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He wasn't real.


from_the_ashes

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About five months ago I signed up for a penpals site, thinking that talking to another person would be really interesting and that I could learn about other cultures. And so, maybe a month later a man messaged me named Blaine.

 

At first Blaine and I exchanged emails, and then later we began sending instant messages. I had thought Blaine was cute, but never really thought that he and I would have a relationship or anything. We had chemistry though, and we both wanted to talk more and more.

 

He and I were talking every night, for hours on end. We got to know one another so well, and we got along just as great too. One day, Blaine told me he had a surprise for me and that he was very nervous to show it to me. I told him he shouldn't be, and so he told me when he was finished he would show me. I got a youtube video link later, with a sweet slideshow of his favorite pictures of me and at the end he told me he was in love with me.

 

We started dating soon after that, despite the distance. He was in Canada, and myself in the United States. We dated for a few months, and every moment of it was perfect. The next thing I knew, Blaine was very upset and couldn't explain to me why. He said he couldn't tell me what was wrong, because he couldn't possibly face me. So he said he'd send me an email explaining everything and that he hoped that we would still be together. He also made me promise that I would read the whole thing and respond.

 

Long story short, Blaine's real name was Jordan. Jordan was allegedly the same age as Blaine, but he used pictures of his friend. I was devastated, needless to say. I broke things off.

 

I feel so lost. Everything I had come to love in Blaine was a lie. Blaine wasn't real. But instead of feeling like I was wronged, I feel like Blaine died...I also feel like all of my hopes and dreams have died with him. I was beginning to believe he was everything I was looking for. However, everything I wanted, my vision of perfection turned out to be fake. I'm mourning someone who never existed.

 

Does anyone know how to handle this? Has anything similar happened to you? Where do I go from here?

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Why did he lie about his real name and looks? Were those the only things he lied about?

 

I ask because you say Blaine doesn't exist, but it seems like the personality was still there, just that he lied about his appearance/real name. What was he hoping to hide by doing that?

 

I've never been in that situation myself, so I can't advise you on how to handle it. Although I'd look into giving Jordan a second chance based on why he lied.

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Well, I did try to talk to him again. He lied out of insecurity. We talked as friends for about a month before I decided it was best to just stop talking. It was still tearing me apart.

 

I feel that in a way, Jordan was hiding behind Blaine like he would a mask. It allowed him to be a different person. Jordan was in essense the same personality as Blaine, but so very different at the same time, if that makes sense. He was rarely on to talk anymore, citing depression out of guilt as his reason for being so different.

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one of my friends went through a similar thing. he was "with" a girl but then found out that she was using another girl's pictures. he stayed with her (contrary to my and other people's advice) and a few months later, she cheated on him.

 

he probably made the account just to talk to somebody, he might have just been too shy to use his own pictures, but the lie grew and grew, until he knew he couldn't keep it up any longer.

 

pathetic.

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Agree with Batya - it's not good to speak too long online and get too attached, because however you feel, it's not 'real'. It's a lesson I've learned, and dating online means that I have got caught up with chatting and getting excited about meeting someone, but until you meet them, I don't think it really means anything.

 

I know some people have had success at meeting people online and developing feelings before meeting, but I've read your story here a lot - that things go wrong. Personally, I try to always make sure that i meet them and fast, because otherwise I can lose months on someone who doesn't exist.

 

Your feelings are natural, and I can see how it happened. i think that it was HIm who was talking to you, but hiding behind a persona. It was kind of him, but a better, jazzed up version of him.

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Pumpkin, I think you're right. He was acting differently because he could act behind a different persona.

 

I know I'll be okay, I just wish I had been more cautious. The funny thing was that falling in love was the last thing I expected from having a penpal. I suppose everything happens for reason though.

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D_Lish, I'm sure it is more common than I would like to believe.

It's very sad though.

 

People should see how adversely it effects those who they do it to, or even experience it themselves. Perhaps that would stop so much of it from happening.

 

Yes it is sad and Im wondering if the friend knows, that his pic was being used on the internet.

 

Did you ever see a 'real' pic of Jordan?

 

I agree with someone else when they said, the online persona was Jordan, just a 'jazzed up' version of him, using a more appealing pic...

 

I think I'd have been totally gutted. And you did the right thing in cutting off contact I feel....

 

If someone can stoop so low and be that deceptive.....says a lot about their 'morals'.

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Yes it is sad and Im wondering if the friend knows, that his pic was being used on the internet.

 

Did you ever see a 'real' pic of Jordan?

 

I agree with someone else when they said, the online persona was Jordan, just a 'jazzed up' version of him, using a more appealing pic...

 

I think I'd have been totally gutted. And you did the right thing in cutting off contact I feel....

 

If someone can stoop so low and be that deceptive.....says a lot about their 'morals'.

 

Yes, I did see a pic of Jordan. I also made Jordan show me himself on webcam in order to prove it was really him. In my opinion he was just as attractive as his friend he was using pictures of, only his friend was a bit more muscular. His friend Chris does know, because when Jordan was explaining everything he told me his name and so I found him on Facebook and told him what had happened. It might not have been my place, but I knew Jordan would never tell him the truth. Not to mention I would want to know if my likeness had been used without my knowledge in that way.

 

I agree, his morals must be terrible to have done such a thing.

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