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My cheating fireman--please help


Sierra2214

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Hey there. I am in desperate need of help and support right now. I posted here a while ago after my bf was cheating on me. Sorry if I am kind of rambling as I am really distraught. The synopsis of it is that we met and he was already dating a girl which I didn’t know about as she travels and I live and hour away from him. After a week he said he wanted us to be exclusive and after two weeks he wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend and the “I love you” came there soon thereafter. I fell hard for him and thought he was the one as we had unbelievable chemistry and sexual chemistry. He’s 36 with a child and I’m 26. He would tell his 5 year old son that we were going to get married and have kids! The other girl didn’t meet the son as she didn’t want a commitment.

 

He came on strong with both of us (check my first posting) saying he wanted to be with us both and marry us both. I know bc the girl and I got in touch after we figured it out. She didn’t want a commitment but him and I were “boyfriend/girlfriend” (now I know in his eyes, we were just dating as he has said recently that he didn’t cheat, he was just stringing two girls along)

 

So after we both found out I was so upset I had to fly cross country to be with my family as I have no one else where I live bc of my job. The girl and I spoke and compared stories and timelines and she really wasn’t that upset about it bc she didn’t really care. He was having unprotected sex with both of us bc he knew we were both “good girls” which I am.

 

He tried telling her that he wanted to be with her and she told him no and was strong. I knew this. He then called me….And I was weak. He came clean and told me he was just telling her words and that he really was in love with me. I gave in like an idiot because I came back here, was lonely and was madly in love with him. I stopped talking to her as we felt it was best to let it go.

 

So this story broke back in early Sept We had been together since July. And I took him back being lonely, weak and really wanting to believe that he was committed to be with me.

 

And when we got back together things changed. He gave me access to his phone, his bank accounts and we spent all of our time away from work together. And then my insecurities began. I was scared. I thought I could get over it. I would look at his phone anytime someone would call. He is a fireman/emt and his fireman friends he lives with are young jerks and alcoholics that do not like me because they know about what happened and thought I should have left rather than argue with him. And yes, I realize that it is my fault and I probably should have left but I was so in love with him and felt so happy when we were together.

 

So after two months of being together I have been going crazy. Once, he got a call from the hospital he works at and it was obviously one of his nurse friends. He denied he knew the number though he did know who it was.

 

We fought about this one nurse who is a “ * * * * ty married nurse” bc I was insecure bc she sent a text later asking to get cocktails w/ him. He told me he told her at the ER that they weren’t allowed to talk because I was uncomfortable.

 

We end up seeing her at a bar and she is with someone who is not her husband and my bf did not even talk to her—either bc he was with a guy who was not her husband (he’s friends with the hubby) or bc I was there.

 

So it all went down last weekend. He was supposed to come and see and meet my mother who was coming into town. He got off a 36-hour shift and said he wanted to go home and go to bed. I told him (bc of the trust issues and that I thought he was going out) that he needs to keep his phone on him so I will know he’s in bed and not out partying and breaking the date w/ me and my mom.

 

Well he ended up going out. To a bar where his nurse friend was. He was with his buddies and I was crazy enough and angry enough to drive an hour away to track him down. He picked up one of my calls and said he was in bed and then he stopped picking up the phone for hours. He is really attractive and a fireman (many girls like that) so I am pretty sure he was talking to these females. He finally called me and said that he was in bed and I told him I knew he was lying. He denied it but I knew bc I talked to his friends gf.

 

He wanted to drive out to see me as he was so sorry he messed up again-though he said he didn’t get numbers while he was at the bar. The next day he said he would do whatever to prove to me that I can trust him and he was so sorry—sent me flowers etc. I said, then give me your phone records to which he said absolutely not.

 

A day later his mood changed. He said I would never be able to trust him again after breaking the trust circle again and it would just be me “busting his balls” about who’s calling etc. He said that he just wanted to go out with his buddies since he was on a tight leash and knew I would get mad. He told me he had done everything to prove himself but it wasn’t enough to me as I couldn’t get over it.

 

So…fast-forward to last night…I was going insane as I took this man back who I loved and never lied to though he had to me. I started to go online and check out his text messages-though I couldn’t see who was sending them to (I know, it’s crazy but my intuition was too overpowering). He said he was going to bed after I talked to him.

