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What did you do with your wedding ring?


Jeffrey01
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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It's been 2 years since I've heard from my ex wife. 1 year since the divorce was finalized. I've moved on in many ways. I'm starting to feel pretty good about things, and I've learned some serious lessons from what happened. I'm learning from my mistakes, and am definitely becoming a better person as a result.

 

My question is, I still have my wedding ring. It's tucked away in a back closet, and it's been a long time since I've even looked at it. But I sometimes wonder, what am I supposed to do with it?

 

It's strange.. when I was married, I didnt even wear the ring (one of my issues), so I find it weird that now I feel a sort of attachment and respect for it. I really do not know what to do with it.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm not as over it as I think, and getting rid of it shows that I have "let go" completely. Who knows...

 

I can imagine this will cause a problem if I find myself in another relationship, which I'm open to.

 

Anyway, has anyone struggled with this? What have you done with yours?

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6 years later and my ring is still in the back of a closet. If I pawned it, anything I bought with it would remind me of bad times. If I had it reworked, it would only be another reminder. A while back I told myself I'd save it for my son....just in case he wanted it...but will he want it considering the marriage didn't work? Like you I do have a respect for it...or at least the institution of marriage. Until the perfect solution comes up it will remain in the back of the closet gathering harmless dust.

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Once I find a good place that buys gold second hand I will be selling all of mine as it serves no purpose for me other than to remind me of what once was there which has now gone.

 

It's different though I believe for each individual and also depends on how the marriages ended.

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Funny thing is that the only time i got to wear my wedding ring was during my wedding and on several occasions and thats pretty much about it. i didnt even get to wear my wedding ring at all. had a stupid wedding band but that didnt mean much as my wedding ring. my ring either got sent to my mom's to keep it safe or his parents to keep it safe and had no wedding ring to even put on. please tell me if i'm wrong on this would anyone wear an 8000 wedding ring anywhere even if it's anywhere normal you go? yea, i gave my wedding ring back including that dumb looking wedding band. it even hurts to look at it while i couldn't have it on. why keep it anyway's.

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That's great. Shear genius!!

 

I think it's a viable option. The good thing is that you can have the plaque say anything you want ....so if you want to be serious and use it as a symbol of closure you can have it say "Bury the past and move on to a new tomorrow" or it can be as silly or as bitter as you'd like.

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Jeen,

 

Just read your original post. Maybe like you, I hold onto it because I was the one mainly responsible for the marriage not working. I definitely still feel a lot of regret over my actions and behaviour during the course of my marriage.

 

Just ironic that one the things that I did to upset my wife, was refuse to wear my wedding ring. My reason was simple. I never liked rings. But looking back, I owed it to my wife to wear that ring. I'll never make that mistake again.

 

Like I mentioned earlier.. I have accepted it's over. I've come to peace with that. Just really question why I hold on to mine.

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Just ironic that one the things that I did to upset my wife, was refuse to wear my wedding ring. My reason was simple. I never liked rings. But looking back, I owed it to my wife to wear that ring. I'll never make that mistake again.

 

Well, I don't think you should keep beating yourself up over that. My husband never wears his ring because it bothers him to wear rings. On our honeymoon he attempted to wear it- I watched him fidget with it, touch it, and play with it for an entire week. Finally even I insisted that he just TAKE IT OFF.

 

I hold onto it because I was the one mainly responsible for the marriage not working. I definitely still feel a lot of regret over my actions and behaviour during the course of my marriage.

 

But if there are other things that you think you can learn from, still try not to beat yourself up so much- focus on how you can avoid repeating those things in the future. Become a better person, and feel good about yourself.

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Bella,

 

You're right. I used to beat myself up pretty bad for things done in the past. Regrets etc. I've definitely learned alot from those mistakes. From time to time I'll still reflect on those regrets, but like you said.. really doesnt get you anywhere.

 

The reason I'm thinking of it now, is I was asked the other day why I still have it. It got me thinking.. why do I still have it? And why am I having a tough time figuring out what to do with it?

 

I've dealt with most of my situation, but apparently some things, I've pushed under the rug, and they still need to be dealt with.

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And why am I having a tough time figuring out what to do with it?

 

Well I think most people in your situation feel the same way. It seems "the ring" is almost always a source of conflict or confusion. I think it is part of the natural healing process.

 

I've also seen a lot of folks ask what they should do with their wedding album, etc. These questions are normal, important, and complex.

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You're right. They are normal, and complex. The problem is, to someone who hasn't been through it, they just don't understand that part. They see a movie where someone throws it off a bridge, and think it's that easy, lol. I try to explain, and it's not even worth it.

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They see a movie where someone throws it off a bridge, and think it's that easy, lol

 

We all know if that was how it works in reality I'd be standing under bridges quite often....trying to catch fallen wedding bands to cash in myself. I could make a whole career out of it.

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You're right. They are normal, and complex. The problem is, to someone who hasn't been through it, they just don't understand that part. They see a movie where someone throws it off a bridge, and think it's that easy, lol. I try to explain, and it's not even worth it.

 

I threw my second set into the dam of the river, probably choked some poor fish! I also burned my marriage certificate on the river bank.. I had a friend with me and we did a couple shots of tequila.. it was a whole ceremonial process and very cleansing... Halloween 1990.

 

but then again, I guess you really can't choke a fish, unless it got stuck in a gill or something

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I pawned mine. The first one I held onto for 10+ years and finally pawned it, the 2nd one I was able to pawn more easily. Kind of regret it though, wish I would have held onto it.

 

I also burned the marriage license and several pictures.

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