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To all the heartbroken people out there...


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I was with my gf for almost 4 years and we've been broken up for almost 1 whole year now. The time since the break-up has been the worst time of my life. So many emails, text messages, long talks etc that just made things harder and almost every time ended in tears. We have agreed on keeping NC so many times but sooner or later she would call me or vice versa.

We had this huge argument three weeks ago and she told me that she was not going to contact me anymore, and did not want me to contact her either. So for the first time I thought to myself that I would try it and see how it felt.

It's been three weeks now and I feel great! She is not in my head all of the time, and it feels fantastic! I was so afraid of letting go but now that i've allowed myself to, it feels better than it has done in so many months.

She sent me an email yesterday, asking me how i was, what's going on in my life and bla bla bla stuff. I'm not going to answer it. We are done. She can't come running back anymore.

So my tip to all you heartbroken people outhere...go for the NC!

It may seem hard in the beginning, but it's so worth it after a while. Think of yourself, not of him or her. I seriously thought that i would never get over her, so i know exacly how some of you feel and think. But it works, and it doesn't need to go a whole year for you guys as it has for me.

I wish all of you the best of luck,

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My Ex and I broke up almost 8 months ago for the first month I was very angry and bitter wrote quite a few emails to her in this mind set, there was alot of resentment over the treatment I precived during the relationship, I spent the next 6 months trying to make up for everything.

 

Poems and gifts requests for dinners and time together, it was very frustrating to me as she would say things like I want to work it out and make me think in her words that she did but everything in my gut told me they were just words and her actual actions did not say that.

 

so I would start to get myself to a point that I felt I could start to heal and she would call or write me and say she missed me or missed our friendship missed us etc, I would see it as an opportunity and the feelings would rush back in only to be blown off and leaving me feeling frustrated again.

 

This Cycle played out over and over even to the point that she was seeing other men and telling me we were still monogamous.

 

I finally could not take it any longer and went to see a councilor, after a few sessions he told me that shes not alowing me to heal and everytime I get to that point she calls and tears open my wounds again starting the cycle over again. he said what was needed was "More Separation" he advised me to go for no contact at all for two months. This was difficult as we have a child together, but I decided to put a journal in the diaper bag and communicate soley through that it didnt go work out perfect all the time and I slipped a couple times answered her phone calls etc ad I paid attention to how I felt after her calls I was drained and sad nostalgic and angry

 

hearing the classic " just because Im not in love with you" line

 

When I finally cut all contact it bothered her she states on her phone messages that we need to communicate as we have a child she even went so far as to remove the journal from the diaper bag and keep it so I could not write in it about our son.

 

What had happened is she lost her control over me she was unable to tell me what to do and how to feel, I was not there waiting for her call and pining away for her while she went on with her life, she didnt want me in her life but she wanted to make sure I would still be there if she failed and needed me.

 

everything she would call she was down in the dumps and needed reassuring words from me Id give them and she would leave the conversation feeling better Id feel hopeful and shed continue on with her life and I was stuck in false hope and nostalgia.

 

 

I think that in some cases its better to cut all contact and go on the assumption were not friends nor will we be friends, in my case there was a lot of emotional abuse associated with the relationship from her side. there was also a lot of loving actions and romance as well so it was a 50/50 split but hide sight I was the only one willing to work on things I wanted it more than she did. she was not able to love herself. her heart was broken before our relationship and because of that she broke mine and I aloud it

 

her calls have all but stopped except the odd angry one which I do not answer and Im starting to sift through my emotions and get to a place where I can emotionally heal myself.

 

when a woman leaves the relationship she takes on a more masculine way of coping and a man generally goes more to the feminine, the woman move forward quickly ( monkey syndrome they hold onto one vine until they have another in there grip) and the man generally seems to pine and desire what was.

 

 

the back and forth calls and emails don't do anything for you if one person in the situation is uncommitted to working things out

 

if the actions don't match up with the words run and run fast because they will break your heart over and over causing you to die a thousand deaths

 

 

that's my story ( in short) and my opinion

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My heart doesn't feel broken any more. I can't believe I just said that and meant it. Wow. It only took 2.5 years to get over a 1.5 year relationship. I'm not totally out of the woods though because if he swooped into my life today ready to commit I know I would. It's not that big a deal though because it isn't going to happen.

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Sounds somewhat similar to my situation. One of us would contact, and then the mess would start. I think some people are just not right for each other - they are just toxic, or at least at a certain point in their lives. It's sometimes sad to think about, but there's no point in being someone if you are so unhappy just for a few fleeting happy moments.

 

Stay strong.

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