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Why wont my ex g/f give me some closure


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I was dumped recently by my ex amidst rumours of her having

an affair with another girl. I have asked her just to try to work

things out and she has spurned me in some very cruel ways

and shows no interest in reconciling. I am hurting so badly words cannot describe because I stood by this girl and was always there for her through thick and thin in our 1 1/2 year relationship. I am

not perfect and I made mistakes as all human beings do in

relationships. I admitted to them and asked her forgiveness as I am someone who believes in owning up to ones errs. She says she has forgiven me yet brushes me off all the time on the phone never having time to talk to me. By the way I did not cheat on her but rather the mistakes I made that hurt her could be forgiven. I have asked her to sit down and talk to me face to face no strings attached because I just want to be able to understand what went wrong completely and even if it is because of this other woman I can at least have closure knowing that is the real reason we broke up. She hangs phones up on me no matter how nice I try to be when I call her. She told me to please just get over it. This girl used to want to be with me all the time and loved me to death so how can someone just turn against you like that without even giving you the time of day? How can you leave someone hurting and in limbo when you just need to be honest with them and give a little of your time to help them accept your parting and move on hopefully maybe even as a friend in the future? I am angry and hurt and of course feel like this new girl must have some quality or something over me why I was dissed by my g/f. I am going crazy inside with these feelings because I always felt my g/f would have my back in any situation and being cruel to me is not necessary. I have made so many sacrifices for this girl and even though she says she appreciates all of them I feel like that isnt true because actions speak louder than words. If she valued me as a person and someone she once shared a very close intimate relationship with whom she really was in love with and cared for why is it she cant talk to me one last time to help me resolve all my unanswered questions? Anyone in a similar situation who truly understands how I feel and has advice on how to get through this heartache without closure if she never gives it to me please respond.

Thanks a bunch. I'm an emotional wreck because I cant just walk away and forget her but her actions makes me feel like I never meant anything to her. I know thats not true deep down inside but I it feels like she doesnt care how I am hurting and knows she has the power to relieve a little of it but wont and I practically beg. I feel low and demeaned and embarrassed because her friends know I am still in love with her and I want her back and they have me as a laughing stock (crying...) I know alot of people lose control of their emotions when they are heartbroken and thats how I am right now. Only someone who has experienced this would understand what I am feeling right now. Help ya'll.

 

 

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Dude, I know what you're going through. Almost the exact same thing happened to me a month ago, after being with a girl for 3 years. She cheated on me with another girl, and then a month and a half later started seeing someone else behind my back. I lived with her, so she had to put forward pretty big lies to do it too. It's a total betrayal for sure. My g/f told me she doesn't have feelings for me any more too. She also is being a total B*tch, and trying to do and say whatever she can to hurt me. Don't waste your time being nice. You want to salvage something out of the relationship I think.... you remember the goods times you had, and wonder why you can't at least be civil with each other. The fact is that she has no interest in this. I am not sure why this is, but I firmly believe my ex is really messed in the head, and your situation sounds almost identical. I mean, she cheats on you, and somehow YOU are the one being mistreated afterwards? Shouldn't YOU be the one to yell and act like a c*ck to her?

 

This is a tough situation. For me, it's been a month and I am torn apart too. But trust me, with time it starts to get easier - even when you don't have proper closure. It sounds like your g/f isn't willing to give it to you either. Eventually the situation will not be consuming you, and you'll only think about it 90% of the time you're awake.... then 60, and 50. Right now, I still think about my ex a lot. I think about her with the other two people way more than I should. I think about how she tells me she doesn't regret any of it. How I was a fool to stay with her for so long. I think about a whole slew of stuff, and none of it really helps. The fact is, in a situation such as yours and mine, I think you have to let it fade away.

 

My big issue right now is trying to figure out how I will ever trust another woman again. I was already somewhat suspicious of my ex, as she is a very good looking and sexual person. When someone tells you right to your face that she would never cheat on you, blah blah blah, it really hurts when it happens.

 

I wish I could give you some sort of magic pill to take all the pain away. I know a month ago I wanted to die. Maybe I still do at times. You want to yell and scream and sob, and you want her to understand the pain you are going through, and to take a little time and effort to make you feel better. You want to understand why it happened, how to keep it from happening again, and how to heal yourself now. I have come up with no answers for my own situation. Life goes on I guess. Just try to avoid the selfish ones next time. Good luck!

