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Good or Bad Idea? Need some feedback please!


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Ok - so I have been dating this guy for about 5 months and we get along great. Downfall is that things were moving slow on the affection front even though he was not shy about compliments, etc. Also, he moved here within weeks of when we first met for the job of a lifetime. Earlier this week I told him that I really like him but feel apprehension from him sometimes and wanted to know where he stands. What he said is that right now his focus needs to be on his career and it would be unfair to me for him to try to pursue a relationship right now. That he would like to be friends and continue hanging out.

 

At first I was pretty crushed by it because I really like this guy and was a little confused because things had advanced between us the past few weeks. I know he is busy with work and is throwing himself into it 110%. I don't doubt that for one second and don't think he is dating others. He started to say things may be different when his fellowship is over in June but then said that would be unfair to me to have me wait.

 

After thinking about it for a couple of days I have settled on the fact that I do enjoy his company and would be saddened if I didn't have him in my life in some aspect. Where we left things is that this weekend he has some buddies in town but asked me to call him next week.

 

I think there are some things that need to be said between us still because I wasn't clear on whether or not I would call him or wanted to continue hanging out with him when we left eachother.

 

I am thinking about send the below note to him after a few more days have passed. I don't want to dwell on this the next time I see him and think things need to be known but don't want to beat a dead horse or make things awkward. I'm looking for honest feedback on whether or not to send this email or not. From a guys perspective would this type of information be welcomed or annoying? Thanks for your thoughts. See the below email.

*********************************************************

 

Thank you for your honesty on Tuesday night. I completely understand your decision and current situation with needing to focus on your career. The drive, passion and determination that you have for your career and for life is something I picked up on immediately upon first meeting you, is one of things that attracted me to you (among other things), and one I completely respect and can relate to.

 

Here is where I stand and have settled based on our conversation - I have thoroughly enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you. I feel at this point what we have above everything is the start of a great friendship and I would be greatly saddened if that was gone. I would like to continue building a friendship with you and getting to know you. My beliefs are that relationships are built on great friendships and if things develop differently down the road great, if not great, but in the end hopefully we will have found a great friend in each other. From my point of view there are no expectations. I know this stuff is hard to talk about sometimes and all I ask is for your continued honesty.

 

So there is everything out on the table. I think we are both on the same page and would like to continue hanging out in the same manner that we have up to this point, whether that be having a movie marathon some weekend or being completely irresponsible at a local drinking establishment (perhaps with a fun smooch now and then ☺ .

 

Open communication is key here and all I ask is if you feel differently now or at any point in time that you tell me as I will do with you. Deal?

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honestly.... i wouldn't send the note. i'd just forget about this guy. um...... he doesn't want to get nekkid with you because he wants to focus on his career??? most guys don't use their 'careers' as an excuse as to why they aren't having sex with you. personally, he sounds, 'just not that into you' and i guess i'm not sure why you would be wanting to be friends with someone who clearly isn't making you a priority in his life. i wouldn't stick around, but that's just me.

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If a guy is really into you, he will never tell you that he needs to put his career first. So with that being said, I would only send this letter if you truly have NO interest in anything other than friendship (how will you feel when he starts seeing someone else?). However, this is a lot of effort on your part and will most likely be seen by him as you trying to hard. If he wants a friendship it will happen, he will call you, and it should be natural and not forced like by a letter.

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