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Teacher troubles


St.Anonymous
English Conversation About COLLEGE ...
English Conversation About COLLEGE LIFE - TALKING ABOUT A PROFESSOR

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There has been something that has been on my chest for a while now...

I have a teacher at school whom I have been interested in (when I say interested in i mean he is scorching hot)

It is natural when u r my age to flirt unintentionally with someone u find attractive. yea?

Well I didn't realise I was doing this and it might have sent him some mixed messages.

The other day he asked if I wanted a ride home. I stupidly enough said yes.

He took me to a secluded area 10 mins from my school, and he kissed my neck.

I felt really awkward and felt the urge to burst into tears at any moment. I said tht i really needed to go home and he took me home.

He hasn't said anything about what has happened since and he acts like nothin has happened.. He is still really nice and everything.

But it is one of those things tht i will never forget about it... It haunts me everyday.

I am so scared tht someone at my school will find out.. and i dont want him to loose his job, coz i guess it was my fault to begin with...

I have needed someone to talk to about it!!!

And since I am anonymous to everyone on here, I guess... wat im asking for.. is a little advice? or something?

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No matter how much you flirted or were nice to your teacher, it is his responsibility that he acted inappropriately towards you. You are a minor student and he is a teacher in a role of power and control. No matter how flirtatious you may have been (or not), consciously or unconsciously, it is his duty to abide by the rules of his job as well as by the laws of where you live. He is the one who crossed the line by driving you home and taking you to that place. I realize that you are attracted to him in some ways. It's OK to be attracted to someone and not do anything. Mature people do that all the time when they are in relationships or are married. I would avoid any situations where you and he would be alone, and, if this still bothers you, I would consider talking to a counselor--maybe someone outside the school setting.

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i had a huge crush on my english teacher and i totally flirted with him. but if he reciprocated like that, i'd freak out too. he's your TEACHER, that's part of the fantasy. it's not your fault. he's disgusting.

 

So, you would flirt with a guy outrageously, but the moment he reciprocated you would freak out? Wow.. I hope the men out there are reading this very CAREFULLY! Women like this are dangerous. And should be avoided at all costs. I feel sorry for men that are subjected to this sort of behaviour from foolish women.

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So, you would flirt with a guy outrageously, but the moment he reciprocated you would freak out? Wow.. I hope the men out there are reading this very CAREFULLY! Women like this are dangerous. And should be avoided at all costs. I feel sorry for men that are subjected to this sort of behaviour from foolish women.

 

There is a huge difference here.

 

This isn't a guy, this is a man. While the girl in question is a GIRL.

 

It IS wrong for a man of authority (a school teacher no less) to take advantage of a GIRL.

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So, you would flirt with a guy outrageously, but the moment he reciprocated you would freak out? Wow.. I hope the men out there are reading this very CAREFULLY! Women like this are dangerous. And should be avoided at all costs. I feel sorry for men that are subjected to this sort of behaviour from foolish women.

 

he's a TEACHER. i'm not foolish.

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So, you would flirt with a guy outrageously, but the moment he reciprocated you would freak out? Wow.. I hope the men out there are reading this very CAREFULLY! Women like this are dangerous. And should be avoided at all costs. I feel sorry for men that are subjected to this sort of behaviour from foolish women.

 

 

First of all she didn't say "outrageously" she said she flirted. God, we all flirt a little sometimes.

 

A teacher should know the line that isn't to be crossed regardless of how the student acts get that? REGARDLESS. Becasue a women flirts, doesn't mean she deserves to be taken advantage of by a man in an authority position especially when he's a man, and she's a child. She does have every right to freak out, she thought (or didn't think for that matter) that no matter what her foolish flirty behavior a teacher should be able to be trusted to make the smart decision for the 2.

 

You should talk to someone, just think about the girl who does the same thing as you and doesn't tell him to stop... or does tell him and he doesn't listen.

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he's a TEACHER. i'm not foolish.

 

If he was a teacher, why did you flirt with him outrageously? Yes, he is a teacher, so then he is off limits to you, isn't he? Then why would you be flirting with him in such a manner? Why can you do what ever you want. You are not a dumb kid. 17 or 18 or 19 year old girls are not as stupid as they pretend to be. They know exactly what they are doing.

 

This is the crap that is being fed to women these days, they can behave however they want and take no responsibility for their actions. Leave the man alone. You are foolish at best and a dangerous person at worst.

