas? Thanks again all.

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I'm of German descent, also and we are brought up to be self-sufficient and independent. We also lack patience with others who keep us from our goals. I can get incensed at things. I understand him. Maybe he could talk to someone. I know I can get unpleasant and I have learned to control it to a great degree, but I still have my moments.

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So he wants others to "follow his wishes" and yet he "wants a partner". A partner is not someone who follows your wishes. You are being too accommodating, presumably (at least in part) because of your concern that you may 'raise his anger'.

 

Is he a supervisor at work? If so it looks as if the role is too demanding for him (with his present level of supervisory skill). If not, why is he telling his coworkers 3 times to help him and not leaving it to the supervisor to do this?

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Anger meaning | Anger in a Sentence...
Anger meaning | Anger in a Sentence | Most common words in English #shorts

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