 

I had tallied about 10 text messages between him and someone else around after the time he was going to bed. I have this horrible intuition that it is a female bc he never goes back and fourth between his guys friends and texts. We had kind of broke things off during the day though I didn’t mean it. So now, after me making accusations at him, he said today it is over. And ironically, he is going to dinner at his “buddies” house tonight. I have gone crazy and really think that he is going on a date and was setting it up via text last night. When I am with him he never texts his friends like that. I think he met some girl at the bar and got her number and now is using her as a backup.

 

After all of this, I feel so depressed as I guess I should have given him credit for changing his ways but I was very uneasy, especially bc his friends are young, single, player-like fireman. I am also so angry because he doesn’t understand how hard it is to get over betrayal and trust takes time to rebuild.

I don’t know what to do. I need someone to talk to because I am going into a deep depression as I feel that my world is crumbling. It's taking me a lot to not obsess over it and call him. I don’t want to call him but sometimes I can’t stop myself. It is my biggest weakness.

 

This happened to me with the last guy I dated and I don't know if I cant take it anymore. I don't get it. I know my "private investigating" didn't help over the past few weeks as it drove him nuts but I am scared.

 

ps sorry this might be scattered. I am in a daze.

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Your only with him because he is a fireman. That is all. I think you need to leave him, he is a liar, a cheater and he can't be trusted. You just don't want to open up your eyes because your not strong enough. If you were strong back then & that other female was weak, shoes would of been traded, he would of cared less who he was with. This guy is ridiculous. You know you can get better than this guy? He doesn't necessarily have to be a firefighter, there are other careers out there.

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Well, he's clearly complete scum. I think though that it this point...he is not the issue anymore, the issue is that he continues to hurt and abuse you and you continue to keep going back. From the beginning he has displayed nothing but poor and hurtful behavior so it's up to you now to wean yourself away. It is quite scary that someone can have this much control over another person(you) to the point where you allow him to continually hurt you. Cut yourself off cause this person probably won't ever change.

 

Find some strength within to realize you owe yourself better. He may be really attractive on the outside, but I see nothing but an ugly person here.

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Not all firefighters are like that, sorry if you weren't trying to imply that, but there are many decent ones out there, even the younger ones.

 

All I can say is that I know it hurts and you like him for whatever reasons, but you need to be strong and not call and try not to obsess. He's obviously not worth any of your time if he's going to be that much of a jerk. Sounds like he just doesn't care enough or at all. And from personal experience, for someone to do a 360 and change completely it's going to take awhile, and it's going to take you not talking to that person, given they change at all.

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Thanks for the replies. I actually thought dating an someone with an honorable job would be different from the jerks I have dated in the past. Most of his fire brothers ARE womanizers and use their badges to get women. His Lt actually came up and groped my breasts at his LT promotion party! He thought it was funny- I was disgusted. I am not saying they are all bad but him and his friends are scum. I know I can do better but I haven't felt this way about anyone bc when we are happy it is so blissful. We have the most amazing chemisty...but maybe that is me being naive.

 

I am just so weak right now as I think he is going out with someone else tonight and was setting up a date last night through his texts. It makes me sick to my stomach that he could do this. I don't know for sure, but its my intuition. But I feel so upset now I want to drive out to see if he is telling the truth. And my stronger half says to let it go. But the part of me that loves him and he is devastated wants to know the truth so I can start the healing process. I just dont know who to turn to as I have no friends or family here as I came here for a job.

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You're going to run into guys like that with all professions, but the guys who use their badges to get women are a disgrace to all of us and someone more deserving should have the job. Don't mean to go off on a tangent, but that disgusts me.

 

I can't speak for you, but I'm going to err on the side of it's you being naive, I'm sorry. But you deserve much more than that, any decent person does. What's going to be truly blissful is being with someone who is devoted to you, and only you. Someone who respects who you are. You've gotta be strong, someone like that is not going to change if you continue to forgive them..you're just letting him use you as a doormat. If it's possible you should move back home, and if not, try to save so you can. It wont be easy, but it will be that much easier with people around you who can support you.

