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After 4 years he left me for another girl


SweetiePie05
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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My boyfriend of 4 years and I have split. He found someone else that did things for him that I didn't so he's with her now. But his mom is dying of lung cancer and I don't know what to do. I was really close to his mom, but I can't see her because he will not let me in the house. She sleeps a lot thereforee I can't call. I was close to his family and they ask where I am all the time. He tells them "I don't know" so it seems as if I'm the bad person to them. Like I don't care about his mom.

 

He told him mom that I broke up with him.

 

We had an argument the days before we broke up, and I didn't call him for 4 days. The 4th day I called and called but he didn't answer. In those 4 days he had met the other girl and she was there when I was not. I know I am selfish for not calling him, and checking on him, but in the past we would argue and I'd ALWAYS be the first one to call him back. He didn't call me either. He said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore anyway, but he was in love with someone else.

 

So how do I be there for his mom now? Do I just leave her behind? I write her letters every now and then, but right now my boyfriend has filled her head with lies, of me breaking up with him, me not trying to be there for her. When in realitity I called him trying to be there for him, said i'd come to his house and help with his mom but he said he woudln't let me in if I came. And he didn't tell her he was seeing someone else either. So I look like the bad guy.

 

The sad thing is, he lost his father as well last year, and I was there that whole time, holding his hand at the funeral. I showed up at the hospital once to be with him and he yelled me to go back home. But yet he told me I wasn't there for him then either. It's so confusing.

 

And when he told me he was with that other girl, I started talking to another guy. He found out about it 2 days ago and was so mad at me, called me up yelling at me and everything. He said, "i still wanted to be with you, I loved you so much, but now you have someone else and I can never trust you again" And of course he told his mom I found someone else, again to make me look like the bad guy. I'm so confused, how could he tell that girl he loved her, but still want to work things out with me? What do I do for his mom? I was going to go to her house while he was at work today, but he is not going to work today. I still want to go but he said she sleeps alot and probably doesn't want company. But I told him I'm still going to come, because I have a letter to give her.

 

HELP!!!

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Wow...this is complicated. First of all, how could the both of you move on so quick? Are you telling me that you went out here and started seeing someone else because he was seeing someone? If that is the case, two wrongs do not make a right. On top of that...if you all could move onin 4-5 days then that says a lot about the relationship that you all had. Also...it is not fair to the people that you all are seeing because you all are dragging innocent bystandards in the middle of you all mess.

 

I am so sorry to hear about his mom. At this point...there is not much you could do, I am not sure if you are s spiritual person but whatever the case is...prayer is powerful and that alone is means more than arguing with him to see her. You can not control what people say about you and you can not control what people think. You, your ex, and God knows the truth so there is no point of trying to prove anything to him or anyone else because they are going to believe what they want. If this is truly it for you and your ex, I suggest you do right and let the guy that you are dealing wiht now go so you could focus on healing because you are going to end up hurting the other guy in the long run.

 

You ex has no right to play the victim...he is the one who broke things off so he has to deal with his poor decision making. He may love you like he said but people has to be mindful of the things that they say when they are angry because those may be the last words that the other person hear. I wish you the best of luck.

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Is there a time you know of that he is not around, and you can go to his mom? I would start with that. It is not necessary to throw all the "dirty laundry" on her regarding yours and his relationship. Just let her know it is over, through no fault of your own and you want to be there for her. Maybe she will then speak with her son and he will allow you to see her.

 

Also if there is a time you know he is not there, try to call (one time waking her up will not be torture) just so you can at least speak to her on the phone.

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Your ex is not thinking too clearly right now. He is in an enormous amount of pain. He is floundering and grasping at straws. This new woman is nothing, it is a way for him to deal with the pain of impending loss. Go to the home, give the letter and show your support. Also, you could draft a letter to your ex, tell him you are thinking of him and that if he needs you for anything (not sex) then you are happy to help out. Does he have family members helping him? Does he have siblings or is he facing this all alone. Who is caring for his mother? Lung cancer is pretty brutal. Remember that he lost his father and now he is losing his mother...and at such a young age. He is probably feeling panicked about no longer having his parents around. The whole thing is very very tragic so you have to understand that he is probably taking his pain out on you. The best you can do is show him that you care and that you are trying. He may not appreciate it now and may be cruel now...but one day when he has dealt with all the pain, he will recognize that you tried and that he was not himself during that time. Do not take this personally...recognize that this man is in a lot of pain and anguish.

