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2nd Time around


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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Well, here I am back as if it were the first week of the breakup. She contacted me when I ran into her last week. It was in traffic and it was so random that I happened to be next to her...we live a pretty good distance away from each other. I rolled down the window and kept the conversation short..about 15 seconds and drove off. @ hours later theres a text on my phone with a sadface. The last time she contacted me was about 1.5 months ago and I ignored the message. Now I decide i'll answer very short. She writes back to me how sorry she is for being immature during the breakup and she knows I probably hate her. We go back and forth with me just answering questions and not asking anything back.

 

She then says how its so weird that i saw her because she's been thinking about me lately and how she wanted to talk to me. She then says we should meet sometime! I told her that it was fine to talk and to let me know and she said shed contact me next week. Later that night I get another text from her saying "by the way i'm so sorry" I answer it and we continue a small convo which is actually normal.

 

At this point shes making me think shes really interested in getting back into my life in some sort of way. The next week comes around and she tells me we can still meet but she doesn't know if its a bad idea becasue she doesn't want to make things worse for me. I guess it was a case of dumpers remorse and thats it.

 

I decided not to meet with ehr and told her I didn't appreciate her leading me on and of course she says i'm sorry I shouldn't of texted you late that night.

 

Now i'm hurt all over again, why did she do this to me and whats her problem? Am i back at the beginning and have to climn back up again? It hurts even more this time.

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Well you answered your own question. It's just remorse. She feels guilty for hurting you and now she wants to make things okay in her mind. It does hurt all over because she basically just redumped you.

 

Do yourself a favor and stop the contact with her. All you are doing is comforting her. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She has absolutely no concern for your feelings when she contacts you. Selfish!

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Now I feel like she knows I still have feelings for her because I got sucked in. I don't want her back but i want her to come back at some point. We dated a long time for her to just drop me like she did. Is the best thing NC to have her maybe realize what shes done or now that she apologized does she feel better about it and can move on for good?

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Well you answered your own question. It's just remorse. She feels guilty for hurting you and now she wants to make things okay in her mind. It does hurt all over because she basically just redumped you.

 

Do yourself a favor and stop the contact with her. All you are doing is comforting her. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She has absolutely no concern for your feelings when she contacts you. Selfish!

 

I totally agree. This is pretty typical of dumpers..they often try to rope the dumpee back in for an ego boost and nothing more.

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Now I feel like she knows I still have feelings for her because I got sucked in. I don't want her back but i want her to come back at some point. We dated a long time for her to just drop me like she did. Is the best thing NC to have her maybe realize what shes done or now that she apologized does she feel better about it and can move on for good?

 

 

and told her I didn't appreciate her leading me on

 

Well, you called her on her disgusting unfair behaviour so now she is back to square one as far as having something to feel guilty about. It doesn't matter that she knows you are still interested...that just makes you human...what her actions make her, however, is unfeeling and selfish...and she likely knows it.

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Well, you called her on her disgusting unfair behaviour so now she is back to square one as far as having something to feel guilty about. It doesn't matter that she knows you are still interested...that just makes you human...what her actions make her, however, is unfeeling and selfish...and she likely knows it.

 

 

 

I'm still shocked by her behavior...hurting me that much more just so she can feel better. I hope she knows it and it can sit there and eat away at her. I don't know if she'll contact me again now. I thought for sure she would but I guess she really likes this guy. Its been 3 months.

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This is a sticky situation for two reasons. Firstly, you both seem to have some affection for each other, although you seem to care more than she.

 

Secondly, she is probably not doing this out of spite, but out of guilt because she does care for you enough to feel guilty.

 

That being said, guilt should not dictate behavior and you should reduce the risk to your self-esteem by avoiding all contact from now on and enjoying a tiny victory every time she contacts you...not out of spite, but in order to regain your confidence.

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This is a sticky situation for two reasons. Firstly, you both seem to have some affection for each other, although you seem to care more than she.

 

Secondly, she is probably not doing this out of spite, but out of guilt because she does care for you enough to feel guilty.

 

That being said, guilt should not dictate behavior and you should reduce the risk to your self-esteem by avoiding all contact from now on and enjoying a tiny victory every time she contacts you...not out of spite, but in order to regain your confidence.

 

That sounds right, I just feel she won't contact me after this. I'm guessing shell move on with her rebound and just forget about me esoecially if she doesn't see me anymore. I don't know if that's right or not my head is just so clouded up at the moment

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