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That seems kind of harsh redhearts. mockingly laughing about the chemistry I feel. I'm sorry I thought this was a place to find comfort, not be laughed at. I never told him it was ok that he had another gf. I had a really hard time forgiving him for what he did. It seems like that you are taking offense to my post bc of how I titled it. I am on this site to wake up, to get advice and to find comfort for christs sakes. Please, anyone else with more insightful and not hurtful posts feel free to give me some strength. I am trying to wake up but I need support. And yes, I make more money than him---I am a model and need to be in this area of the country for work.

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That seems kind of harsh redhearts. mockingly laughing about the chemistry I feel. I'm sorry I thought this was a place to find comfort, not be laughed at. I never told him it was ok that he had another gf. I had a really hard time forgiving him for what he did. It seems like that you are taking offense to my post bc of how I titled it. I am on this site to wake up, to get advice and to find comfort for christs sakes. Please, anyone else with more insightful and not hurtful posts feel free to give me some strength. I am trying to wake up but I need support. And yes, I make more money than him---I am a model and need to be in this area of the country for work.

 

I'm laughing at the fact that your making yourself believe something (that you have chemistry, which you probably don't know what it really is) over the fact of the career that he has.

 

I apologise.

 

Okay well tough love doesn't work on you.

 

Look you two are clearly using each other. He is just having you hang around because your a convenience to him. You clearly don't know what love means. A man who goes around dating, sleeping with other women is not into you. He is only in it for either sex, comfort or who knows what. I mean what other reasons do you have besides loving him? He doesn't treat you right, he isn't being faithful, you can't trust him, he has hurt you & continues to do so.

 

Don't you want a man who only wants you? Who treats you good? Who makes you smile? Who doesn't make you doubt the relationship?

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Please, do not go drive out to wherever he is.

 

You mentioned that you make decent money. Get on the internet and look up a therapist in your area, and call tomorrow to make an appointment. Your self-esteem sounds very poor to have allowed this man to treat you this way. I know it's hard when you feel like you're in love, but this isn't love- it's more like obsession. He will never be the person you want him to be, no matter how much you monitor his behavior. There are plenty of guys out there that would agree to the terms of a monogamous relationship. But you really have to have a good sense of self and strength to find them and make a real relationship work.

 

I would also work on finding friends in your area. You need more support so that the next guy doesn't become your be-all, end-all.

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Redhearts-yeah I am not good with tough love. and btw, I was dating a drummer in a famous band and stopped talking to him bc of this guy I met who I had more chemistry with (from myself only I guess). So...it really has nothing to do with what he does as my friends thought I was an idiot for giving up the "rockstar". I actually dont like it at all as all him and his friends do when they dont work is get belligerent.

 

Anyway, I did call a therapist but can't get in until next week. It's funny because when I am single, I have such high-self esteem. But when I "fall in love" I get consumed by it and then I get really depressed and get obsessive when it falls apart because every man lies to me.

 

I would love to go back home to be with my family as they are my rock but my career is about to take off here and I can't just up and leave. Though this has been so traumatic (exacerbated by other failed relationships/liars) I don't know if it's worth it.

 

Thanks for your replies. It's therapeutic to write and have people care who respond.

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Your choosing the wrong men, or seeing their outer appearance, then when you see their true colors you stay, for reasons unknown.

 

Is there a way your family could loan you some money or do you have any so you could go get your own place and stay in the area? Y

 

you really need to leave this guy. What makes you think he loves you, or even cares about you?

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Hey redhearts. I do have a pattern of dating men who are not the most honest. My longest relationship was 5 years and he was the most loyal guy, just drank too much and had no personality--was very serious and had mean streaks.

 

I don't know why I stay. I have this really strong side who tells me I am a naive young girl and that I need to get away and pull it off like a band-aid. and then I have this weak side that always stays in tumultuous relationships. I really hope a good therapist will help me because I can't go on like this. I know in my heart I deserve better and should have never got back together with him. I feel like those girls who I usually pity--those weak ones who let guys cheat on them and keep letting them get away with it. And I never thought I would be one.

