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thoughts of moving...but dont want to leave boyfriend.


emma34

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i've been mulling over some thoughts in my head about this, and im just looking for some feedback. i haven't decided anything yet.

 

my bf and i have been together for about a year. we moved in together right away. about a month ago we broke up for a bit (the only time) and he moved out. we are back together, but not living together, which is fine for now.

anyway, the last month or so i've been CONSIDERING the idea of moving (we live in ontario). my sister lives in victoria, bc, and i've always wanted to live there (4 hr plane ridre). my bf can't really come with because he can't (wouldn't want to) transfer his school...also he is really attached to his friends and family here, i doubt he could leave (we've sort of talked about it in the past).

i don't think he would want a LDR, and I'm imagining he would feel betrayed by my decision to leave

thing is here, he is grown up in this city his whole life and loves it.

i'm from a rural community, and i've had poor luck acquiring a solid social

network here, and am dieing to find something new.

 

i've been having so much fun researching the classes i would take, and the places i would work when i move, but then i think...well, i have this boyfriend here whom i love very much. what do i do about this...

 

i don't have any close friends here, and my family is all over the place...but obviously he is very important to me. but if i stay here just for him, i'm afraid i will regret it.

 

i don't know how long i'd be gone for. ive been thinking about maybe just going for a term and asking him to wait...but i dont know

 

i realize this is really rambled, any thoughts?

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I don't think there is anything simple about going from a relationship to a LDR. It lead to an eventual breakup with someone I had a very strong relationship with. If you move what is the point of maintaining the relationship? He is obviously very well established and settled so I don't see any reasons why he would want to move. At the same time I can totally see why you are torn here.

 

That said, I'll never do a LDR again. I had done them in the past and I just think they lead to a very falsified relationship in the sense that many things both positive and negative aren't magnified enough to get a strong sense of that other person. Even though we talked everyday...the relationship slowly died over the course of a year until we were so uninvolved with eachothers lives that we had to cut it off.

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I don't think there is anything simple about going from a relationship to a LDR. It lead to an eventual breakup with someone I had a very strong relationship with. If you move what is the point of maintaining the relationship?

 

Um... that is a little negative to say.

 

If they both want it to work then it WILL work. I am in this situation (I moved for a job offer, he stayed to finish school) and I am not having any major problems with it. Then again we both want things to work out and we're being very patient... but if your boyfriend is not ok with it as you stated, you can't really force him to stay with you if you want to move. All I can say is pick your priorities since you can't always have both worlds.

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I think this is something you need to do for yourself.

 

Will you be happy remaining here and not doing this? Probably not.

 

Is this something you seriously want to do, and are willing to give up your relationship for? Really think about it.

 

But at this point, you are young. This is something you can do because you have very little attachments, aside from him. You can pick up and just go, and if this is something you want to do, to experiece, I really don't think a relationship should hold you back from living, gaining life experiences, and pursuing something you want to do. If he's not willing to budge, move, or consider an LDR, hope he realizes the consequences of these actions.

 

If I were you, being only a year into a relationship, still young, I'd do it. You'd hate to be 5 years into a relationship, settled in and suddenly panic and feel unstatisfied because you didn't get to experience things you wanted to.

 

Truthfully, even though they aren't easy, why automatically assume a breakup? Why not just play it by ear, go for a year [8 months of school..] and come back for part of the summer, see how you make out. Just start off small, if the two of you want to still be together, do a LDR.

 

I think these are important things that you need to pursue as an individual. If this is what you are feeling, and I don't think thats ever going to go away, and I am a firm believer that a relationship shouldn't stop you from pursuing dreams and goals, and getting more out of life, becayse it will create resentement and unsatisfaction in the long term.

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