BlueEyedBoy Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 About a week and a half ago I had a revelation.... The only person hurting me, is myself. With my constant thoughts of our relationship, the breakup, the infidelity, her. Using my brain in this way is no different to deliberately bending back my wrist the wrong way. I don't want to inflict pain on any part of my body including my mind. Controlling it is actually quite easy, it was realization that it was what I needed to do that was hard. It's all about frame of mind, all you have to do is just stop thinking about them. Do what now? I hear you say. Just stop thinking? like it were that simple? well.... yes, actually. Heres how.... Firstly... No Contact is an absolute must. Don't go hanging around places you know they frequent hoping you'll see them. Ignore thier texts, emails, calls. Keep away from thier my space. If you've not done this yet, its probably early days for you, you may not be ready for this yet, but bookmark this post. You'll know when the time is right. Secondly... Be alone with your thoughts, be quiet and peaceful, one last time revisit the memories of your ex, the good times, the bad, the things you love about them, the things you hate, when you got together, when you broke up. As you go down this journey along memory lane collect together your thoughts as though you were herding sheep. Physically grab hold of them and drag them down the path with you. When you reach the end you will come to a small building with one open door. Go inside, take your thoughts with you, come back out, close the door and lock it. Take a good long hard look at the locked door, picture it, decide which tiny part of your mind you are going to store it in, place it there and walk away with a smile on your face. Thirdly... From time to time, probably daily at first you will find yourself thinking about your ex. when you do, for a moment, remember that door, remember how tiny the space in your mind it occupies is. When your done, think of something you can look forward to, how many lenghts of the pool you'll swim this evening, how many arm curls you can do at the gym. What film you could go and see with your friends. How a jagged array could solve the problem in that c# program you've been working on. The point of this is excersise re-training your brain to accept what is in your life and what isn't one and a half weeks later, I'm a changed person. She doesn't matter to me anymore. Good luck to you. Link to comment
pound111 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I am in a relationship...thinking of ending it but its hard to make that decision because theres really no reason why i should except for me... i wanna explore the world and other relationships.. this is my first serious relationship 4 years running ( since i was 16) so shes my highschool love.. and i do i love her so much its just sometimes i feel like shes more of a bestfriend then a gf ... see she escalated higher then a gf... its weird we fight allot and all this junk.. but theres something about her a good thing but I just have a huge urge to be free and meet a bunch more people and see places but i feel i should always be with her and make her happy .. Sorry for beeing off topic but i just started writing i could have gone on lol but i think its better if i kept that short so i dont spam your post The reason i started writing is to tell you, your brilliant thats the most insightfull information/tactic i have ever heard... if something does happen to my relationship Im 100% sure your insight will help me more then anyone can imagine... Im a through and through canadian lol but it just feels like the kinda moment to say CHEERS MATE Link to comment
Loki71 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I wish I could follow those steps. We have to have contact because of the kids. And since we do not hate each other (at least I don't) we still talk from time to time. I am trying to accept and let go and even thought I was doing a good job till the other day. Everytime I seem to think I am starting to move forward I wind up 5 steps back. I am trying to limit my contact to only when needed for the kids. Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 BEB, that was beautiful and I will use it as a basis for meditation, thanks. Link to comment
HereIGoAgain Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Good post. I'm struggling with the second and third points although I will try the 'thought herding' technique tonight. Third point is a tough one for me as nothing is really helping atm, even programming (I'm a Java man). Restarted practicing my magic tricks but not getting into them as I've no one to show them to. Link to comment
Thalor Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 I wish I could follow those steps. We have to have contact because of the kids. And since we do not hate each other (at least I don't) we still talk from time to time. I completely understand. I want to go complete NC but can't because of our son. We have gotten to the point where our contact is only limited to our son. After the break up I made myself available as the shoulder to cry on. I would comfort her when she was lonely. She would want me to be around her. Now she has a boyfriend. It is funny how I'm not needed anymore. I went to pick my son up this weekend. I had some stuff of my ex's to drop off so I went into the house. The new guy had spent the night, they were still in pajamas. That sure brightened my day. Link to comment
BlueEyedBoy Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 Just thought I'd bump this. 2 weeks since taking this approach and a barly find myself thinking about her at all now. Healing process improved 10 fold Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 That is a great technique -- I am going to use it next time I meditate! Thank you so much for this post. Link to comment
Aleina2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Thanks for this post. At the end of the day, that's exactly what the ex is doing (not thinking about the relationship) and that's why it's so much easier for them... Link to comment
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