 

I don't know what makes me think he loves me besides the fact that he tells me, I feel it when I am with him, and he had really changed his ways to make it work-so it seemed. He has spent everyday with me when he wasn't working and been very committed and stopped going out. I constantly was on his a$$ about the past and couldn't get over it and would question him. It drove him away and I regret doing it. Since I came back to him, it was my choice and I should have let it go after a while.

Though I still know I deserve better...I just feel really weak right now for some reason and I think it is bc I really thought he was the one, or wanted him to be the one. I am 26 and have been through so much- I have just kind of lost it and feel hopeless about love and people being honest.

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ps I don't live with him. I live in my own townhome which is an hour from his house.

 

Oh that is so great to hear!!! Thank you for telling me! Sorry I don't know why I assumed you lived with him. HEH!

 

But woman, your 26 years old you do have your whole life ahead of you! You have so many opportunities, you can meet so many decent men! Or even great men! Don't you want a man who actually respects you? Takes you out? Makes you smile, that you really can sit here and say you trust? I mean your kidding yourself if you say you trust this guy. As far as I know I believe he thinks he has a prize. But I bet there are wonderful men who would love to be in a relationship with you, treat you spectacular, and marry you one day! You need to be a strong person for once in your life, this guy is only going to drag you down into someone you don't want to be. He will only make your life go from when you started good, to now which is a little miserable and constant worrying, to very low.

 

I wish there was fairy dust to sprinkle on you so you'd leave him.

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The sad thing is that we can fall in love with a lot of characteristics a person has, but if they don't have a lot of character, it eventually falls apart.

 

If you subtract your huge attraction to him and your feelings of love for him, you have a guy who is very capable and willing to juggle multiple women and lie to them. You need to remind yourself that even if you think he won't/didn't lie to you, he is comfortable lying and deceiving other women to get what he wants from them. So your problem is that when it comes to behaving honorably and committing to someone else, he has no character.

 

Character is something that is learned at a very young age, and if he doesn't have it now, it he most likely will never have it. You'll go thru cycles with him when he 'behaves' and says he's sorry, but then when you start or relax or the opportunity presents itself, he's back at his old ways. He apologizes because he gets caught, not because he feels any real empathy for the people he lies to and deceives.

 

And some guys are just hounds who like sexual variety too much to stick with any one woman for too long, and if they have the charm and looks to get lots of women, they will use them. You may be his 'main' girlfriend and the one he claims to love, but if he gets bored and can get away with it, he'll lie to other women to get them on the string part time.

 

So I just don't think he's a good candidate for a permanent relationship and marriage, unless you are willing to take him as he is and accept his lack of character, and that over time he will most likely have many other liaisons like the ones you've already caught him at. If you want a guy who is steady, loyal, faithful, and monogamous, this guy just isn't it. You can't turn him into something he's not, especially if he has no character and lies and deceives people (which you have ample evidence of).

 

He's the kind of guy who makes an exciting and fun fling, but a horrid steady boyfriend or husband. Sadly you can't have both in his case.

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UPDATE:

 

So it's over. I had suspicions when his behavior did a 360 from after he went out w his buddies and lied to me last weekend, when my mom was in town and I live and hour away so he knew I couldn't come see him.

 

That week, I notices many text message conversations between him and someone else occurring after he said he was in bed.

 

So on Friday night (he was supposed to work at the firehouse from Sat all the way through Sunday) He told me he wasn't going to drink after he lied to me the weekend before and he is getting out of town to see his buddy and go to dinner w him. I had anxiety all night as this was weird bc he has to work at 630 in the morn. He was only 20 min from my house and said---hey maybe Ill come up after dinner. Then he said they decided to make it a longer night and that he is taking work off now and will stay over at his friends house-which was weird bc he's not the type to just stay at a friends house.

 

So in the morning-I knew. My intuition woke me at 5 am. I got up and drove to his friends house just to see if his car was there. It wasn't. I then drove another 40 min to his house and sure enough he was at home--with a females car parked behind his. I began to feel sick and went up to the window and started banging on it to let me in. He came down and told me to be quiet as his roomie was asleep. He said there is no girl in my bed! I said, yes there is!He had left his cell phone in his car and I had read the text messages telling this girl "I miss you baby" and you can stay at my place if you need a place to crash" He even texted the girl who he cheated with me on at first. So this was before I went up to his door/window. I was hysterical and said just let me come in and get my stuff and leave. He opened the door and told me to stop. I tried to get in and he threw me on the ground and kept kicking me further from the door. I think I punctured a lung trying to get in. I was so distraught. I knew it. This went on for a bit and as he was hurting me I was screaming and crying "why would you do this". I am sure the girl heard upstairs.

