I need some time apart from hubby...

[ceeceeinbama]

My husband and I work in the same building, ride back and forth to work together every day, eat lunch together every day, and work out at the gym three days a week. I love him completely; however, this constant togetherness is wearing me out. We've been married two years (second marriage for us both).

 

I have attempted to discuss my feelings about this before, and he gets hurt saying he wants to spend as much time with me as he can and he doesn't understand my point of view. I would love to "do my own thing" on Tuesdays and Thursdays (non-gym days); however, I'm reluctant to bring it up. I have no social life of my own. Sometimes, if I want to go for a walk by myself or to the grocery store by myself, he seems upset about that!

 

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Hubby is 58, I am 49.

[Seraphim]

Everyone needs their own time and space to be their own person. There is such a thing as TOO MUCH togetherness. Explain to him that you are losing who you are and that the relationship needs balance.

[DN]

Perhaps you could compromise but I have to say I could understand him being hurt at the idea that you want to spend two days a week away from him.

[riley123]

wow, that's a lot togetherness!

 

i agree with victoria, you both need outlets. doesn't he ever want to spend time with his friends? does he have any?

[ceeceeinbama]

Hubby plays golf periodically and has many friends, although they don't "do" much together. As Victoria said, I am losing who I am!

 

I don't want to hurt him--I really don't. We're good together!

[alli]

I can see both of your viewpoints. You definitely need a little time to yourself to do your own thing. But with my bf, even though we live together I wish we had more time together.

 

Since you already brought it up to your husband & he feels hurt, I don't see how saying the same thing again would make him understand. I would suggest you join a group or something that you KNOW he wouldn't want to do. For instance, join a quilting or scrapbook club. Have you ever tried making ceramics on a potter's wheel? I used to love doing that & it's not too hard to learn & get good at. Or take one-on-one lessons for a musical instrument. Something that you would enjoy doing, enjoy the time to yourself without him feeling like you want to "get away from him".

 

Oooh, another idea is this group called "BPW"- business & professional women. My mom is in that but honestly I was completely bored at the only meeting I went to.

[Seraphim]

When one loses sense of themself as a person and the "couple" becomes the entity this is a recipe for disaster. We are all individuals and need that sense that we are. We can all have outside interests and friends and still love and respect and want to be with our spouse. Balance is very critical to a good relationship.

[loulee]

When one loses sense of themself as a person and the "couple" becomes the entity this is a recipe for disaster. We are all individuals and need that sense that we are. We can all have outside interests and friends and still love and respect and want to be with our spouse. Balance is very critical to a good relationship.

This is excellent advice.. balance in any type of relationship is critical and often is constant hardwork to achieve on an ongoing basis..Pay attention to your needs or else you will become resentful..Your husband will support your choices to do some things on your own If you balance these other interests without making him feel neglected in any way. For example skip the gym or lunch and do the things that you want to do and say Ill grab something special to cook for us for dinner on the way home.. break him into your need for some time apart to pursue interests of your own slowly so he does not feel abandoned or threatened and he adjusts to the changes. he will also notice that you will feel more content and happy as long as he still feels that he is the most important part of that feeling and Im sure you can do that...