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How can someone just jump to a new relationship?


funkymonkey3
She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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The reason I ask is because I'm pretty sure my ex did and it just completely baffles me that someone could get serious again so soon after it's over with someone else. I've never done it. I've left because I wanted to be on my own again and sure I had a booty call available but never anything serious to leave my relationship for. What on earth are these kinds of people thinking? You can't find your heart behind someone else's. I've gone out and screwed around but it's been three months and I couldn't even bring myself to be romantic with another girl. I just don't understand...

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Not everyone is the same. Usually when I am done I am finished. Maybe I wasn't all that attached to begin with. The one time I was very attached it took months, some in agony, but when I finally let go I was with someone else in 2 weeks. Most recently it's taken another 5 months of not being able to let go and then the same pattern repeated. But that is only one relationship out of many. For most of the rest I could have been open to meet the man of my dreams upon exit.

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I would love to move on so quickly. The truth is I still am hurt and my darkest, deepest emotions I won't even let out on here. I'm hurt that she could lie to heal herself quicker. It's not right that she get's to move on in her life and be in love while I'm here trying my best to escape full blown depression. Every day is a challenge for me. Three months later and I still wake up reaching out and sad that she isn't lying next to me. How can I possibly move on? With who? It wouldn't be fair to the next when I'm still in love with the last one.

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I would love to move on so quickly. The truth is I still am hurt and my darkest, deepest emotions I won't even let out on here. I'm hurt that she could lie to heal herself quicker. It's not right that she get's to move on in her life and be in love while I'm here trying my best to escape full blown depression. Every day is a challenge for me. Three months later and I still wake up reaching out and sad that she isn't lying next to me. How can I possibly move on? With who? It wouldn't be fair to the next when I'm still in love with the last one.

 

So you want her to be miserable because you are? Shouldn't you be wishing the best for her?

 

 

If you doubt that you can move on then you won't.

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I would love to move on so quickly. The truth is I still am hurt and my darkest, deepest emotions I won't even let out on here. I'm hurt that she could lie to heal herself quicker. It's not right that she get's to move on in her life and be in love while I'm here trying my best to escape full blown depression. Every day is a challenge for me. Three months later and I still wake up reaching out and sad that she isn't lying next to me. How can I possibly move on? With who? It wouldn't be fair to the next when I'm still in love with the last one.

 

I sit around like you are now for a long time...and I got tired of it. I decided to start dating again..for me! Why waste anymore time dwelling on a break up...and on someone who doesn't even deserve to rent up space in your head?

It's hard getting back out there..but you may be surprised at how helpful it can be.

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Yeah, sometimes things just don't seem fair. Sometimes they just aren't fair.

 

Like a lot of us here can relate to having a partner cheating on us, or up and leaving us for another, or dumping us and then right away they are knee deep in a new relationship.

 

Meanwhile, you can end up feeling like you are left holding the sack. The sack of garbage.

 

It's not fair. Like it wasn't fair how my cheating ex had a girl to crawl into bed with after screwing around on me.

 

But like Doya said, after a while you get sick of it. The anger subsides enough or enough time passes or whatever, maybe you just decide one day "enough is enough" - and you get down to the task of dealing with what you got.

 

That person is gone, and what was done is done, and what they are doing is whatever they are doing (whether it seems fair or not), and you can either continue to beat yourself up about it and suffer with it or do something to make your life better.

 

It's not a competition - so save yourself the agony of comparing your life to theirs. The fact is you don't know anyways how it really is for that person and what may look great on the outside may be a bubbling pile of crap.

 

If you just do a little something to make things better for yourself every day, what they do or don't do won't matter anymore. It receeds into the background and then fades away.

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Thank you. I got to see a new perspective through different eyes. I wish the best for her because I love her but I feel hurt and betrayed nonetheless. Getting back into the game will be uneasy at first but I will. My room-mate is fed up with me. I'm the one who taught him when he was recently divorced and now I'm the heartbroken weakling. I can't wait for this to be a distant memory.

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You will get through this!

 

If you are having troubles with traps of depression too, it can be really helpful (was for me) to remind yourself every day that you deserve kindness. It may sound cheesy, but it works.

 

Kindness in the form of giving yourself a break and not heaping shame, or doubts on yourself, or sabotaging yourself because you are having some times where you feel sad or unsure or scared.

 

Cause it's perfectly normal to go through that stuff. The important thing to take it easy on yourself and not give up on yourself in the process of it.

