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Never thought I'd be "that girl."

KATE explanation of the end of the ...
KATE explanation of the end of the movie KATE released in 2021 and available on Netflix

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You know the one. In the movies she's portrayed as the helpless female who keeps clinging to this one guy, despite the fact that he treats her like crap and does everything in the book that screams "I'm an a-hole."


Of course the audience is always saying, "Dump him girl!" or "Be done with him girl!" and you always think if you were her you'd've seen it coming awhile away.


And to top it all off there's always the good guy who treats her like a queen but she keeps going back to that other guy.


Well, I'm that girl.


At this point my ex has done something that makes me feel ashamed to even still want to be his friend. But I'm afraid. I'm very afraid to stop talking to him.


I don't have many friends in general. I don't know if that's the reason to be honest. But I don't really have a web of support to help me through the pain of NC. I have two people at most, and only one of them is a close friend, and I'm not going to burden one person with all my troubles.


So I'm scared.


What I want to do is get my life together first; make new friends and get to a point where I'm generally happy, then stop being friends with my ex. I know it'll be hard but it'll be considerably less so.


I feel disgusted with myself for even trying to be friendly with him. I can go fine without talking to him, but what happens is I get so anxious that I talk to him just to make the anxiety of talking to him again go away.


But I'm just deathly afraid of how I'll feel if I finally go NC for good.

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i was like that with my first real bf. he started out as a reaaaaal gentleman. a great guy... then he changed over the years and i found that i have too... to this creature i completely despise... you just have to stop yourself. it's good that you at least recognize it. i didn't until much muuuuuuuch later... when i did, i picked up my bags and ran lol. luckily, my next bf treated me like gold and made me realize how much i really deserve.


i understand the shame too... it's like reading my own post, sigh. i'll tell you this... you'll feel amazing after you go on NC for good. trust me. he's like an addiction that you just have to break. hit the gym and really work out, i find the endorphine rush is really amazing and works to keep my anxiety away.

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