My cheating fireman--please help

[JadedStar]

The hurt is something that is hard to control, but anger is more in your control. Try not to be angry at him since there were some signs that were there that you clearly overlooked. Just try to realize your part in this and that helps the anger to dissipate. Lessons learned. Look ahead.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Whenever you discover someone is betraying you it is a very bitter pill to swallow. The first couple weeks after the breakup are always miserable, so try to just distract yourself and do things to comfort yourself. Watch DVDs, go to movies and spend time with friends.

 

As times goes on the grief and rage will dissipate to something you can handle, until eventually you will just be disgusted with him and glad you are over it.

[Sierra2214]

Thanks be strongbhappy. I am trying to be strong. Today I feel a little better but still sick thinking he is with the other woman who has no idea about the real truth of him and all the things he told me. I just feel so used now. Unfortunately, I go into deep depressions when there is something traumatic that happens and I am sinking into it now. I have only eaten a banana and some fruit and ensure drinks in the past 5 days and feel I am withering away.

 

I've called a psychologist twice who never called me back and then another who didn't either. That doesnt help. I do have strong moments but then I get angry and sad that he could do such a horrible thing and move on so fast.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

do you have friends you can call? And often, depressions are a biochemical response to stress, and they can be treated with medication.

 

if you can't start eating more normally today, consider going to a physician. the physician can recommend a therapist or a clinic you can go to where they will see you immediately.

[Sierra2214]

thanks bestrongbehappy. I had a little food today -I had to force myself to eat it bc I was going to pass out. I am on anti-depressants though I do need therapy after this event and my past situations with some less than humane men. I did block his phone number as he kept calling me and texting me asking for forgiveness -cingular has a service which lets you block numbers. He called me this morning on anther line that I hadn't blocked yet and asked if I got his texts. I said, no, your number is blocked so I haven't gotten any. He said "so this is how it's going to be" and I said "you made that choice". And that was it. It's so hard not to fall back into his lies. I don't know why he has such a hold on me--I am a very strong woman but for some reason I want to talk to him about it. But I know in my heart, and my other conscience-the logical one, I know that no words can undue the damage he has done as cheating once, let alone twice--there is no excuse. And also, I know that he is seeing this girl which makes it even worse--the last time I talked to him he denied it but I know the truth. He also tells his friends we were broken up and that I was crazy. It angers me because his friends don't know the truth of his manipulations and his twisting situations. I think that is why I am also so angry and hurt-bc I loved him and actually cared and he is making people think that I am the psycho one. I am just hoping I get stronger everyday.

 

I do have one question if anyone has advice-He has a five year old son that I have been invested in and care for deeply. Do I have to say goodbye or is it his fathers responsibility to explain to him why I'm not around. I just know the child is already messed up from his mother and fathers divorce and anger towards each other--so I don't know if I should say goodbye or just let it go and let him deal with it. I really don't want to see him again (my now ex) but I just don't want to leave the child confused.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There is no easy or good time to say goodbye to his child. It is better to just let this be, and let him deal with the boy. Seeing the child and saying goodbye will only confuse the child, and be more traumatic for both of you. There is nothing you can tell the boy that will make sense to him, and you certainly can't tell the child you are leaving because his father is a cheater.

 

So best to just close that door and move on. Let the father deal with the consequences of his own behavior, including explaining this to his son.