 

That's great you have a bud who you have gone through this with in the reverse. I bet his "getting sick of this" vibe that you are feeling would quickly turn around if/when you give him the opportunity to help you up and out...once you start showing you have decided that now.

 

You must already know then how hard it is to watch a friend suffering and feeling like nothing is getting through to them.

 

tc.

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I do but as much courage as I try to give others I'm afraid I don't really have. I don't know who I am anymore. I gave away too much and now I'm afraid that I can't trust anyone else ever again. Ever since this I've researched social dynamics and evolution in general and I just don't think monogamy is normal anymore especially after coming here. I wanted to believe deep down that someone out there would be faithful and stick by me but now I think maybe we're are more animal than human. Someone please give me a story where you know for a fact that your partner is and always has been faithful. Good luck on that one!

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Stop stop stop trying to understand your ex. It's a waste of time. Worry about yourself.

 

I agree. If they are rebounding then that his their headache. People who jump from one relationship into the next tend to be afraid of being alone so they need their "teddy bear" in the form of a warm body. They tend to view partners like taxi cabs...the next one that drives up will do.

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I think they can move on so quickly and because their heart wasn't totally 100% in the previous relationship.

 

I've never been able to quickly move on from someone that meant a lot to me and most of the guys in my life, did mean a lot to me. It's ALWAYS been hard for me to move on and in my last relationship, took me over a year to get involved elsewhere.

 

I sometimes wish I had this ability, to be able to just move on as some people do.

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Either a rebound, or they had been emotionally checked out of the relationship with you for awhile, so they had been thinking about dating the other person for awhile before they even broke up with you.

 

The second thing happened to someone I know - and it wasn't a rebound, because his ex has been with her current for over 4 years.

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Most people are not emotionally mature enough to be alone.

When someone hooks up with someone right away, they are 101% of the time just filling that void left by not having "you" with them anymore

The second they are left alone, they think, and thinking means having to face their issues.

In my 42 yrs on this planet, I've realized, the majority of people are cowards.

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Still it really pisses me off. A month before she broke up with me she was all lovey dovey. And then poof, it all goes away. She was extremely unsure about what she was doing. I knew that much becuase she was so undecided about really going through with it. I guess she's not undecided anymore. I had alot of warning signs about what type of girl she was so I guess I can only blame myself. I should have left her long before she was able to do so much damage.

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itsallgrand, I love your advice, very wise words and very applicable to my situation aswell, one day it hits you that enough really is enough, and u gotta get on with your life and stop wondering what they're doing with theirs, because it really doesn't matter anymore. And the more you cling to the old situation, the more power you give to the other person, who obviously doesn't care as much. So yeah, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to truly let go and move on. And when the pain starts to fade away, you start opening yourself up again to new and more exciting experiences!

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Most people are not emotionally mature enough to be alone.

When someone hooks up with someone right away, they are 101% of the time just filling that void left by not having "you" with them anymore

The second they are left alone, they think, and thinking means having to face their issues.

In my 42 yrs on this planet, I've realized, the majority of people are cowards.

 

I love this post. It's absolutely true, and it is absolutely the answer to the question asked by the OP.

 

My ex is a perfect example, and I could do a case study on how all the unresolved issues in her past, including one's with me, are undermining this "relationship" she is now.

 

I try extremely hard not to hear anything about it...but occasionally, out of nowhere, I'll get an email from her that says "Do you think it's bad to break up with someone by text message?" I'll respond, not realizing she's talking about herself...I'll say "Yes, it's cowardly." And she'll say "Well, i've already talked to him about these issues that i feel are going to break us up so it's not like it's a surprise."

 

Then, of course, she doesn't break up with him at all. Why? Because she'd either have to try and come back to me...find someone new, or God forbid, spend time with herself just being completely single. The best thing in the world for her would be to just become single. Spend 6 months of her life facing issues she's not faced, because there's always been a man around to distract her from her pain and fear...I would love for her to do this. I think only then could she really be happy. But she will absolutely not do it. She can't spend 3 hours alone, let alone 3 months.

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Most people are not emotionally mature enough to be alone.

When someone hooks up with someone right away, they are 101% of the time just filling that void left by not having "you" with them anymore

The second they are left alone, they think, and thinking means having to face their issues.

In my 42 yrs on this planet, I've realized, the majority of people are cowards.

 

i agree w/ you 100%. usually when someone does this they do not know what they want in a relationship and are essentially a coward and immature. i guarantee you that the new relationship will always fail.

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