 

He said come with me and wanted me to come in his car to get me away from the house. I said no, I will take my car and leave. He was going to pick up his son. I left and then as he went off on his exit went back to the house. The girl came out and I was crying on the porch and said "did you know he had a gf". She said no and asked if I was ok. I then asked if they did anything and she said "no, I didn't sleep w him, Im not like that. We didn't do anything". She seemed sincere till I went upstairs later and saw some extra condom wrappers in the bathroom trash that werent his roomies kind. She said that he had contacted her last week and said he didnt have a gf and "who does he think he is"

Though here is the thing-that day he kind of did one of those "we're broken up things" so maybe he had the right though they had seen and contacted each other during the week as "I miss you baby" (the same text's he gave to me when we first started dating) gave it away. I said dont let him fool you into saying he didn't have a gf and that he wants to be with you because he had cheated on me before and I gave in again.

I said he is going to try to come back to you, and me so be careful.

 

He then started his whole Im sorry thing to me. (remember he was going to come up to my house the next day and was just sorry he got caught) He said we didnt have sex w her and just kissed her goodnight hahaha. He continued texting and calling and I shouldn't have returned anything but I was just so angry, I said you dont hurt someone you love. He said he felt smothered by me bc I didn't trust him hahaha I was giving him flak the whole week while my mom was in town bc I knew something was off.

He said he would move in with me and have no cell phone-he would do anything. I was just texting him "I miss you baby" Oh isn't that nice of you to say to her. And his sorries went on and on. And then he gave the one--my son and I need you--dont leave us. I told him to bring my stuff to my house and I never want to see him again. He wanted to have lunch with me today and then finally I said no, I am going to block u from my phone you creep among other names. Looking back, I wished I had never texted him but I was soooo angry and disgusted.

 

So now the recovery begins. I knew I shouldn't have gone out there but I needed to see for myself so I could try to move on. I feel sick. I haven't eaten in 3 days and have become addicted to cigarettes (I dont even smoke!) I do ok but then I just break down and am so angry and hurt at his doing this to me-again. I am all bruised up and in pain from him pushing me out of the house. And it makes me sick to know he will be out at bars on his next conquest next weekend.

 

I don't know what to do. I go into deep depressions when this stuff happens to me and I can barely get out of bed. you were right redhearts and everyone else, which is why I come on this site to feel a release and I really dont have anywhere else to turn. IT opens my eyes though I knew in my gut he was scum.

 

Where do I go from here? He was my rock (a slimy one). I have no good friends or family here and I know it will take a toll on my job which is hard bc I have to be on-air and I have been crying non-stop and am losing tons of weight as all I can eat/drink are ensures. I am still so angry, and angry at the things men have done to me. Angry at how his friends were enablers bc they didn't like me and angry that he said he was sorry when I knew he was only sorry he got caught. And angry knowing he will be with another woman in bed next week most likely. I feel so sick and would move home in a heartbeat to be near my family who is all I really have.

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Hun, I'm sorry you're going through this. If you read my post's I went through a similar situation almost 2 years ago. Mine was a cop. In any event, you are going to go through a lot of different emotions for awhile. The bright side is, time does heal all wounds.

 

Just take of yourself and keep telling yourself it will get better. Now is the time to go out and make friends and keep yourself busy. I actually moved accross the country for my ex. Even though we broke up I stayed for my career. It was hard at first because all my friends were through him. I eventually made my own nitch of friends and I've never been happier. I'm still single and loving it.

 

You can do it too!! Just keep your head up. One day you'll look back on this and laugh.

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Hey thanks kaligirl for the reply. I feel so sick right now. I don't even want to get out of bed. I am angry at myself for getting back w this a-hole. I hope that time goes by fast so I can get through it. Instead of going out though during tough times-I usually isolate myself.

