Jump to content

Should I confront my son on his radical views?


FrankPhilly

Recommended Posts

Thanks for everyone who helped out in my previous thread. I do plan on following the advice, even though I will be a bit reluctant.

 

Anyways, the other day I heard my son talking to a younger kid over the phone. Apparently he was in my son's parish before he moved to Philly. I don't think this kid could have been more than 17. Anyways, he started telling him that it's incumbent on good Catholics to be against the US now that they elected an "atheist" president. He made the kid recite a prayer that he supposedly wrote about "hastening the return of the Messiah". He told the kid that "the Jews" are the enemies of the Church because they killed Jesus, and the anti-Christ will be Jewish. He accuses Jews of being behind the Protestant church, too.

 

Now I am a Catholic too, and although I may sometimes miss church, I still try my best in everyday life to do the right thing when I have to do it. I NEVER taught him these things. I personally have friends of all walks of life, even Jewish family members -- My niece's new husband is Jewish.

 

I personally find it morally repugnant that he is using the fact that the younger kid respects him to push a certain message. Jesus certainly didn't teach his followers to hate other people. Do I confront him, or would it be better to bring it up to a clergyman and have him discuss it with my son?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's your son, why are you posting about this? Grab him by the ear, fop him in the mouth, what have you. Tell him that he's being a bad example for the Catholics who have enough persecution/problems in this country as is without giving anti-Catholics more fuel for their fire with examples from kids like this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Telling him how to live his life isn't going to change his views... sorry, but even as a parent you would only be furthering his own viewpoints on the Catholics by giving him the ability to tell others what to think.

 

You can confront him, but I highly doubt you will be able to convince him... what he believes, he must learn on his own once he has grown so old. You may be able to only tell him what you believe and what it's done for you, but don't force him to think that way or it will be in vain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After reading your previous post I think it would be best to try to get someone else (preferably from the church) to speak with him about this. You have enough petty control issues in your relationship that bringing this up may be seen as 'just another thing dad doesn't like' along with staying up too late & going out on the weekends.

 

I can't imagine hearing a loved one say things like that, especially guiding other people. It must be sad and scary to see something so ugly in someone you love. My prayers are with both of you, it's sad to hear of people talking like this, it makes me feel like the devil has somehow tricked their hearts to where they can't even see the beauty of Jesus' message.

 

I find it interesting that your son is aiming to become a doctor and has tyrannical tendencies. I wonder if it's the desire to control and be in charge that is pushing him to become a doctor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Telling him how to live his life isn't going to change his views... sorry, but even as a parent you would only be furthering his own viewpoints on the Catholics by giving him the ability to tell others what to think.

 

You can confront him, but I highly doubt you will be able to convince him... what he believes, he must learn on his own once he has grown so old. You may be able to only tell him what you believe and what it's done for you, but don't force him to think that way or it will be in vain.

 

He is 25 years old -- I personally think he should know better. I think he is old enough to know that he is inciting hatred and fear to further HIS OWN, not God's goals. Either that, or he is just being overly zealous. He is very pro-Catholic and defends them all the time. He is more religious in everyday life than I am. He considered joining the Church when he was in high school, but my wife and I wouldn't let him, and he thinks that he is "just telling the truth".

 

My dilemma is that if I tell him he will argue to no end about why he is right, and even throw the Bible in my face, figuratively speaking. On the other hand, I feel like getting a priest involved might make him even angrier at me. I can understand that he may be a "proud Catholic" but...this is the reason why people are getting killed in Belfast. His grandfather was in the American Army in the second world war and fought against the Germans. It's a huge insult to his family for him to be adopting the rhetoric which is so close to that of the Nazis.

 

I wonder if it's the desire to control and be in charge that is pushing him to become a doctor.

