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Another problem dealing with my break up dealing with porn.


mr me

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I think this might be something that alot of ppl might have to deal with but i dont know. I usually end up talking about stuff that it seems like no one gets so usually i just feel weird talking about anything. I will just saying that my break-up has been somewhat traumatic for a lack of a better word. I basically am still trying to deal with alot of memories or thoughts that are blocked out. Its hard because i know alot of stuff that has happened and i know its real but im still struggling alot with not being able to cope with it. I think sexually it has really done alot of damage. I dont think i would get into it alot because i dont think alot of ppl would understand and probably look at me like im crazy but im just explaining my situation. I will say my problem is this horrible fear or anxiety of seeing my ex in amateur porn. I still see her in alot of ways physically of being my dream girl so its been really hard for me to be attractive to anyone. I guess on top of that its almost painful to be reminded of her in any way. I know some ppl have actually seen their ex in amateur porn. I basically have enough trouble as it is dealing with sexual frustration because of my break-up and not really finding girls that im attracted to.

 

I think most ppl would say well does she seem like a girl that would do that. I will just say there were alot of things that i thought about her and i seemed to come off really wrong because she just decided to be a completely different person on me. I guess that has alot to do with her being abused but that a whole other issue that im trying to deal with. Alot of the time my anxiety is so bad that i cant really even calm myself down or do much. I also deal with being really depressed to where i dont even know if i can really enjoy myself at all when im like that. I just look at porn as a way to deal with sexual frustration because im a really sexual person but i dont really find ppl that i would enjoy it with. Its just on top of all of that i had to deal with my ex going crazy on me because i was watching porn but before she didnt have a problem with it. Its just her abusive dad watches it and she said that she would never be with anyone that did. I really just couldnt get how i could be with my dream girl but it seemed like everything would always go wrong. I guess on top of that i also tried to stop myself from watching porn but i couldnt so i ended up havin this crazy fear that she was going to break up with me and it seemed to have scarred me. I know that the best thing to do is to have not been with someone that is like that or find some one i dont need to have those issues with. Its just that is so much easier said then done and with all my issues growing up that im still struggling with sometimes i dont even know how i make it thru the day. This all still bothers me alot and still causes alot of problems for me. I basically wouldnt have even talked about this if i didnt make myself do it and not let myself continue to make things seem impossible for myself.

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Let me get this straight. You are getting all worked up because you MIGHT see her in a porn flick?

Aside from that the whole concept being pretty preposterous, for the sake of argument, suppose she IS in a flick. It will show her to be some major hypocrite but that's all. Sorry guy, but I doubt she was some pristine Princess before she met you. It is totally unfair, not to mention egotistical, to imagine some girl putting her whole life (including her sex-life) on hold waiting for you to show up. You are going to get over yourself on that one.

 

As to her deciding you can't watch porn because her abusive old man did. That's equally whack. I'll bet he ate carrots. Are THEY banned as well?

NOBODY tells me what I can or cannot read, listen to, or watch. If you cave on this, what's the next thing she will forbid? "You can't watch wrestling because it's violent"? Or, "You can't watch 'Will & Grace' because it has gay people in it"?

 

My friend, this is harsh, but you really need to grow a pair. Nobody has the right to take over your life and make you less of a man.

 

 

 

 

 

Of course that's just my opinion. I COULD be wrong.

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I agree with Nurseman... just because 'her abusive father watched porn' doesnt mean she shouldnt / couldnt. It's just a huuuge excuse to ignore the problems that are really at play.

 

My father was very abusive during my early childhood (before my mom left him). I have had problems in the past where I don't want my partner to look at porn because of how it made me feel. Regardless of how much growth you've made since the abuse, there's always a small part of you that is insanely uncomfortable with yourself and your body. It's kind of like 'how can I be a good person if my own father couldnt even love me'. That's something she has to deal with that. It has nothing to do with you, porn, or her father.

 

If she was in porn then realize all the factors that probably lead to that. We've got someone who clearly has some body issues lurking from her past. By being in porn she's able to have millions of guys staring at her and finding her attractive. It's obviously not the best way to deal with those issues (since it is causing problems now) but hey, it happened.

 

If you can't live with it then move on. If you can, I have a bunch of suggestions that really help me deal with the hidden insecuries rooted from my childhood that may really help her (although admitting the insecuries instead of trying to hide them helps the most). But don't be so hypocritical... you can't watch porn and enjoy porn and have this huge problem with your gf being in one in her past. Every girl in every porno is somebody's daughter, or sister, or girlfriend.

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Umm ok I dont know if anyone got what i said. I was talking about how hard this has been with me and how my anxiety and fear is making it really hard for me to enjoy anything sexual. I watch porn as a way to deal with sexual frustration because i have pretty high standards and not alot of girls i see meet those standards. I really dont even know where to start on explaining myself because i dont know what made ppl take it that way. I guess also when i mean amateur porn i mean like a vid u make with ur partner nothing to do with the porn business. Also i said because her dad watches porn she didnt want me to but it was really weird because she didnt care before.

 

I cant really explain what its like to be in an abusive relationship or why you would be to someone that doesnt get it because its nothing like how most ppl think it is. I also didnt know i could be abused if it wasnt physical. I really dont know it doesnt even seem like anyone really tried to help me and just went on something totally different. I guess i really just write to have a place to say what i dont really get to say anywhere else and if i dont really get any type of help or support i guess thats how itll be.

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mr me, I also read your original post and took exactly the same points from it that the other posters here did. Your comments about amateur porn and how you were not allowed to watch it etc were a bit baffling. I'm sure that people here are just trying to work out what's going on before they can give you advice, I know I would (and do).

 

The other thing is that it was not clear, at least to me, from your post that you were abused. Perhaps this is clear from your other posts, but if that's the case it's worth mentioning here again, as we do not always go and read past posts before replying to a current one.

 

I hope you can find happiness and sort out these issues. Have you been able to speak to someone independent about it?

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I guess ppl can take it as that but i dont see why anyone couldnt just ask me if anything was unclear instead of talking about something they didnt really understand. Things like that dont bother me unless i really dont see a better way of handling them. I also dont think its that hard to ask someone to clear something up. I also dont talk about me being abused alot being im still trying to deal with the depression of actually having to go thru that as well as the fact that because that is something that is in my family history that that same cycle is passed down to me. I guess its just me but when i see someone going thru something that is hard i dont usually try to make things harder or complicate things for them already. I guess that is just my problem from knowing alot about psychology and what is a good way of doing things. Its just no matter how much you know its always really difficult to help yourself. Its just in the end i see im probably better at helping myself so i guess thats just gonna continue to be my dilemma.

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