Healing but he's still on my mind....all of the time.

[locolady]

Its been a year, and ive struggled a lot but i would finally say I am getting there. I've cried and cried, been an absolute nightmare but finally getting better. However he is still on my mind all the time and its driving me crazy. I am slowly slowly getting some confidence back and i guess this is leading me to wish for an occasion to prove to him that i'm doing better. Ive no intention of breaking NC but i doubt that he would ever contact me and i guess im wondering if this constant thinking about him will ever go away?

 

I have been desperate to talk to him but he refused to ever speak to me so i guess i never got any closure and in the end things became awful as i hassled him and he asked me to leave him alone. I know he is incredibly angry at me (from mutual friends) and just wants to get on with his new girlfriend. So, im pretty sure he hopes we will never talk again. Will this desperate need to leave things less horribly fade over time?

 

I just cant stop imagining what his life is like now, how it would be if we bumped into one another (although realistically i believe he would turn away and ignore me) I'm trying so hard to move on but my god i miss him so much. Will this ever leave me? Or will it always be a battle to be happy?

 

I know he doesnt care about me and i feel so stupid for still caring but i adored him and it hurts so badly. I know he's happy with the girl he left me for and they now live together so i know he has not thought about me for a second.

[locolady]

has anyone been in the position of dumping someone and them reacting very badly so that you got angry and hated them Then some time later have you ever found yourself thinking about them? Even just to hope they are ok now? Or does that hate just remain and you forget them all together?

[bear12]

well, of course. you don't spend any amount of significant time with someone and then just forget them completely! also, psychologically speaking, as time goes on, people tend to remember the good things more than the bad, so i highly doubt he doesn't think of you AT ALL or not have any good memories of your time together.

 

that said, it certainly doesn't mean he has regrets about not being with you anymore or that he wants you back in his life now. that's a harsh reality, i know, but what i've found- if anything- in the two or so years since my most difficult break up is that at some point, there's just no use in trying to think about or rationalize- or, frankly, care, about the relationship or them anymore. the truth is, you're never going to figure it all out, and even if you did talk to him and he was willing to answer every question you had for him, you'd be back to the same place wondering if he was really telling the truth, or if he really thinks those things or what. there's really no answer. what happened happened. who knows whose perception of it is right or what he felt at the time, or what he feels now? humans are incredibly good at twisting their own reality as time goes on and distoring their past and present feelings.

 

so, really, the best thing you can do, is just to stop thinking about it (so much easier said than done, i know!) and move on, and just let it all go... i think he will maybe always be there in the back of your mind... (mine is) but that doesn't mean you'd be better of with him.. it just means you had an experience that- for better or worse- really affected you and your perceptions of the world. don't worry about his feelings. just concentrate on meeting new people, doing new things, and making new memories to compete with the old.