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I know exactly the feelings you are going through. Just recently I was going through the same sort of thing. I was a hardcore student who took my work very serious. My girlfriend of 5 1/2 years (high school too)separated with me because she wasn't happy with me. I didn't really take it too serious and started my fall semester. I learned that she became friends with some dude at work and began spending time with him. It didn't bother me because she convinced me he was gay. Clearly he wasn't. After a big fight I learned that she started to have feelings for him. I lost it and begged and begged to her that I would change and that she was making a mistake but she told me something along the lines of 'to little to late'. She didn't break it up with me but she wasn't sure what she wanted. I finally convinced her to go to couples counseling with me but in the second session, she made it painfully clear that it was over. I didn't want to believe it and agreed to spend one week apart without communicating thinking it would make things better. Come to find out a couple days later she had sex with him-on holloween. This day is important because this is the same day I lost my virginity to her. Ouch!!! We'll a week later I painfully found out and she pretty much broke off communication with me.

I tried to call her and if she did pick up the phone, she would make fun of me and hurt me. She would say things like "I don't need you" and "I'm having a good time now". After a while I stopped calling with the help of my friends and I began to try to move on. Every day I was in pain. Every second of the day. I couldn't concentrate in classes. I even stopped going for a while, which for me was insane. My friends started getting upset because I was letting her get to me but I couldn't help it. It was so painfull because she didn't give me much closure. I felt helpless, worthless, pathetic, and I felt that there is not a single girl that would ever love me again.

I know exactly what you are going through. I know how much it hurts. I wish that when it wasn't really bothering me that I kept my mind off of it and did more things with my friends which I didn't because I felt that somehow she wouldn't approve of it-how insane is that! I know that it feels a little better to talk to someone else and I went to counseling and it helped alot. Find a couple of people that will always be there to listen to you and give you good advice. Hang in there, what else are you going to do? Are you going to let this person ruin your life? No, you are going to kick *ss because she left something damn good.

 

-andrew

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Yep Bron Bron23 you hit the nail on the head. I am not a dude (LOL) I'm a girl. Island Gal is the name I chose so everyone would know my gender but I dont notice the obvious myself half the time so duh no biggie. Nonetheless, advice is still advice and I really appreciate those given by Andrew and tiredofthelies!!!

 

Re: Tiredofthelies

I like your name because my ex told alot of lies and I dont understand people like that because lying is b*s* and really not necessary. My ex does say and do things to hurt me like I am a total b**ch when she knows I was always good to her and we could have worked out the glitches in our relationship if she was willing to communicate openly and honestly and make compromises as was willing to do and kept asking her to. Yes I do wonder why it happened and all I want right now is to have her sit down with me and be brutally honest so at least I can get the real reasons why she walked away without giving it a fighting chance. Thats more or less why I am angry inside and you seem to understand exactly how I feel. Thankyou for sharing. She is selfish I agree.

 

Re: Andrew

She made fun of me and ridiculed me with her friends in the background having a huge comedy fest at my expense. I never felt more humiliated by her in my life than at that point. So I live with the knowledge that they are snickering when they see me and probably poking fun at me even when I dont see them but they see me in public. Its like she enjoys stamping all over my heart and the feelings she once had for me even if they are no longer there dont mean anything now to her even if only out of respect for our past intimacy. I do feel helpless and worthless like I am a failure at relationships and you know whats the appeal of the other girl over me....stuff like that keep reverberating through my mind. You said alot of things about your experience that hit home because it is so real for me right now in my situation. I appreciate you opening up and making me feel so not alone in this b*s* I'm in. I always treated this girl like fine china and did whatever I could within my means to make her happy and always looked out for her best interests. I cant see how a person can just f you over and then walk away not giving you closure. You are right though she left a gem ... ME!

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I realized right after I posted that message that I should have checked which forum I was in first. Truth is, I am a male, but the situation doesn't change.

 

You can want to sit down, and for her to talk to you honestly, but I think it would be a futile request. Someone in her position has no desire to spend the time with you that you need. You want her to drop her defenses and just talk open and honestly. I want that too. The fact is, that when someone has the mindset like this, trying to help you work out your pain is the LAST thing she wants to do. In speaking honestly, it would require you two to look at you, at the relationship, and more importantly - at her. Deep down, everyone knows that doing this is wrong. But if they can maintain a front, they don't have to claim responsibility. If she were to speak to you honestly, the front goes away, and she is faced with accepting the person she really is, and how much it hurt you. It's easier for her just to move on. And that is what you should be doing too... try to forget about her. Her lack of warmth and compassion should help you realize you are much better off without her, no matter how hard it is right now.

 

Like I said before, it is hard at first, but it does fade.

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