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Thank you guys, so much it really means a lot to me. I want to show my support and be there for him more than anything in the world. I know he's going trough a lot and I was really hurt by him pushing me away and telling his family lies about me. I felt like I should just get out of his life. But thank you guys for giving me a push towards the light.

 

I'm not seeing another guy right now, I would talk to him about stuff that was going on with my boyfriend. He encouraged me to be there for my bf. But when my boyfriend found out he believed that it was a lot more than it really was. Me and the guy did flirt a lot, but he was just trying to make me smile I guess. Me and the guy both know I don't want anyone else but my boyfriend. But my boyfriend thinks otherwise.

 

He has a twin brother, but his brother is rarely at home. He spends a lot of time with his girlfriend. So my ex is doing most of the work helping with his mom. My ex's new girl, comes over and helps him too so he says, she is a RN. But when I would call to try to help, he wouldn't let me. His family is over a lot as well as nurses from the hospice, to help him.

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She is an RN! She can help. This is not about love...this is about your boyfriend being in over his head and he found this nurse to help him out. Even if things develop between them, it is an issue of feeling gratitude rather than any kind of healthy love. There is nothing you can do. She is an RN and has the capacity to help him deal with this very bad situation. He is floundering. I know it hurts you so badly but there is not much you can do. He is very young to be dealing with this...even people my age have a tough time dealing with the death of parents. The timing is really bad for you two...he is finding comfort in a woman who has the professional training to help him deal with caring for a dying parent. It is misplaced love based on gratitude. This is not about you..this is about him simply trying to keep his head above water.

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Yeah I know she can help, I just wasn't expecting him to love someone, call her beautiful, and say "love you baby!" to someone that wasn't me so soon. She bought him a shirt and stuff too. I know he's going through a lot and I want to be there for him, but he won't let me, and it hurts so much. So I'm just at a lost, but I guess it's not really about how I feel. I'm going to go over there today and give his mom my letter, if she's sleep I will just give it to him. Hopefully he will come outside.

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So I went over there and we talked for a long time. Just put everything out on the table, there was a lot of arguing, but he is really upset that I talked to that guy. He read text messages from my old phone to the guy and it really hurt him. I didn't want to be with the guy, my ex had a new girl now so I was just stupid and talked to the guy, the guy didn't want to be with me he just didn't want me to be depressed over my ex.

 

I feel really dumb for kinda messing things up with my ex. But in the end he said we may be able to work things out in the future. I don't know, I asked him to call me if he ever needed to talk to someone and he said he would. I know he has the new girl now, but I told him everything I felt and I feel like we are meant to be together so if we are things will work out. I told him I loved him and wanted to be there for him and be with him. He was still pretty upset but he said he loved me too as I was walking to my car. Don't know what's in store for the future, but I really want to spend my life with him.

 

But for right now, I plan to focus on school and work and just better myself. Its time for me to grow up and be an adult now. Hopefully once I get on my feet, we can work things out again. We had a little conversation just a few mins ago, and we didn't fight or anything just talked and had a laugh. I know he's still hurting and so am I but I want to be there for him and I need to forget about myself for a min and make him happy.

 

let me know what you think.

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It is very unfair of him to get bent out of shape over you talking to a guy when he already has a new girlfriend. I think you should forget about him for now...he wants you to be pining for him while he has a new girlfriend. No way. I understand he is going through a rough time...but that doesn't mean you have to be his doormat..and it doesn't mean you can't talk to other guys and even date other guys. He is with a new woman and has made no apology for that..and is planning on staying with her. You don't owe him anything except for simple human kindness you would show to anybody whose parent was dying.

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^^^ I know what your saying but I really hope that he does not plan to stay with her. Just use her for himself right now since she can help. He told me that "when someone is caring for your dying parent its easy to fall for them" So I hope that when things subside a little for him, he will realize some things. Right now he's all on focusing on the bad stuff about the relationship, and when things clear up for him he will see the positive. I'm hoping that is, but who knows. I really don't want to loose him, we were suppose to get married and stuff so it's really hard to let it go. I don't know sometimes.

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