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Snooping in S.O


xonicolemarie
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Just out of curiosity, I had four questions for people in relationships, or who have been in relationships

 

What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad):

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any:

Have u ever snooped and found something:

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them:

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Well my recent ex was persistent in snooping. He was so sure he was going to find something and he found nothing. Didn't stop his suspicions though.

 

I did snoop once. I came accross a number on his phone. I wasn't looking at that time, I was just calling my daughter from his cell. I did snoop to see who the number belonged to.

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad)?

 

-Snooping is bad if it's a habit.

 

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any?

 

-Snooping should be allowed under the circumstances that you have strong suspicions that your partner is being unfaithful/lying to you. It shouldn't be something you just do for the hell of it, to see if you'll find anything on them.

 

Have u ever snooped and found something?

 

-I've only snooped on my last boyfriend, & that's because I had a strong hunch that he was up to no good, & I was right.

 

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them?

 

-It's not a normal thing if you snoop as a normal behavior, & it's not ok to snoop multiple times. The point of snooping is to find something as evidence to support your beliefs. If you don't find anything, don't continue snooping. If you do find something, confront them & make your decision instead of continuing the relationship & more snooping.

 

 

-I believe that everyone is entitled to their own privacy; however, in some cases, I believe it's necessary to investigate to protect yourself from being hurt.

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Just out of curiosity, I had four questions for people in relationships, or who have been in relationships

 

What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad):

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any:

Have u ever snooped and found something:

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

 

I think snooping in general is bad. It shows a lack of trust between a couple. Sadly though sometimes there is a good reason for it.

I don't think snooping should be allowed. In my first 2 serious relationships both snooped and denied(lied) about it. Since then if a girl is caught snooping I have and will continue to break up with them on the spot because I have no reason to have to explain myself because I'm an honest and faithful partner.

I have never snooped. I've always trusted the other person. I would consider snooping if I started suspecting cheating due to a change of behavior or distance.

Unfortunately I do think snooping is normal...at least for a while. After several years with that person though I think you either figure out that the are hiding things or you snoop and never find anything and just stop caring because you know you won't find anything.

 

In a relationship consisting of total trust there wouldn't be any snooping.

 

I remember my ex accusing me of cheating so I handed over the phone to her and told her to go crazy. She almost foaming at the mouth went through all of my history while I sat there and stared her down. I broke it off with her a few weeks later. My last ex got mad at me for having some text messages still in my phone from my ex and that was probably our first major fight and it completely changed the dynamics of the relationship after that. I didn't see anything wrong nor did I even realize I still had old text from my ex (I never delete any of my info). She went from the calm, secure, and "cool" girlfriend to the insecure, "crazy" girlfriend after that and I do believe that is about the time in the relationship when I started feeling trapped and the I lost feelings for her.

 

So yeah, not a big fan of it to say the least.

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Just out of curiosity, I had four questions for people in relationships, or who have been in relationships

 

What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad)

It's bad. In a healthy relationship there shouldn't be any snooping going on by either partner.

 

 

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any

None.

 

 

Have u ever snooped and found something

Yes, I did. And the only reason I did was because I was certain she was cheating on me but wanted/needed "proof." I found it too... both physical and emails. I didn't break into her computer... she left her email open and I glanced at her "out" box and sure enough... enough proof. The physical stuff was in her bedside drawer, which I used often.

 

 

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

I think it screams lack of trust, insecurities, or both and that's not a healthy thing.

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In my situation, I never gave him any reason to need to snoop or even validate what I was saying to be the truth.....He was just and still is extremely suspicious of any female that he's with. Sad, really when you think about it. He' will never be able to enjoy a loving relationship.

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Just out of curiosity, I had four questions for people in relationships, or who have been in relationships

 

What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad):

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any:

Have u ever snooped and found something:

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

 

I think it only results in bad things.

 

The only time snooping is justified is if you have a reason for believing they are hiding something you should know about

 

I've never snooped, and thus never found anything

 

It's bad if you have a reason to snoop because it means your SO is hiding something. If you don't have a reason and you are snooping, then it means YOU have a problem.. lack of trust in your partner when they have given you no reason to not trust them. How can you have a solid relationship if there is no trust? You can't.

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad):

-Bad, always bad. But I'd rather be in the wrong and find out, then never have a clue.

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any:

-You should snoop if you suspect and can't find out through through honesty. You shouldn't snoop if you're just 'curious.'

Have u ever snooped and found something:

-I snooped and found loads and loads of porn, I was devestated.

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them:

-I think if you suspect, you have every reason to snoop, though that doesn't make it the "right" choice.

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Just out of curiosity, I had four questions for people in relationships, or who have been in relationships

 

 

 

What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad):

Very bad. You only snoop if you don't have any trust. No trust = Not good for a relationship.

 

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any:

Once again, if a person is snooping it either means they are insecure or have reason to believe their partner is cheating.. I don't believe any form of snooping should be allowed

 

Have u ever snooped and found something:

With my ex I did and felt worse after the fact.

 

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

It is definitely not normal. Needs to be more trust and honesty.

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad)

I think morally it is wrong, but sometimes you have to do it for that peace of mind (just not a habit, only under suspicion)

 

 

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any

I think snooping should only be allowed when you have a reason to believe that your spouse is not being faithful to you.

 

Have u ever snooped and found something

 

YES It sucked finding that type of stuff, but saved me A LOT of trouble in the end.

