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Trust and Accused of Cheating


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Hey everyone. I need some advice on how to relate or deal with the situation I’m in. Brace yourselves for a ridiculous, but entertaining read.


Been with a girl for almost 3 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but most recently, I'm about ready to throw in the towel.


This past Sunday, my GF went out of town to visit family and I wasn’t able to go due to a family member being hospitalized. Sunday night, I went to a friends house to watch the game btwn the Eagles and Giants. It was myself, my friend Matt, and his girlfriend. During halftime, Matt’s long time friend Kelly calls and asked to come over. His GF doesn’t have a problem with it and Kelly comes over to finish the game with us.


Half an hour after Kelly comes over, my GF calls me and asks me what I’ve been up to. I respond: “not much, left the hospital about 2 hours ago and now I’m over at Matt’s watchin the game.” She says “who’s there” … i reply “Matt and Nicole. Kelly just came by about 30 min ago” ..."who's Kelly??" ... boom!! let the fireworks begin!


Background history: my GF is gorgeous but extremely insecure…mainly due to a past 9 year relationship. It’s caused us problems in the past but we’ve managed to get by them. I’ve never cheated in my life and she’s always told me she doesn’t have to worry about me screwing around.


All that changed b/c I told her that girl Kelly came over. I’m now being accused of cheating and being sneaky…waiting for her to leave town to go on a “date.” To me, it’s totally ridiculous how she can accuse me of this. I was watching a game at a friends house when his friend called to come over. Seriously, how does she get cheating out of that?! I voluntarily told her that Kelly was there. How does that not show I wasn’t trying to hide anything? She says I told her in an attempt to make the situation look innocent. Wow.


The point is, she’s totally pissed with me. She says I’m a lying cheat and I waited until she left town to screw her over. She has sent me many nasty-grams and even went so far as to break up with me and tell her parents what I’ve done. I didn’t cheat on her and I’m in total shock. I was simply at Matt's watching the game when this girl came by. I just can’t understand how a person can be this insecure to arrive at such ridiculous assumptions. My GF swears that I've been planning this for a long time. She claims it's funny how it was just matt and his GF and then this girl comes over to hang out. I'm not ..uuh ..whats the big deal? I didn't invite her over. I didn't even know she was coming..


How do I deal with this? I’m starting to think she has a guilty conscience. This just doesn’t add up. I am a believer that you can have friends of the opposite sex but somehow, I’m shocked that she can jump to a conclusion that I cheated.


For those innocent ones that have been accused of cheating, how do you convince them otherwise? How do you deal with this? I’m at a total loss for words and frozen in the moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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No we're not back together. She sent me a txt today saying "Leave me alone you lying cheat! I'm changing my locks. My family really liked you but now they know you're scum! "


...yea...my friends feel sorry that I'm in this situation. My friend Matt has tried calling her but she didn't pick up. He texted her and her only reply was "Did they ever date?" ...he said no. She says ..."oh I just thought they did since he said he knew her from a long time ago." and my friend says "He's only known her because she hangs out with me sometimes."


I don't think she's coming back. She's said many times in text: "I don't trust you! I will never date you again! I don't love you anymore!" lol ... yep ... this is what I'm going through. ...


...all because I was at my friends watchin the game when this girl came by. Ridiculous right??

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WOW is right.

You know how people that lie or steal always think everybody is stealing from them or lying. This is what this sounds like.

I wish I could tell you something but how do you prove your innoncence or why should you have to? This sounds like she has issues that have never been resolved and will continue to come up and cause problems. If you are back with her I think it is time to have a long talk about what a good relationship is like and what you want your relationship with her to be. If she can't then she can't and nothing you do will change that.



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I think it's time to move on then, she obviously has some issues she needs to sort out and who knows, she might realise she's being stupid and come back but right now, it's just not happening and being in a relationship with someone that doesnt trust you and has NO reaon not too just isnt worth it. Sorry dude, sux when things like this happen especially when you did nothing wrong.

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This sounds very ridiculous man. Sounds like her mind is made up too. If I were you i'd let her deal with whatever conjured up emotions shes created in her world. You cant really be angry, its more confusing than upsetting to me. She could, like you said, have a guilty conscience. Or some type of resentment, like she found a picture of another gilr and never said anything, or you forgot her birthday and she never told you how mad she was,a Myspace comment, anything trivial.


Even if you fix this, her irrational behavior and insecurites might creep back into the picture later. Let her know you did nothing and that there is not much more you can do to prove it, and her lack of trust is disrepectful. You should not have to stand trial everytime you are in the same room with the opposite sex while your SO is not. Good luck man I really dont know what YOU can do. But I do understand your frustration/

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Wow, that sucks.


I can understand how it might make her feel insecure, since it could easily be interpreted as.. Matt & his gf, & you & Kelly. But I think her reaction was completely out of proportion. If Kelly is a really nice person, you could ask Matt to ask Kelly to send your gf a message telling her that she was really there to hang out with Matt, hardly knows you & has no interest in you.


If you & Kelly really had a thing, Kelly would be more likely to say something like "He's mine now!" Most girls wouldn't be willing to lie & say "nothing happened" to the gf if they really had hooked up with the guy. The only thing is... your gf reaction is so over the top it is likely she wouldn't believe Kelly & might end up sending nasty messages to the girl.


How well does your gf know Matt's gf? She might be a better person to talk to your gf & I bet your gf would have a better chance of believing her.


On the other hand, would you really want to date this girl who completely lost it for no good reason?

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Sorry this is just funny, this girl has some major trust issues. It doesn't seem like she ever trusted you, because then she be able to trust you then. She is being really ridiculous, so at least you know this and you guys weren't married. Imagine, being married to her and then being at a friends, a female coming over and her saying she wants a divorce? Uhh ya, you dodged a bullet, run!


Look at it this way, a couple, then there is you & another female. She just sees it in her eyes as a double date, because she doesn't think a guy and a female can be around each other with not dating.

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I’m starting to think she has a guilty conscience. This just doesn’t add up.




I personally believe this kind of ridiculous behavior is indicative of a guilty conscience. The only other thing that popped into my mind was that she had begun to lose interest in the relationship and was just biding her time until something happened that could 'justify' getting out.


Let me share with you a sad guilty conscience story of my own:


I also dated a guy for about three years. One morning in bed, the first words out of his mouth are--


"You have scratches all over your back. Who did that to you?"


I was speechless, and I didn't know what to say. Did I fall into some bushes? Get a little overzealous with my loofah? I tried looking over my shoulder but I couldn't see them.


"They're all over your back, go look in the mirror," he said.


So I went over to the mirror and didn't see any scratches. They. Weren't. There. I got back into bed but he wouldn't look at me. I have never felt so helpless, I didn't know how to make him believe me!


When he finally looked, and saw no scratches, he brushed it off and didn't even apologize. Or if he did apologize, he justified the accusation by saying that I was acting 'shady.'


I came to find out later that he was cheating on me at that time. I guess his guilty conscience was enough to cause hallucinations! Ever read Poe's "Tell Tale Heart?"


Good luck smoothing things over with her, but do you always want to live on guard, waiting for the next unsubstantiated accusation?

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Man... insecurities galore.


If I were you I'd tell her she can believe whatever she wants and if she can't trust you then what's the point of being together. She threw away something good because she's not secure enough in herself to believe that you wouldn't cheat. Don't cater to her insecurities man. Tell it to her like it is and be done with her. If she decides to rethink things then maybe you can talk to her about it.


Best of luck

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