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my mind and my heart are saying two different things..


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alrite.. let's see.. we broke up after going out for 4.5 years and after he broke up with me this time, we talked after two weeks or so and he mentioned having second thoughts to getting back but i told him that i'm really tired of him breaking up with me everytime it's inconvient to him and that he basically doesn't even put me as his first priority.. also i'm really scare to be back with him again for fear that this will once again happen later on in the future.


during this time, i've done a lot of thinking, i've realized that it wasn't all his fault, that i too was guilty of letting him have too much control and spoiling him rotten (laundry, house cleaning, buying things for him, you name it, i probably did it)... and I also had him on a really tight leash... he's the only person i go out with (along with his friends) and baiscally when he's here, we're together 24/7.... so upon reflection, i have learned my mistakes...


I've tried to apply the no contact.. i guess it sorta worked and sorta didn't. but i've definitely went over that big bump and stopped moping over him thinking about all the "ifs" and "buts" and wishing everynight that things will work out with us and that he would finally realize that our love is deep enough for him to realize the changes that needs to be made...i don't konw.. i think i've made an effort to try and move on.. but the getting over him part? that's still a little iffy.


so lo and behold, i'm finally on my third week of "high" (not having to mope or cry or think about him constantly) he calls me just to see what i am doing... we talked for a bit... i followed the no contact rules and talked for about 10 minutes and hung up... only to crawl back to him later that night and message him online to have him barely talk to me... *sulk*


so then the day after that, he messages me online again. we talked causually for a bit then after that he goes and talks to me about how he misses and thought that he was over me but he wasn't... and asked me if i had met new people/dating anyone...i dunno.. i get the idea that he's missing me and might want me back.


now i don't konw what i want.. why can't they just leave and never ever ever come back? although it's taking a long time, i was really moving on with my life and slowly but surely i will stop having the feelings i had for him.. but now that he says that he's missing me and giving me the idea that he might want me back.. he's basically pushed me back to square one.


All my friends tell me that they are positive that i will find someone out there who's 100 times better than he is... I don't know, maybe i'm just protecting him or maybe it's me realizing that i had my faults...He really does love me but then things between us got boring and all of a sudden i just fell to the bottom of the deck.. i was always around him so he doesn't need to miss me and stuff.. and i was always so determined to try and change some things about him when i should have realized that to love someone, you accept their faults also. I always complain about his faults to my friends and how he doesn't pay attention to me and everything... so they see the bad side of him.. but then asides from all that, we were always happy and very much in love...


all those conflicting emotions just from one freaking online conversation.. shesh....


so now i don't konw what i am to do..i mean. i konw we have underlying fundamental problems in our relationship.. mostly being that of communication...he has a problem, he doesn't tell me.. i have a problem, i shove it in the back of my head till i can no longer hold it in..


What should i do now?? before, when i thought that he broke up with me and all, that i should learn from all the lessons i've realized here and then just try and move on... but what do i do now that it seems like he wants to come back???


my mind and my heart are saying two different things...

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Heya Boat Buddy!


It has been a while since I've heard from you (and vice versa). I know this journey is completely exhausting and often very painful but I told you that we WILL get to shore!!


I think what everyone says about the "no contact" rule should be applied strictly. No bits of contact here and there!! *wags finger* And why not? Well, look how miserable you've become from the bits of contact.


You guys were in an intense relationship that lasted for 4.5yrs and knowing you babe, you do analyse things. And overanalysing can only be hurtful to you. It seems to me that he doesn't quite know what he wants at the moment. And by maintaining contact with you, NEITHER of you will know what you want. What he's doing and saying is affecting you adversely, it's confusing the BOTH of you.


Give me your hand hon and let me help you breathe. Let everyone here help you find peace. Let him go, give him his space. In doing so, you will let go of all your anxieties. If you love him, believe that you're doing "no contact" for the both of you. True love - if it's meant to be; your hearts will find each other again.



Soul Seeker


(PM any time!)

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I agree.

No contact is the only way to let yourself heal. As long as there is contact, you will always wonder if there is a possibility of getting back together and as long as you are doing that, you cannot move on. I'm in the process of dealing with this as well and am trying SO hard to stop hoping we will get back - it's very hard.


Set some rules up for yourself and write them down. Some that I've set up for myself are,


No calling him - NO MATTER WHAT. Find a friend who you can be honest about what you are going through and ask them if they can be there for you. When you get the urge to call him - call your friend instead.


No emailing him - NO MATTER WHAT. Delete his email address from your address book and delete all emails permanently. Put a block on your email to delete his when they come in.


I used to share all my highs and lows with this person - no more. Talk with others instead. No it's not the same as sharing with someone who meant so much to you, but it's better than not sharing at all. Its important to get in the habit of not sharing with him.


I have caller ID on the phone and don't answer it when its him.


I know what you are going through and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It's a matter of hanging on till the tornado passes. It's hard I know but be sure that it WILL eventually pass.



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I agree.



Well the only thing is that I have children with my Ex, son when he calls I have to pick up so that makes it even harder for me. Iv'e tried the no calling him for 2 weeks,I know I'm bad too because I try to think of things just to call. I mean come on whats the probelm with wanting to share your highs and lows with the father of your children. And he's unhappy with his new wife anyway the only reason I believe their even together is because she had a baby, I know he still wants me and every opportunity that wifey leaves open I'm going to take. AM I WRONG? I WAS WITH THIS MAN FOR 10 YEARS I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN ANYONE! I CAN'T LET GO

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  • 2 weeks later...

And he's unhappy with his new wife anyway the only reason I believe their even together is because she had a baby, I know he still wants me and every opportunity that wifey leaves open I'm going to take. AM I WRONG? I WAS WITH THIS MAN FOR 10 YEARS I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN ANYONE! I CAN'T LET GO



Do you really want this man? If he would leave his current wife, has he really become a better man?


And, because you know him better than anyone, you have to ask yourself: do you REALLY want this man back? Is he worth your time? Or, is there another man out there who's better for you?


Remember: there are approximately 6 billion people on this planet. Approximately half of them are men (maybe even a little over a half). The probability of you meeting another is almost certain.


The secret to attracting new men: have confidence in yourself. BE the person you would like to fall in love with. Try new things and learn new skills. Experience new sights, sounds, scents, and textures -- really enjoy them with your senses and embrace your sensuality -- members of the opposite sex always have a way of sensing it when you embrace sensuality. Don't be afraid to speak to new people and, above all, banish that thought from your head that you will never meet anyone, regardless of how long it's been. Know, with certainty and conviction, that you WILL meet someone. Think of the possibility I will never meet anyone else as impossible and your body will respond by being more beautiful because it projects a new image of itself with your growing confidence. You have to get your mind in the mode to meet new men and your body will respond by making you more attractive. You will walk differently, you will behave differently, and your eyes will look at each passing person differently because your body only responds to what your mind KNOWS.


Forget about this guy leaving his wife. If he left his wife for you, then he's a jerk and he'll likely do that to you. If he doesn't leave his wife for you, then you're wasting your time. Either way, it's a lose-lose situation. Move on and you will be happier. I promise. I've been there.

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