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^ are you having a bad day or something!?

 

Why are you putting words into her mouth (so to speak?) she didn't say she outrageously flirted it could have been harmless kidding around!

 

Sure he's off limits but so is a married man, or a women with a bf but that doesn't stop many of us from flirting with them. In the end it is up the the teacher or husband, or girlfriend to halt all advances.

 

And don't go around saying women don't take responsibilty... both men and women do the same things...

 

I assure you in this case, in the eyes of the law and authority the teacher is the one who has responsibility to keep things in line- period.

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If he was a teacher, why did you flirt with him outrageously? Yes, he is a teacher, so then he is off limits to you, isn't he? Then why would you be flirting with him in such a manner? Why can you do what ever you want. You are not a dumb kid. 17 or 18 or 19 year old girls are not as stupid as they pretend to be. They know exactly what they are doing.

 

This is the crap that is being fed to women these days, they can behave however they want and take no responsibility for their actions. Leave the man alone. You are foolish at best and a dangerous person at worst.

 

first of all, please withold your insults.

 

2ndly, i was in highschool. i was 16. while i knew the effect i had on men, i didn't know or understand the repercussions of it. at 16, even IF i was and i'm not saying i was, even if i was outrageously flirting with him, he - as my teacher, who is an authority figure in a position of trust to look out for my best interest, if he responded by trying to have sex with me... he is still wrong. that's the end of story.

 

if i was outrageously flirting with him and acting all sexy/seducing him, it is his job to report ME and get me into therapy and fix whatever it is that is causing me to act like i did. it is NOT right for him to take advantage of a naive young girl. By naive, I don't mean that she doesn't know she's being a tease (some girls don't even know really...) I mean, she doesn't really understand the entire situations and if she knew better, she wouldn't be acting like that.

 

young girls are fed at a very young age that flirting, sex and sexual things are powerful. through our bodies and sex, we can get away with a lot of things. we understand that. that's what the media taught us. what they don't teach us, is that our bodies should never have been used that way to begin with and sexuality while it is power, it could be much more powerful and SACRED. which makes young girls even more vulnerable and the reason why the OP's "teacher" is even more of a PIG and should be removed of his position.

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^ are you having a bad day or something!?

 

Why are you putting words into her mouth (so to speak?) she didn't say she outrageously flirted it could have been harmless kidding around!

 

Sure he's off limits but so is a married man, or a women with a bf but that doesn't stop many of us from flirting with them. In the end it is up the the teacher or husband, or girlfriend to halt all advances.

 

And don't go around saying women don't take responsibilty... both men and women do the same things...

 

I assure you in this case, in the eyes of the law and authority the teacher is the one who has responsibility to keep things in line- period.

 

and yes, to emphasize over again, i didn't outrageously flirt with him. i have a flirting sort of personality. i flirt often, it's not something i can really help but i'm not a sleaze.

 

i don't think he's having a bad day. i think he had a bitter experience..

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It doesn't matter how much you flirted with him. He is the teacher and so it is his responsibility not to cross the line with you into inappropriate sexual activity, which includes kissing or fondling. If you are uncomfortable and want him to stop and he does not respect your boundaries, he is guilty of sexual harassment. I would suggest telling your parents and/or a school counselor immediately before this escalates and causes your problems in school.

 

By law, sexual harassment of a student under 18 by a teacher occurs when the teacher causes a student to believe that he or she must submit to unwelcome sexual conduct in order to participate in a school program or activity. It can also occur when the teacher causes a student to believe that he or she will make an educational decision based on whether or not the student submits to unwelcome sexual conduct.

 

Another type of sexual harassment occurs when a hostile environment is created. This occurs when unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature is so severe, persistent, or pervasive that it affects a student's ability to participate in or benefit from an education program or activity, or creates an intimidating, threatening or abusive educational environment.

 

This is basically quoted from the U.S. Dept of Education on sexual harassment. link removed

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Do I think younger women sometimes not understand how their behavior affects men? Absolutely. Should it give the young woman a "free pass" because she is young and still learning? Not really. To the OP... use this experience to learn from and know that your actions always have repercussions. Know where to draw the line.