 

 

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

 

No i don't think it's a normal thing to do if it's on a regular basis. I do think it screams out there is a lack of trust and communication in that relationship as well.

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad)

I think morally it is wrong, but sometimes you have to do it for that peace of mind (just not a habit, only under suspicion)

 

 

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any

I think snooping should only be allowed when you have a reason to believe that your spouse is not being faithful to you.

 

Have u ever snooped and found something

 

YES It sucked finding that type of stuff, but saved me A LOT of trouble in the end.

 

 

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them

 

No i don't think it's a normal thing to do if it's on a regular basis. I do think it screams out there is a lack of trust and communication in that relationship as well.

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I would only snoop if my gut was just killing me about something. But since my gut is pretty accurate, at this stage of the relationship it is already going down the tubes anyway because i would only be feeling that way if there were very real signs of bad things.

 

I don't think there really is a RIGHT time to snoop unless it is only for proof of something because you plan on leaving them anyway. If you don't plan on leaving them regardless all snooping does is help you to find things that might look more incriminating than they really are. I think most EVERY person might have an email or IM or something that if read by someone else it could look bad even if totally innocent. That is what snooping does, it causes you to find something - even if that something really is nothing. If you know what I mean.

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I strongly agree about snooping if you have a gut feeling because I did and I ended up finding out that my ex was trying to hook up with singles online.

 

But I don't think it should be a habit, if you are constantly paranoid in a relationship chances are the relationship isn't very good.

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I strongly agree about snooping if you have a gut feeling because I did and I ended up finding out that my ex was trying to hook up with singles online.

 

But I don't think it should be a habit, if you are constantly paranoid in a relationship chances are the relationship isn't very good.

 

Right. If this is a one time thing because something is really badly askew then you look but don't look unless you are going to actually DO SOMETHING about what you find. If you find out wrong doing and then stay anyway, you have done nothing but given yourself added worry and stress. When people snoop and find something distressing that is not really a dealbreaker like cheating, but still something that they should not have done, what normally happens is the snooper is left with this information and no way to share how they know it without admitting they snooped...and then they open themselves up to being left for invasion of privacy. For example maybe one email was some risque conversations with smoeone of opp sex. Technically this is not reason to leave someone but will leave the snooper with some real anxiety, and how can she/he ask about it without admitting the snoop? It creates a tangled web....

 

And yes, if it is habitual that you have to snoop due to gut feelings then this relationship is doomed. Either you are too insecure and don't need a relationship at this time or the person you are seeing is really up to no good a lot.

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad): It's a choice you make will take take the consequences as they come because of it. I think it's a good decision for someone who needs proof of cheating or anything like that just to prove to yourself you don't need them, though. (Been there, and I am glad I did!)

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any: If I had something to hide, I wouldn't want anyone snooping through my stuff. But If you are in a trusting relationship and not doing anything to hide, why leave that wonder?

Have u ever snooped and found something: Yes, and I finally got rid of that no-good cheating ****er. I wouldn't have unless I found him another way, and who knows how long that would've been...

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them: Depends. We don't "snoop", but we're open about everything. Like it's okay to look through my phone, both ways. And I think we have really good trust between eachother (now). But that's just us...

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What do u think about snooping in general(good, bad): i think it's bad. but when there are very obvious signs of suspicion...i don't think it's bad at all.

What snooping should be allowed, and shouldnt be allowed, if any: snooping should only be allowed if it concerns someone's safety, or if one partner is becoming very bad in the relationship, and the other partner suspects that there might be cheating or something else going on. snooping just because shouldn't be allowed. going through someone's phone for curiosity (if they allow it) is ok.

Have u ever snooped and found something i have never snooped on a partner. never gone into their e-mails or phones. [/b]

Do you think that couples who snoop is a normal thing, or means there is too much of a lack of trust between them: some couples need a lot of space and privacy between each other, some couples are more open. i think when it gets to active snooping, then there is a lack of trust.

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Just beacuse a person snooped doesn't mean that the perosn they are snooping on had smoething to hide or was being secretive. I do not hide things from my SO like email accounts and such, but there has never been a "need to know" circumstance to give him a password, and vice versa. But that does not mean that i am hiding anything and he could still "snoop" on me because i dont take any measures to hide stuff. It could all easily be retrieved from my inbox.

 

But just because it is easy to retrieve, does it make his snooping (if hypotheically my SO decided to go running thru my inbox) any less of an invasion of privacy?

 

I don't even open his mail if it has his name on it. Even if a letter were totally innocent, if i decide to steam the envelope open i still snooped. it doesn't mean he was hiding what was in that letter.

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And you hit the nail on the head because some people are more private than others, and have a need for some modicum of privacy, but that does not mean they are hiding things. Some people are an open book. They share everything. But some people who are like that might have something to hide and they just don't share that one thing. You can't really determine who is trustworthy or not based on their propensity for privacy. Some people have a real problem (in fact most) losing their identity in a relationship.

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My thoughts, exactly. You can always tell that one set of responses come from snoopers and the other set comes from snoopees. Both of which hold some sort of personal grudge. This is the accurate portrayal.

 

It's not good and it's not healthy, but sometimes (in serious circumstances alone) it is necessary. And you should only snoop if you plan on taking your findings to the person. Just snooping to drive yourself crazy or be passive aggressive is so wrong.

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