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Am I attractive to date? (don't worry, no rating of pics)


shy2cool

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I have a bad habit of questioning my attractiveness to women. It's not hard for me to think in this way - not many friends, looking to improve my social life but seem to be getting no where.

 

I am a hardworking guy with a great university education and good career path. I work full-time, as well as part-time in a second job in the evenings. I am shy, but have a great sense of humor and am not afraid to laugh at myself. I am always looking at ways to improve myself. While I try to start every new day with a positive attitude, I just feel so alone sometimes and am wanting to meet a lovely girl. However, I'm kinda scared of approaching girls actually.

 

It's kinda disheartening to see other guys who don't work hard or want to improve their life with girlfriends.

 

Unfortunately, the only place that I am meeting women around my age is at work.

 

The question is; disregarding looks, would you date someone like me?

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If I were single, I would be interested in dating you- I like shy guys (I really can't handle 'attitudes' and macho behavior), you sound level-headed, stable, intelligent. If this were an ad for a dating site I'd wonder if you do things outside work, like a specific sport/hobby.

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Of course. A lot of success in dating is remembering that you only need one person to be happy, and you will eventually marry and this will be a non-issue.

 

But the best way to find that person is a numbers game. If you aren't out meeting lots of people, you won't find that one person that will fit well with you.

 

Shy people can do very well with online dating. You post a picture of yourself along with a carefully thought out ad that highlights your strong points (like you did here). Women who are interested will respond, and you should make plans to meet lots of them for coffee, just as many as possible to weed thru them to find one that clicks with you.

 

It is a very similar approach to if you never send your resume out to a lot of job opportunities, you won't find a job. And if you sit around waiting for the exact one job description that sounds right, you may miss a lot of viable job opportunities if you'd broadened your search and considered all opportunities.

 

And the more women you meet and greet, the less shy you will become about approaching women.

 

So just spend your time getting out there everywhere you can, and not taking any one contact with a woman too seriously. When you meet someone you really click with, you'll both know it.

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I like shy guys.

 

Oh, do ya, really? I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about this totally completely different thread where someone (not implying it was you. It was actually some guy) told me NO GIRL really likes shy guys cause they have less value than "alpha males." I said that just can't be true, and you've provided evidence, lol. Sorry...

 

To the OP, I'm a guy, and I'm into girls, so I can't say that I would date you. BUT you listed some pretty good qualities, man. I'd definitively hang out with you (I'm kinda like what you described too... mostly around strangers). And believe me when I tell you this: If you don't approach her, you'll never date her. So you gotta approach women... It's something I'm thinking about working on too. But yes, you've got the sense of humor, you're hardworking. Very good qualities in a human being.

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I tend to think that I would be better suited to 'shy' guys, those who are quiet and kinda reserved, like myself. Alas, I don't attract that type.

 

I think you sound like you would be my 'ideal' man actually. I like intelligence, a guy who has ambition and who knows where he is going and a must for me is a guy having a 'great sense of humour'.....so yeah, I'd date you.

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To put it simply, there are many women who would be perfectly willing to date you. ( we're not /all/ psychotic emotional masochists who seek out abusive/neglectful boyfriends )

 

You just have to know where to look for those women who would be attracted to your qualities. As a general rule of thumb, avoid bars and clubs. ( being that you're shy, they're probably not the best places for you to really meet someone ) Seek out places that have an mature/intellectual, educated atmosphere where people get together to talk about their ideas and interests.

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To put it simply, there are many women who would be perfectly willing to date you. ( we're not /all/ psychotic emotional masochists who seek out abusive/neglectful boyfriends )

 

You just have to know where to look for those women who would be attracted to your qualities. As a general rule of thumb, avoid bars and clubs. ( being that you're shy, they're probably not the best places for you to really meet someone ) Seek out places that have an mature/intellectual, educated atmosphere where people get together to talk about their ideas and interests.

 

because only stupid people go out to bars and clubs. gotcha

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why is it not a good one? it's a place where people gather.

 

it's just where you're drunk and the music's really loud so you don't really get to know people... but i guess that's where dating comes in. i don't know, i've never given out my real number at the bar before. lol i've always associated bars with sleazebags but obv thats contradicting. haha... maybe i will when i feel like dating again. hm.

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As a female, I would be concerned about dating you because (based on this and previous posts) it seems that a gf would be your whole social circle. That's a lot of pressure to put on a person. You would increase your dating attractiveness if you got out and made some friends. You'd probably meet a woman to date that way, as well.

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You sound like a "nice guy". While there are some women that would date you, most wouldn't. There are not as many women willing to date nice guys as there are nice guys.

 

I've seen some hideous guys, who were unemployed who got girlfriends. It's because of their personalities, and they are not nice guys.

 

While there are women that will date nice guys, they are rare. Don't forget that.

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With many of the qualities you possess sure there may be plenty of women that would want to date you but once they go out with you, would you be able to hold thier interest is the question? My guess is, maybe, maybe not because of your lack in confidence. Dont be cocky about your accomplishments but be proud of them and let it shine from you. Women will pick this up like a radar! NEVER brag about your accomplishments though. What im saying is YOU appreciate what you have done and hold head high and this will help raise your confidence!

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it's just where you're drunk and the music's really loud so you don't really get to know people... but i guess that's where dating comes in. i don't know, i've never given out my real number at the bar before. lol i've always associated bars with sleazebags but obv thats contradicting. haha... maybe i will when i feel like dating again. hm.

 

i've had some great gfs that i met out on the town. good people don't just sit at home.

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I think the rule of thumb should be that a good place for a person to meet a potential date is a place where that person feels comfortable.

 

Completely agree. I bet if you took an unfit person to a running club they wouldnt have a high level of confidence and there chances of appearing/believeing attractive would be less.

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it's just where you're drunk and the music's really loud so you don't really get to know people... but i guess that's where dating comes in. i don't know, i've never given out my real number at the bar before. lol i've always associated bars with sleazebags but obv thats contradicting. haha... maybe i will when i feel like dating again. hm.

 

then you can't really say you missed out or not.

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because only stupid people go out to bars and clubs. gotcha

 

That suggestion was geared ONLY towards the OP and was NOT a blanket statement. I have nothing against bars and clubs.

 

The advice was given based on the consideration of the (perceived) OP's personality style.

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You sound a lot like me though I don't know who's better looking LOL and I am doing well dating wise. It's good that you are nice, but it's not good that you are shy (b/c that means you don't meet as many girls so of course mathematically less chance of meeting your match). So I'd say you just need to meet more people, ask girls out, and you will be fine.

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Get rid of that bad habit, just remember your good qualities, but do not boast about it.

 

How old are you? If you are not after the youngest girls (teens, early 20s), then 30's and 40's women may have great interest at you.

 

I am 30's, and now I value guys with stable job, tolerable attitude and quirks, and nice personalities as the top on my list. Even my outgoing attractive girl friends of same age value similar things to mine, so do not worry, there are still huge numbers of attractive girls of more mature age who would be happy to get approached by someone like you.

 

Of course, I could be at odd here, probably because of my background (being Asian from traditional upbringing), and you may want teens or younger girls.

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