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You're gonna feel like this for awhile. Hell I think I lost 10lbs when the Loser and I broke up. Just please please do me a favor........... Never, ever talk to this loser again. I made the same mistakes you already have but worse. What's done is done. You know his true colors and are smart enough to know he will never change.

 

I went back and forth with my ex for months. All it did was prolong my healing and make me think I was literally going nuts... I wish I would of just walked away and never looked back. Not only would it have made my healing process smoother and shorter, but it would of made me look like the better person.

 

Instead, I played into his games while he used both me and the OW. In the end I did a lot of crazy things (like driving to his house and beating on the door) and all it did was make me look like a pyscho. Further justfying why he cheated (because I'm crazy) even though that list changed daily.

 

Take this oppurtunity to walk away with what dignity and pride you have left. Yeah it sucks, especially when this is not your first time around with loser men. It's okay though. You can be strong Sierra!!

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Aw, honey, i'm sorry!! that is so tough.

 

It is really hard and painful for you now, but you saved yourself a lot of trouble discovering this now rather than after you'd married and had a couple kids with him. He was handsome and slick but had none of the characteristics you will find in a good man.

 

And there ARE good men out there who will treat you so well and not be like this guy. Next time you will know the signs if he's not a good guy, and don't waste one minute on a guy if you discover he's a liar or a cheater. There are plenty of good guys out there, and you just need to weed out the jerks before you get to a good one.

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The way you speak of these two men ( the rockstar you gave up and this fireman) i can't help but think you just get enamored with people because of their titles and status and still have some growing up to do as to what constitutes a real relationship.

 

Your story would not have been any different for the reader had the fireman and rockstar titles not been interjected and i really wonder why they even were? Most people who speak of break ups don't really talk about the titles of the person in this manner.

 

Next guy you date, date for him, not what he does to earn a living.

 

sounds the this guy is a cheat and there is little you are going to do to change him.

 

You say you have a hard time seeing men for being dishonest, that could be because you are still seeing outward characteristics and looking beyond what the real man has to offer.

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Thanks for the advice. Its all true which is why I come on here. I dont know how to be strong right now. He keeps texting me and is now telling me that I thought you were the type of woman who would be able to forgive and go to get me help. I always knew you would abandon me. He's blaming me. I can't believe it--well yeah I can bc he's scum. I should have never texted him back saying anything. It will stop today and should have. I just thought it would feel better but kaligirl, you are right-it makes me look like the psycho. I need to find a way to be strong but right now I am still in disbelief that he was capable of doing this.

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Don't let him somehow try to make this your responsibility. He is trying to manipulate you. If he were genuinely sorry, we wouldn't be trying to make this somehow be your fault.

 

And read this another way: 'is now telling me that I thought you were the type of woman who would be able to forgive and go to get me help'

 

what he means is he thought you were the type of woman who was a sucker who would put up with that kind of behavior. HE needs to get help, but honestly, i don't think he thinks it is a problem at all. He just thinks he needs to convince you it is OK for him to do this.

 

Remind yourself also that cheaters lie and cheat. That's what they do to get what they want. So any of his words are meaningless, just blah blah blah. He is spewing them out trying to find anything you will accept and buy and then go back to him. They're meaningless to him. The only language he is speaking is 'give me what i want, and let me abuse you and then i'll blame you for the fact that i'm a terrible person. and you're a terrible person for cutting off my nooky.'

 

He's a giant teenager, and you need a real man. A real man has self control and loves his partner and treats her with respect.

 

Remind yourself he literally kicked you out of the house rather than let you see that woman there. So even when caught, he abuses you and tries to throw you out and cover it up. He's just terrible, remind yourself of that.

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Thank you bestrongbehappy. Those were the words I heard in my head but they were all jumbled in my daze. I am so happy we didnt get engaged or that I got pregnant (which he wanted me to, probably to have control). I know it could be worse, I hear all of these stories on here where marriage and children are involved and I don't know how they do it because I havent been able to eat since Friday. I'm drinking ensures but thats about it. I am just so angry and devastated and it doesn't help that two psychologist never returned my calls. I am trying to be strong but the tears dont stop and the anger only gets worse. I will try to be strong though I don't know how-I have no idea how to get over this as I have only felt worse over the past few days.

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