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jumbled up emotions...


wtm78

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I don’t really know what am I feeling right now. I thought that maybe as I type away, I can figure out and sort out my emotions...

 

My ex and me spilt up in Feb. She initiated but I wanted to go on. I did a lot of things to try to salvage the relationship. However she decided that it is not what she wanted and ignored all my efforts.

 

I couldn’t take that reality very well. I had been very upset, down and discourage. I could not understand why she made that decision. Neither could I understand why she could have misunderstood all my intentions.

 

I was very disappointed in her, in the relationship, in God for allow such tragedy. Most of all I was very disappointed in myself, for ruining everything. And I beat up myself for being such a weakling. For being unable to handle the breakup well. For being devastated and wrecked for the relationship lost. Am I very useless?

 

I went through emotional rollercoaster, and I fought to stay sane. I dealt with the whole thing alone. Then I felt very cold, that the world around me is very cold. In front of everyone else, I appeared strong and steady. But behind close doors I was hurting and crying in the inside of me. Sometimes I wondered if there is anyone that knows that I am actually hurting and needed a friend even when I didn’t ask for any sympathy.

 

For a while, I was disappointed with people. Disappointed that there are no true friends. Eventually I come to terms with reality.

 

Now, accepting that she is gone. I still miss her. I still missed the time we had together. I missed us being a couple. Sometimes I wonder how would it be if we did manage to survive that relationship crisis.

 

Maybe everything that happens happened for a reason. I do not know the reason to any. But I do know that what I had with her was real. At least I know that my feelings for her were real and tangible.

 

Nowadays, I don’t feel as horrible. But every few days I began to feel lonely and remembered her. I wonder how she is. But I am afraid to check on her blog. I don’t want to know that she is attached or seeing anyone or any news of that sort. Yes I know. I am selfish. Maybe I am just a terrible man.

 

If you are kind enough, drop me a line of two of encouragement, or offer any explainations on why I am feeling what I felt. I would sure need some at this point in time.

 

Thanks for reading this.

 

The end…

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Hi WTM

 

I think what you wrote made perfect sense there. Things do stay a bit muddled for a while, but hopefully over time it will slowly ease further - and that is when you will stop trying to make any sense out of it all. You begin to accept what happened and that there is nothing you can do to change that.

 

You aren't a useless person, that is for sure - just a kind and loving bloke. You are not a terrible person either for not wanting find out what she is up to because info like that can set you way way back. I guess it is selfish in a way but it is also self preservation. So I think you should be a bit kinder to yourself here and give a good bloke a break, ok?

 

Hope my wafflings are of some help mate - just know that your feelings are normal and you are treading the right path.

 

Mark

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Hey hunny, You have come a long way and should be very proud of yourself that you worked so hard to get here.

 

The fact that you tried to make amends and show her you were sorry was very mature and took real courage. Most men would not have done that.

I know my ex would NEVER EVER have fought for me like that.

 

Your efforts won't be in vain, the next soul that comes into your life will get the benefits from your "growth".

 

You have my full support

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You've come a very long way since February, just give yourself some more time because that is what you need.

 

Having our hearts broken isn't easy and it can just knock you down and leave you doubting yourself and everyone else...it's just so hard. It can leave you feeling useless, worthless and completely unloveable, but none of that's true, it's just one of the horrible (but temporary) side effects of heartbreak. Mark is right...be kind to yourself. Please don't check her blog, it'll only make things harder for you.

 

You're right that things happen for a reason...you're meant to be with someone else and you just haven't found eachother yet. Focus on your future and remember that you're going to be okay.

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finally, i pick up my courage.. and i read her blog... she is doing well and happy with her life.. i am happy for her...

 

she did mention about me.. not by name.. but i know she is referring to me.. nothing good though...

 

yes.. my heart sank... moving on... i think i will be fine...

 

i will be fine... wish me luck...

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