I can't say for sure. He says that he just wants to make enough money to support himself when he gets older.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He is 25 years old -- I personally think he should know better. I think he is old enough to know that he is inciting hatred and fear to further HIS OWN, not God's goals. Either that, or he is just being overly zealous. He is very pro-Catholic and defends them all the time. He is more religious in everyday life than I am. He considered joining the Church when he was in high school, but my wife and I wouldn't let him, and he thinks that he is "just telling the truth".

 

My dilemma is that if I tell him he will argue to no end about why he is right, and even throw the Bible in my face, figuratively speaking. On the other hand, I feel like getting a priest involved might make him even angrier at me.

 

 

Where is he picking up this rubbish info from?? He isn't even educated in his own faith....If he is Pro-Catholic, then maybe have a trusted Catholic Priest speak with him?

 

He is very ill-informed......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can always tell him you do not care to hear his views and do not express them in YOUR house. At 25 he should have his own house.

It is technically HIS apartment...I am a cosigner and am living there to supervise his daily activities.

 

However, I reminded him previously that I am paying the bill for his medical school and as long as I am still paying for him, I expect him to fall into line.

 

Where is he picking up this rubbish info from??

Not to make light of this rather disappointing situation...but I wouldn't be surprised if he was pounding back a few with Mel Gibson.

After some internet searching, I found something that would shed light on this: link removed //

However, he has never come out and said openly that he is a "Traditionalist Catholic"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Correct...as I said, you may be able to tell him he needs to find his own place if he wishes to speak of and believe those things, but you're not going to help the situation. I had a feeling he was much older when you said the kid he was talking to was 17 and younger...

 

I'm 22, I fought my parents on these types of things for years... you're not going to be able to convince him, as you said he would fight and throw the Bible back at you, or for that matter just defend his points to the death no matter how stubborn they seem. You can confront, but don't be judgemental on his part about it...if he wishes to speak with a wiser person of the church he may, but don't force him... let his own views turn him around, fighting him will not help neither his relationship with Christ or you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyways, the other day I heard my son talking to a younger kid over the phone. Apparently he was in my son's parish before he moved to Philly. I don't think this kid could have been more than 17. Anyways, he started telling him that it's incumbent on good Catholics to be against the US now that they elected an "atheist" president. He made the kid recite a prayer that he supposedly wrote about "hastening the return of the Messiah". He told the kid that "the Jews" are the enemies of the Church because they killed Jesus, and the anti-Christ will be Jewish. He accuses Jews of being behind the Protestant church, too.

 

Yikes, this is nasty nasty stuff. I'm at a bit of a loss here about what to do -because challenging him WILL make him stick to these vile beliefs, in that way that kids do.

 

But not challenging him would make him think that it is acceptable, and it's absolutely 100% not in any way acceptable to be anti-semitic and preach hatred like that.

 

Has he got involved in a nastier group lately? This kind of sounds like white supremicist stuff to me. I would try making it clear how stupid he sounds, ignorant and easily-led, and kind of pity him (rather than confront him). Maybe ask him about his views without shouting at him, and point out the stupidity of them, but in a way in which he's talking to you about it. The ideal way to deal with them is to defeat them intellectually, not give in to knee-jerk reaction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is technically HIS apartment...I am a cosigner and am living there to supervise his daily activities.

 

However, I reminded him previously that I am paying the bill for his medical school and as long as I am still paying for him, I expect him to fall into line.

 

Just b/c you pay for things doesn't mean he isn't free to have his own beliefs. I don't agree wtih what he said to that kid either but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be entitled to them. Be careful with thinking that just b/c you are paying for stuff means you are king of everything, including what goes on in his mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just b/c you pay for things doesn't mean he isn't free to have his own beliefs. I don't agree wtih what he said to that kid either but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be entitled to them. Be careful with thinking that just b/c you are paying for stuff means you are king of everything, including what goes on in his mind.