 

However, I think MOST of the blame should be put on the teacher. As someone teenagers look up to, and as someone in a position of power, he should KNOW, irregardless of hot 17-year old girls flirting with him, that that line should NEVER be crossed. If this teacher will cross that line with her (and her actions were NOT right) then who is to stop him from doing it with other young girls? The man should lose his job. Period. Anyone in a position of power and respect over adolescents needs to be SQUEAKY clean. Always.

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He behaved inappropriately hun, it wasn't your fault.

I think you should report him. Remember how you feel? afraid? alone? scared? miserable?

Imagine if it had gone further? what if he had raped you.

Its only a matter of time before something worse happens to one of your classmates - Report him!

Even if its just your word against his at least the college has it on file.

Of course he's nice/normal to you now - he's afraid you will report him.

 

HE won't lose his job from 1 allegation (sadly these things take time) but you need to do this.

 

*Hugs** girl friend x

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Do I think younger women sometimes not understand how their behavior affects men? Absolutely. Should it give the young woman a "free pass" because she is young and still learning? Not really.

 

Sometimes women don't understand their actions much in the same way men don't.

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Sometimes women don't understand their actions much in the same way men don't.

 

No disrespect intended, but your point is? I'm agreeing that women (and men) don't always understand their actions but that doesn't clear her of some of the responsibility. But like I mentioned in my post, despite the OP's understanding (or misunderstanding) that she have flirted in the first place, the teacher should still bear the majority of the fault here.

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No disrespect intended, but your point is? I'm agreeing that women (and men) don't always understand their actions.

 

My point was that since you mentioned women not understanding... blah blah blah I felt the need to make sure you covered all ground being that men do the very same thing.

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Responsibility and fault are not the same thing. I don't think any child is to blame for the inappropriate or illegal actions of an adult, regardless of the child's behavior. It is OK, in a safe setting, to consider what could be learned from the situation so that she (the OP) can remain safe in the future, and learn how to act responsibly in a manner more consistent with what she wants and needs. But, it's a very tricky thing to throw around this point on an anonymous forum, since responsibility could easily be read as "fault" by the OP, which is truly not helpful at this point in the process.

 

My opinion.

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Thank u all so much.. it is good to get a perspective from EVERYONE.

I do NOT want to pursue anything AT ALL.

Its weird because I see him as a close friend. He is really helping me out with my HSC atm and is always there and willing to listen! I don't want anything more. He is a very professional man and he does not look at any other student like he does me.

If he teaches the class a certain topic he will always be asking me and me only if i am ok and get the work...

We share a common interest which brings us closer.. that is the band The Cure. It is like me talking to u guys about Keanu in a way.

I am not silly and would NEVER have a student-teacher relationship!!! EVER!

I have a boyfriend now anyway wtih whom i have spent 2 and a half years with!!!

I have told him about all this and he has helped me a lot.

As for telling the parentals.. I dont think so...

I couldnt even start to imagine what they would say or do...

They would not think and act on anger only.

The man is 34 and has a fionce (who he is scared to marry, he told me tht anyway). Well, he told me at first he had a fionce... The next time we talked he said he didn't... And i noticed that his ring had gone. I have stopped all unintentional flirting i used to do and now try to avoid him.

It is hard though. It is my HSC year so I always need to see him about essays and everything. I asked him to mark an essay two days ago. He kept me in his room for at least two hours after class, he said that he needed to go over it with me.

We share a common interest, The band, The Cure. He gave me a badge not to long ago that he had bought at an early concert he went to. I accpted it and have it on my pencil case. We talked about The Cure a lot in those two hours we were together.

I can't keep myself away from him. I see no harm spending time with me if he isnt hurting me or assaulting me in anyway..

He is very nice, and under all the teacher-ness, he is, in fact, still an average man...

Anyways.. wat do u think?

St. Anonymous Xo.

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To be honest, he sounds like nothing but trouble. He's gradually trying to win you over by being your confidante and by talking about his personal life. That's very inappropriate. He's your teacher not your best friend. Maybe you can be close friends once you graduate. Either he's clueless and doesn't understand teacher/student boundaries, or he's very manipulative and trying to groom you. "Grooming" means he's trying to wear down your defenses so he can have an affair with you. It's a type of seduction. Gaining your trust is one of the first steps.

 

Think about it - why is a 34 year-old engaged man hanging out for two hours with a 17 year-old student he has tried to kiss? You say he's no longer engaged, but it sounds like he was engaged when he kissed your neck.

 

It's good you're trying to avoid him.

 

Can you talk to your boyfriend about this?

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