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On being a loner


Sn0man
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I'm pretty much happy for the most part. I am very comfortable in my own skin and can have fun when out with people or just hanging by myself. But i've noticed lately that I actually prefer my own company. I've been single for a few years now, and that doesn't bother me anymore. Running my own business keeps me super busy all the time so in actual fact I really don't have time for a S.O.....but even though I sometimes think I should have one, it isn't a priority for me. I actually prefer my own solitude...being able to do what I want when I want whenever I want to do it, with no one to answer to or anyone to explain anything to. I enjoy the solitude.

 

Maybe too much though.

 

Both of my younger siblings have children, and families. Both are married.

 

I'm the oldest and am not even interested in marriage, have no children, maintain a solitary existence and to be honest am not interested in marriage -at least not now. Someday I know i'll want to go there - but i'm holding out for the right person...too many wrong ones in my life already.

 

This bothers my family and they think i'm weird. I don't think i'm weird...just occupied by other matters. Does this make me weird??

 

Just wondering if my lax attitude towards solitude is outside the norms? I've always been an independent one, but I think my family is beginning to think i'm abnormal.

 

Thoughts?

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You know what you want to do, and you're doing that.

 

You know what you're not yet ready to do, and you're not doing that.

 

You are reasonably happy with what you are doing.

 

Where's the problem?

 

Oh, yes...other people think you're not doing something "right."

 

That's not your problem. People form opinions all the the time on things that are really none of their business. They have every right to those opinions....and you have every right to ignore them. You are the only one who gets a vote in your life. I like to think of it as a benevolent dictatorship rather than a democracy. Heck, I'll even go so far as to say people have the right to express the opinions they have -- provided they observe basic courtesy, kindness, tactfulness and politeness while doing so AND realize that some things are none of their damn business anyway.

 

As for how to react to their opinions, you could get your undies in a bunch and get all defensive and angry.....or let their opinions start you second-guessing yourself up to and including the point you start to do things that you really don't want to do....or you could choose to think they love you, care about you, have good intentions, and mean no real harm.

 

I guess which reaction you choose depends on how you feel about your family and whether or not you want those relationships in your life.....

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....or you could choose to think they love you, care about you, have good intentions, and mean no real harm.

This is how I interpret the reactions I get from my family. They mean no harm, but they don't understand how a fairly intelligent, successful business person such as myself can be this way. And perhaps they have good reason to second guess me. But like I say in the tag line of this post - im a loner. Always have been, always will be.

 

they aren't. hell, my whole family is made up of people who overcame a whole bunch of adversity and are all successful, smart, even rich. I had a lot to live up to, and I did it, a helluva lot better than the siblings I mentioned before.

 

But in the process of 'one upping' them, I think I miised out on the whole other part of life...as in having my own family.

 

I've been so overly focused on career that I haven't had time to do what they all did in their 20's ... im hitting 30 this year and am not near that part of life.

 

That's what they find weird. And I get it - I know there's a lot expected of me, being the oldest.

 

I don't resent them for it - I even admire them. Just wish they could understand that to succeeed in one thing you have to make sacrifices - something they don't understand, because they did this so young (and in a different time period when it was still normal to have kids in your teens).

 

It puts a lot of pressure on me, and sure, I want kids. Always have. But not until i'm ready. I want to be there for my children - unlike my parents were for me. Time for a change in family dynamics IMO.

 

Don't know if i'm asking a question here - perhaps just looking for support.

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I'm the same way. Thats waht parents do. Just accept them for thinking like that and make a joke out of it. As a loner, learn to evolve past the herd, and don't bother trying to convince them and wasting energy on their expectations.

 

On a long enough time-line we are all single.

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