 

What? there are some views people shouldn't be entitled to. What if you encountered a teenage Hitler of our times? You're just going to say that he has the right to believe what he wants? Opinions lead to action. Thats the silliest thing I ever heard. The kid's views are freakish.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What? there are some views people shouldn't be entitled to. What if you encountered a teenage Hitler of our times? You're just going to say that he has the right to believe what he wants? Opinions lead to action. Thats the silliest thing I ever heard. The kid's views are freakish.

 

I never said he was right, did I? I just mean people have opinions and as much as we want to change them, we often can't. Yea, his views are extremely radical and crazy and creepy, and I certainly don't agree with them, but my point of the post you quoted was that his father used the "I'm paying for things so he shoudl fall into line" excuse, and that doesn't entitle his father to controlling this kid's thoughts.

 

Opinions don't always lead to action. There are certain people I have an opinion over but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and shoot them all or something...that's a little extreme.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They are his own beliefa & he is his own person. Its best to just turn your head & don't discuss his religious beliefs with him. It will only lead to anger & resentment.

 

Agreed. Religion is the hardest thing to talk about, even among family members. Although I am not an extremist in any way, my father (who is atheist) still has an issue with my religious beliefs. I avoid talking to him about religion if at all possible, because I know he may never accept them.

 

Frank, perhaps you should introduce your son to some clergy, or even encourage him to take some theology classes in his spare time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he's 25, then are his views any of your business really? As an adult, isn't he free to dictate his own life, and in this case how he chooses to think?

 

Granted, his beliefs are beyond what most in society believe. but so what? one of my friends is an anarcho-capitalist, and "most people" don't believe in that. IMO there is no inherent wrong in believing in something that is "fringe" or minority in nature. Everybody is different, thinks differently and perceives the world differently. What we consider mainstream or normal today was once fringe and minority in nature. Would US societal attitiudes pertaining to women's role in society be the same in 1850 as it is today? Wouldn't equal rights for women have been a fringe belief back then?

 

I think as long as he (or anybody else) does not hurt others based on their beliefs, then they have the right to believe what they want.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you can change his beliefs. I don't find his beliefs radical, either.

 

Nevertheless, I say that gratitude is the best antidote to hatred. Friendship and love are the next best antidotes after gratitude. The more you get him to interact with Jewish people, the more his anti-semitism will trouble his conscience. Eventually, he'll change his beliefs automatically.

 

I used to know this Singaporean girl. Her mom was Chinese; her dad, Indian. In the old days (and even now), racial tension is high throughout Southeast Asia. Her father's sister hated her mom. One time, she even spat on her. The mom never returned a word. Later on, her aunt (the father's sister) became sick and could not afford treatment. The mom borrowed some of her parents' money, placed it in an unmarked envelope, and then slipped it under the aunt's door. When the aunt found out who gave her the money, she was sorry for her past mistreatment of the mom. She thanked her. However, she never apologised.

 

Emotions lead to convictions. Reason provides a convenient disguise - nothing more. You can change a person's deep-rooted beliefs only by changing the way he feels about certain things. Idealist people respond well to feelings of gratitude and friendship. You should tell him that a Jewish acquaintance is impressed by his interest in botany (let's say) and wants to give him a gift. Then, get him to interact more with Jewish people - don't be too obvious about it - let them make friends first, and then tell him that they're Jewish only much later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What? there are some views people shouldn't be entitled to. What if you encountered a teenage Hitler of our times? You're just going to say that he has the right to believe what he wants? Opinions lead to action. Thats the silliest thing I ever heard. The kid's views are freakish.

 

Anybody can believe anything. who is to say what he can or cannot think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Anyways, the other day I heard my son talking to a younger kid over the phone. Apparently he was in my son's parish before he moved to Philly. I don't think this kid could have been more than 17. ....... He made the kid recite a prayer that he supposedly wrote about "hastening the return of the Messiah"

 

I'd be more concerned by the fact that some kid is being bullied by your son. He sounds like he has a narcissistic personality disorder.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...