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Just wanted to share my story...Thoughts?


justletgo07

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Hey everyone. Although this is my first post, I have been reading your stories and threads for over a month now, so I almost have a hard time considering myself a "newbie" here.

 

Anywho, I thought I would share my story. I'm sure many parts will sounds familiar to many of you. So, here goes: (I apologize for the length)

 

I'm 23 and my ex-gf is 21, and we were together for about 2 1/2 years. I know we're both young, and I've always been pretty realistic about the tendency of young love to be both intense and often short-lived. I guess this was just the first one that felt "different". Our relationship has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, with lots of high highs and low lows, and we had our fare share of rough patches, but we never lost that love and respect for each other.

 

The past year has been particularly difficult. I graduated from college last May, while she still has 2 years left. I ended up staying in town (not because of her...didn't want to move back home with the parents), and noticed fairly quickly that the transition from college to the real world is quite a shock to the system. I struggled with depression, frustration with often having very little money, and no time or energy to do much of anything fun. I was very involved in college, always going, moving, and doing, so once I was out, there were a lot of empty spaces in my life. This caused me to lean a lot more on my gf, and in many cases, use her to fill those empty spaces. I also became pretty needy. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure that killed much of her attraction for me, since I didn't have much of a life of my own to share with her. In addition, she was studying for the MCAT for much of this year, so it was not a good time for me to be leaning, nor was it a good time for her to ask me to be strong. On top of that, I think me graduating really made it harder for she and I to relate since we were in such different parts of our lives.

 

Fast forward to about 5-6 weeks ago. As we have for much of this year, we were always arguing and fighting about something. I know now that this was a symptom of a larger problem, but the fighting was starting to take its toll, and neither one of us were happy. One night we got into what I thought was a minor argument, she got really angry, and said that she didn't want to do this anymore and that she wanted it to be over. Of course, I did the crying, begging, pleading, all with no effect. I called the next day multiple times, and she called back that evening and told me that we shouldn't talk for a week. I resisted, but agreed, and waited for her to contact me.

 

She contacted me before the week was up. I kept my emotions under control, told her I agreed with the break up, and that I thought she had shown courage and had made a very tough decision. She later revealed to me that it really upset her that I was taking it so well. She started texting me every day after this. That weekend we saw each other, she invited me to go to a bar, held my hand, and yeah...we ended up in bed together that night. Of course, the next day, she was full of regret and wanted to remain broken up, which broke my heart.

 

Beginning the next week was much harder, maybe harder than the initial break up. I tried really hard not to contact her, but broke that a few times. Ended up seeing her again and staying the night with her for several nights. For the moment, it seemed she wanted to give us another try. However, on the 3rd night of this, she told me that this time felt different, and that her feelings for me were like family, not a boyfriend. Of course, this broke my heart into a million pieces, but I did my best to keep my composure and just go home, even as she was crying about the fact that her feelings had changed (self-pity).

 

That was about 4 weeks ago. Since then, she has texted me & FB messaged me periodically, just to say hi, see what I'm up to, etc. I have been using the time to better myself, reading lots of self-help books, started a workout routine, and began doing the things that I had been putting off. I have even gone on a few dates. While I feel a lot better and the panic is gone, I really miss her, and I would still give just about anything for another chance. The longer this goes on, the more I feel that this isn't about me losing something that was comfortable, or being afraid that I will never find anyone else (because I know I will), but that I really and truly want to be with her. I don't know if it is a "forever" sort of feeling, and I'm not thinking that she is "the only one for me" or "I can't live with out her". I don't need her, or feel like I can't be happy without her. Its just what I would prefer...what would make my heart smile. I know that the best way to create the possibility of reconciliation is to let go completely, but I am finding myself holding on to hope.

 

Over the past week, she has been doing some things that have confused me as to her intentions, and make me wonder if I'm being a fool and letting her take me for granted and use me as a doormat. Last Friday night she texted me and wanted to see me, so I go over to her place, she says she is not feeling very well and doesn't want to be alone. Being the sucker than I am, I stayed the night with her (just slept). Later this week, she texts me asking me what I'm up to, even though she knew I was out with friends, and tells me that she couldn't find anyone to hang out with. She never came out and said it, but it really seemed like she was looking for an invitation (which I never gave her).

 

The next day, she sent me a message apologizing for asking me to spend the night the previous weekend, saying that it was inappropriate and unfair for her to put me in that position, and that she hoped I didn't feel like she was taking advantage of my feelings. I did feel that way, but I wrote back and told her that while I agreed it was inappropriate, it was a mistake on both our parts, but that I wasn't thinking anything like that, and I reiterated that I really did think the break up was a good idea and the best thing for us. We had also made plans to see a movie this weekend, and I took that opportunity to cancel them, with my reasoning being that going to the movies is a date activity, and that after thinking about it, I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to do (Honestly...I meant it half-heartedly). She agreed and said she had been thinking the same, even though she had said in her 1st message that she was excited about going to the movies this weekend. In our string of messages that followed, I told her about what I had been up to, including that I had gone on several dates, and did my best to keep it light.

 

Didn't talk to for 2 days, and then this morning at 2am I get a text asking if I could do her a favor, to which I say ok. She told me she had to leave her car at a bar last night and she had to be somewhere at 8am, and wanted to know if I could come pick her up this morning and take her to her car. I said I would. I know some might have advised me to say no, but I don't think that doing that would have been helpful for me, and I probably would have felt worse. Picked her up this morning, we kidded and joked around, kept things light, and before she left she asked if we are ever going to hang out for real.

 

I'm pretty confused about what is going on in her head, and I'm kinda assuming that she's just using me to stave off her boredom, lonliness, etc. I don't know if I should just tell her that we shouldn't talk anymore and go NC, or if I should just play it cool, let her contact me, and not make some grandiose or rash decision. These last few things have made me feel like I am her backup, or that I am only important to her when she is getting what she wants from me, but have also made me wonder: why is she still holding on if she is not in love with me anymore?

 

Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, suggestions. Don't hesitate to be frank. I can take it.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

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Hey man, sorry you are having to go through all this. It's hard to say 100% what she is thinking so my advise to you is to stop worrying about it. From what you wrote it seems she is getting what she wants out of this. What are you getting besides some girl playing soccer with your feelings? How do you feel after your encounters? Seems like she has you on a roller coaster of emotions and knows it.

 

If anything tell her how you feel. Let her know that you respect her decision to end your relation but now she needs to respect your decision to worry about you for a while. If she pulls the friend card(and she will) tell her it's a possibility but not right now. She has yet to be faced with her choice to end your relationship. You have been there the whole time. She could essentially wean herself off of you and move on leaving you no better than the day you broke up.

 

You're 23 man. Enjoy yourself a bit. You have the world by the balls right now. Take this time to go see what else is out there. If she wants to be with you she will find you trust me. If she does come back, you will be that much better for it b/c you decided to do what was best for you. I know it's hard and there are several directions you can take. I don't always think N/C is the best way but in a situation like this it may be your best bet. Both of you need to get away and think it out. Hope this helped a bit.

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