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do people really just settle?


Riiley

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Ok it's been a long time. I feel like he has closure and I don't. He left me for his child, and the mother of his child who he is not in love with but feels obligated to. Everyone knows this, except for her. And we used to be friends so this makes me feel worse for her.

 

I feel like I fell in love with him, and maybe for him I was just a fling, before he had to be a father and a grown up. He was so convincing, so sweet and perfect and I had fallen in love with him years before this even happened. So for me it was the beginning, of so much more. And for him? Possible the chance to have a mini-relationship that was fulfilling to him in ways that the mother of his child could not be?

 

But then why leave me? I am so confused by this situation. The time we spent together is something that is so far engraved in my brain and no one seems to compare. And yet, he had to move on and "be a grown up?" Or in his words, "be with the mother of his child for the sake of his kid"

 

My question....

 

Does not everyone believe in love? Do some people really just settle for less than they want because they feel like it's the right thing?

 

I know in my heart he loved me, I know how he felt. And now I am left feeling like the story just cut off. I never knew people like him exsisted. And this was a man I thought I knew.

 

I need thoughts from people who think like him...

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You can still be a father and not be with the mother of the child. I consider myself a good father and I am not with my sons mother. I stayed with her through the pregnancy and then we went our separate way's. We both still raised my son just fine through joint custody sharing the load. No child support we just get him everything he needs. And we take care of our selves. It is not selfish at all on either of our parts. We both love our child we just didn't want to be together in a intimate relationship. He does not have to be with her to be there for his child. If he does not want to be with her he should leave.

 

Settling now will lead to more pain and complications later for him.

 

Is the child real young? If so it is better for him to leave now so that the child will addapt easier to the split. Why wait if it is going to happen?

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Yes the first part of your response is EXACTLY the way I feel about the situation and I have told him this. But being the son of a broken family and he always wanted his parents to be together, he doesn't get it at all. He saw this child as the end of the world for him, even though he loves his daughter very much he feels trapt.

 

The child is 6 months old.

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Yes the first part of your response is EXACTLY the way I feel about the situation and I have told him this. But being the son of a broken family and he always wanted his parents to be together, he doesn't get it at all. He saw this child as the end of the world for him, even though he loves his daughter very much he feels trapt.

 

The child is 6 months old.

 

Now is the time for him to get out before the child knows what life is like with the two of them together.

 

Tell him to look at this way. If he is in love with you and he leaves then his child has the chance of having 4 loving parents instead of 2.

 

There will be a day when he leaves why wait until the child is older and will be hurt by it? The child will not be hurt by it now.

 

My son has never mentioned that he wished his mother and I were together. He has however mentioned that he wished my ex was his mother.

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I guess it would be better if I knew that he was happy (maybe). I am still in touch with his family (his mom and I were and are very close). She knows the whole situation and told me he lost a sparkle in his eye.

 

That hurts the most.

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I agree with you Robert. I think part of him also pities the mother. She is the total opposite of me in all ways, and she is in love with him. They are good friends at most and everyone can tell it's one sided. I think he is afraid of feeling guilty and indebted to her as well.

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Relationships can not be one sided wheather it be a friendship or a intimate relationship.

 

It sounds like they will eventually split anyway. I understand he just doesn't want to hurt her, but it will hurt her even more later on.

 

You cannot force his decision. You can only make him aware of his feelings for you. Go away, move on do what you have to do. You cannot wait for his decision it could take years.

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so much easier said than done.

 

 

Yes it is incredibly hard when the person you love is with another. I am in the same situation as you are Riiley. It just hurts so much, but the only way to stop this pain we are feeling is to protect ourselves. We do that by putting space between us and that witch is causing us the pain. We are all here for you on ENA.

 

It is time to let him go and heal. There are other great people in this world you are just blind to that right now because of your love for this man. He will never come back to you unless you let go.

 

If you love something and it wants to be free let it go. If it comes back to you it is yours forever.

 

 

He might end up blaming you for his separation from his childs mother. You do not want to deal with that.

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The way I see it, love is only a very small part of any relalationship. Maybe he's putting love on the lower part of the lists of his needs.

He's filling other needs being with a woman he doesn't love. In his eyes, he prob. doesn't see it as settling.

 

It sucks for you though. I can only imagine how this must hurt.

 

I would question my relationship daily and wondered if I was settling. I did love my ex but was back and forth because I felt like I was settling.

To be honest, I think all relationships fall into the catagory of settling at some point

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The way I see it, love is only a very small part of any relalationship. Maybe he's putting love on the lower part of the lists of his needs.

He's filling other needs being with a woman he doesn't love. In his eyes, he prob. doesn't see it as settling.

 

It sucks for you though. I can only imagine how this must hurt.

 

I would question my relationship daily and wondered if I was settling. I did love my ex but was back and forth because I felt like I was settling.

To be honest, I think all relationships fall into the catagory of settling at some point

 

 

I don't think it is settling if you are both truly in love. Then who cares about anything else everyone has there faults and in time we all fall in love with those faults in our SO as well. That is what makes everyone unique and special in there own way.

 

I have never felt like I was settling when I was in love. Early on in the relationship this might happen but you are not truly in love then.

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The way I see it, love is only a very small part of any relalationship. Maybe he's putting love on the lower part of the lists of his needs.

He's filling other needs being with a woman he doesn't love. In his eyes, he prob. doesn't see it as settling.

 

It sucks for you though. I can only imagine how this must hurt.

 

I would question my relationship daily and wondered if I was settling. I did love my ex but was back and forth because I felt like I was settling.

To be honest, I think all relationships fall into the catagory of settling at some point

this is very helpful and rings true to me, thanks summerpeach

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Do people really just settle....oh yes they do...many many many people settle. A great many people do not marry for love, they marry for convenience, for appearances, for status, to not be alone, because they had children and are doing it for the children, for money, for security...and the list goes on. I know plenty of people who married or stayed with partners with whom they were not in love...it was for purely mercenary reasons....and those unions were never really happy.

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