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Just Broke up


Kurt75

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I write this trying to fight back the tears. I have just broken up with my girlfriend not 30mins ago. i didnt know where else to go except the wonderful website of enotalone

 

so we were together three and a half months. the first 3 months were heaven. i loved her and still do so much. the last two or so weeks were not so. she seemed unhappy. the reason she broke it off is she says she is too busy. she studys and works a lot. i was very understanding about the whole situation. i offrered to work around it and she wasnt having any of it. i tried everything to try and persuade her otherwise. she says that its nothing i have done wrong but she has to do it for herself. i just dont get it though because most couples can work around lack of time together.

 

i guess what im trying to say is what is your guys advise on what to do now? how is best to deal with the pain and such?

any help is most welcome!

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welcome to enotalone. sorry about the breakup. for right now, i wouldn't contact her, just focus on healing. spend time with your friends, work on your hobbies and interests, go see some movies, go to the gym, etc.... just get your mind off of her. i think with time, you'll see that it was for the best. you deserve someone who will make time for you. hang in there, ok?

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Thanks for the reply. I think what you say might be best. Maybe i deserve someone who will make time for me. It will be hard though. Its impossible to think of little else currently. Anything in particular you would recommend doing? Like right now for instance?!

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The best way to deal with the pain is to feel it and accept it. Don't try and push it aside. As the dumpee, you've just been nailed with a Chuck Liddell haymaker and you're KTFO. She's had the time to think about this and disconnect herself from you.

 

Feel your pain. Accept your pain. If you want to be mad, be mad. Let it out, but be smart and constructive. If you want to cry, have a good hard one. You'll feel so drained and peaceful when you're done. Try to stay busy. Realize that this is not the end of the world and you will bounce back. You've got some rough times ahead, but it won't last forever. Talk on here, talk to friends. Just do not talk to your ex right now. You are not ready for that. A period of no-contact is what you need right now.

 

I like you, was the dumpee in a short relationship. It's about a month and a half since the split and I am doing MUCH better. I've been no contact for a little over a month. Even though it was only 5 months, I fell for her and I took it pretty hard, but I am healing. Today is the first day of healing and moving on for you. There's always the chance for reconciliation, but don't plan your life around it.

 

Time for you to be selfish. It's all about YOU now. It's no longer about you and her. There is no more you and her. I told myself that many many times. In the end, the only person that can help or take care of you is YOU.

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Hi Kurt, you made a very healthy choice by posting here. It is a wonderful resource full of caring people, many in the same boat. I am sorry about your breakup. There are few experiences in life more painful. Annie's right...try to get busy in your interests to take your mind off the event. But I would add--allow yourself to have a good cry. Get the emotional energy out of your body. Cry, and then take a hot shower and have a nice meal. Keep posting on enotalone. I can tell you (as a veteran of breakups myself!) that after some time, you really will begin feeling better. I know that is hard to believe, I never believed it myself, but it is true. When you are in the middle of this pain, it is hard to believe in much else but the pain you feel. But it does subside, and it eventually goes away. I also agree with Annie that you must make every effort to NOT contact the ex. If it helps, comfort yourself with statements such as "everything happens for a reason", and "when one door closes, another one opens". They do help, and they are true. I know you will feel better soon.

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Right now, call a good friend or a sibling, someone you can just break down in front of/on the phone with.

 

I NEED that initial hours-long sob, right after I've broken up. There's nothing like a comforting, accepting presense to make you feel even just a bit better.

 

After that, well... just try and get on with things. Like the others said, think about you and your life. Think about the things you need to do today, this week, next week. Think about stuff you need to organize, or whatever. Go out and get some exercise. Listen to music with the volume cranked. Cry if you have to. Don't call or email her. Visit and talk with as many friends/family as you can, even if you only talk about her or about everything BUT her. The human contact is big.

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Sorry that your hurting Kurt. I would like to add that, usually, when a person says that they are "just too busy" or that "work is too crazy" then it's an excuse almost 100% of the time. People are never "too busy" for people that they adore. They make and find time. "Too busy" is just a euphemism for "Too busy for you." No doubt, she will be "not really that busy at all" for some new person that she's dying to spend time with and get to know.

 

I'm not trying to rub salt in your wounds, but rather to dispense with the potential needless longings for reconciliation based on her "busy" schedule. She's being polite. All that said, there's a fair to sure chance that she'll be "just too busy" for a string of men that may or may not enter her life in the near future. Finding a lasting partner can be such a journey.

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Wow thats really good advise. Thanks. I feel for you. I can relate you how you described your break up so much. I fell for her big time. I dont know why i just thought she was perfect really. I have changed my status on msn and facebook stating "i will be in hiding". i agree that no contact is probably best even though she hopes we can remain friends. i like the idea abot being selfish but it will be hard to adjust. i was set on making her happy i forgot about myself.

thanks for the reply so far guys. helped me already.

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Kurt, probably the best feature about enotalone is the willingness of others to support and to share. This helps people in pain get some objectivity, which is practically impossible to do if you lonely and alone....but when you come here, you're NOT ALONE, hence the name, lol! Keep on posting, and know that we all care. You are a special man and so take good care of yourself on all levels, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Hang in there.

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Sorry that your hurting Kurt. I would like to add that, usually, when a person says that they are "just too busy" or that "work is too crazy" then it's an excuse almost 100% of the time. People are never "too busy" for people that they adore. They make and find time. "Too busy" is just a euphemism for "Too busy for you." No doubt, she will be "not really that busy at all" for some new person that she's dying to spend time with and get to know.

 

i really think thats true. i honestly cant think how you are too busy not to see someone for a relationship to work no matter how busy you are.

again thanks for the reply guys. i might be on this site a lot more nowadays!

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Wow thats really good advise. Thanks. I feel for you. I can relate you how you described your break up so much. I fell for her big time. I dont know why i just thought she was perfect really. I have changed my status on msn and facebook stating "i will be in hiding". i agree that no contact is probably best even though she hopes we can remain friends. i like the idea abot being selfish but it will be hard to adjust. i was set on making her happy i forgot about myself.

thanks for the reply so far guys. helped me already.

 

Never ever put someone else's needs before your own. I did that for 5 months. I was my ex's "yes man". I was always worried about keeping her happy. It was a chore many of times. I never vented my frustrations to her. Just sucked it up and let myself be her plaything that she picked up and set down at will.

 

"Too busy for a relationship" means I'm too busy for YOU. It's the dumper's way of not feeling bad. I was dumped because she "wanted to be single for once and date around." She had a new boyfriend in 3 weeks. She just didn't want to be with ME. Sucks, but that's life and it's been pretty calm and drama free since she left me. Take some positives from this.

 

How can you make someone else happy if you're not taking care of yourself?

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Okay from this point on i promise to be the most selfish man ever! well maybe not ever....

okay i promise to me, you and everyone to think about helping myself and worrying about no.1

of course its almost 1am and i cant really talk to anyone...

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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