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Help, I have a monster-in-law!


Anna Nicole
Asking Someone about their Health C...
Asking Someone about their Health Condition || ESL Conversation Practice || ESL Advice

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Ok I will try to keep this as short as I can, but I need to tell the whole story to get good advice. One month ago my husband who is 24 had a stroke, it was a shock but he has a tumor on his optic nerve that has been there since birth, he was treated with radio therapy early this year and he is blind in one eye due to this tumor. Anyway we have been married almost one year and things between us are great. However in the last few months I started to feel like his mother didn't really like me. Maybe I was just paranoid, his family are from Iraq and most of them (MIL included) don't speak much English so that makes things hard. About 2 months ago MIL started an argument between my husband and his brother, all over some trivial thing, (she accused me of inviting myself to my brother in laws house) after a few days of her calling my husband up and yelling at him about what a liar and rude person I was, my husband and I decided to say sorry to her, just to keep the peace. I explained that there was probably some confusion due to the language barrier but that there was no harm done so everything was good, but oh no, she was having no part in that. After saying sorry to her she then turned to me and told me not to lie as it was very wrong. I tried to defend myself and say that I had not lied (I hadn't) but she would not listen. My husband was rather annoyed and we decided to cut down on visiting her.

 

Then my husband had the stroke. In the emergency room there she was verbally abusing me about how it was my fault that he had had a stroke. I know she is from a different culture, (I'm Aussie, she is Iraqi) but she says that he had a stroke because since being married to me he now showers daily which to her is a bad thing, I let him use the computer too much apparently, I feed him rubbish food (well I don't know how I could as since we have been married we have eaten at her place like at lest 5 meals a week, plus she always makes us take home the extra that she cooks, my cooking is just not good enough according to her). Anyway after her going on and on I was sick of it, I mean my husband can't move half his body and all she can do is yell at me. I said to her "well it would have nothing to do with the fact that you smoked in his face his whole life" well she yelled at me to shut up.

 

I decided to let that slip, I figured she was just worried about him and being uneducated she couldn't understand what was happening and it was just easy to blame it all on me. Then while in the stroke ward she just kept going against the hospital rules and stuff. He was only to have 2 visitors at a time but she and his family would not listen to me or the nurses (there were 3 other sick people in his room) they invited anyone they could to come to see my husband, and I believe that it was more for her than for my husband as she loves attention and having many people to tell her how sorry they were for her to have a sick son made her feel so special.

 

One night his brother and mother asked me to leave the room as they and some other people wanted to pray for my husband (as they and I are Muslim, I said ok and left. I know they don't like non hijab girls like myself around when they pray) when I returned they had removed his tet stockings and had put olive oil all over him. I was not happy and told the nurses what had happened, they were also not impressed.

 

Then the icing on the cake, due to the fact that he could not swallow properly he was only aloud thickened fluids, which i explained to his family, but his mother decided that she was gonna give him some blessed water I said no, that she would have to wait till he was aloud to have water as he could choke or it could go to his lungs and cause an infection. She would not stop and hit my arm when I was telling her "no, stop" I then put my hand on her upper arm t stop her from forcing the water down his throat. She then turned and back handed me accross the face. Boy was I shocked, I told her if she ever did it again I would have her up on assault, she quickly left the room as nurses ran in to find out what the loud smack sound was (her hand hitting my face)

 

My husband has been quite passive since the stroke, I think he feels like he can't do much, so when this all happened he didn't say much at all. The day after MIL hit me my mother arrived in town (all my friends and relatives live over 12 hours away) she was not rude to MIL she didn't even bring up that fact that she had hit me, but MIL on the other hand took my mum aside and with her daughter (my sister in law) translating they told my mum that I had thumped MIL three time in the back and three times in the chest. When I found out I was pissed, I asked them why they were lying and all they could say was "we are not lying, you are" besides that fact that my husband was sitting right in front of MIL when she hit and I "hit" her and there was a nurse with another patient in the room who saw everything I can't understand why they would keep lying.

 

One night in front of my husband, she told me that she would get rid of me, have us divorced and find him a new wife who wears hijab etc.

 

She has done other little * * * * * ing things in the last few weeks but I won't go into it, but last week after his whole family pretending that I don't even exist when they come to see him I had had enough, I called her a * * * * * and left the room. She has been telling him that he has to divorce me or he is not part of the family. She keeps making up lies about me and telling him that he can't trust me cause I am Aussie and that Aussie girls are * * * * s ect.

 

MIL left for a holiday in the middle east yesterday (yeah she really cares about her son hey?) He was much happier today and was walking really well.

 

Once my husband is discharged from the rehab clinic we are going to stay with my mum (12 hours drive from his mum) and then we are planing to find our own place near my mum. My husband is fairly happy with the plan only he says he might like to come back and live near his mum rather than mine as his mum has told him that if he leaves she will kill her self and a bunch of other bad stuff.

 

Am I doing the right thing, taking him to live far way from her? Plus his sibling all hate me too and say bad stuff about and to me. I feel if we stay near her I may as well just go home to my family cause I am sure she will keep pushing till we divorce. I love him very much, if I didn't I would have went home to my family already. Sorry that was so long, I guess I needed to vent. Any advice is welcome.

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