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Found a Note


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So it was late last night and I was on the train. Right before my stop came i was reading in my book and it mentioned someone using a passport. Me realizing I was going out of the country soon realized I should check my experation date on my passport. I have a passport case, and when I opened it up a small piece of paper was inside. I opened it up and it was a note from him nearly a year ago. It was written on xmas I was traveling for work the next day and then going to fly to spend new years with him. I have traveld but haven't used my passport since then. I don't even know if I ever saw this note, I cant' remember.

 

But right away it hit me. Seeing his hand writing, reading his words, it was short and simple but this was at the most blissful point of our relationship. I obviously started to hysterically cry, I just couldn't stop myself. Then today my friend just got a new roots sweatshirt and it triggered that I knew this company b/c when he was traveling before we ever were official he went away and brought me back a tshirt from this company. It was so thoughtful that he thought of me when away and that he wanted to show that.

 

Last night was a big step for me, it didn't make me go and check his stuff out, I didn't call my friends up in a panic and I didn't come on here and post right away. But it was the frist time in months that I actually had the urge to call him, talk to him, cry to him, hear his voice, tell him how I feel. I of course didn't but it was such a weird feeling since I haven't felt that way in months.

 

I hate this, I hate how things are triggering this. At this moment I realized I still truly miss him, even though i don't know who he is anymore, and even though he is sharing himself with someone new. I didn't deserve the breakup and don't deserve to be randomly reminded of tokens from the guy I loved and how he broke up with me.

 

just overall feel down and doubtful about things, it makes me feel like I wasn't good enough and messed up to lose him and that he has someone else and could move on so quickly hurts me. I was laying in bed last night once again thinking of him, longing for him, and he probably was next to her or at least thinking of her.... it just hurts.

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I'm sorry, I know how you feel... I had something like that happen to me too, had a g/f for a couple years, fell in love, broke it off... then when I was moving out of my parents home to my own place, I had to completely clean out my room... of course I find one of her random notes I had thrown behind some furniture she had sent me nearing our break-up because she was so afraid to speak on her own behalf... made me really angry and upset missing her for the first time in months... only reason I'd ever found for hating to clean my room.

 

Just stay strong, the feeling of contact and pain will pass... and you will be better off if you try to get your mind off of it. Get rid of the note, go out, eat out, get with a friend or two if you can and do your best not to talk about it at all, or if you must then vent for a bit, but don't stay on the subject for long or it won't help you. You can control your own attitude, despite how impossible that may seem at the moment. Have a great day!!! Don't let this ruin it!

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Shattered, I too am shattered. I get triggered by memories of her constantly. I never wanted to break up, never ever wanted to leave her side. She did it in a quick and callous way. I have been watching videos on youtube, that is a sure way to start the tears. I used to leave her little notes too, in her purse, travel mug under her pillow. Someday she will think about the love she left behind, but we must find some way to let it go, so we can move on and meet the person that will look into our eyes and see what we bring, and never want to let it go. Feel better soon.

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just overall feel down and doubtful about things, it makes me feel like I wasn't good enough and messed up to lose him and that he has someone else and could move on so quickly hurts me. I was laying in bed last night once again thinking of him, longing for him, and he probably was next to her or at least thinking of her.... it just hurts.

 

That's a really hard feeling, isn't it? I have definitely been there. But I am living proof that it does get better, and with time you will start to feel better.

 

I know it's hard to see right now, but it really has nothing to do with you being "not good enough". When people break up, it's rarely that one was "good" or "bad" or not enough of either of these. It's usually about something being amiss with the interaction, the relationship between two people. And I know how hard it is when one person thinks things are fine and the other doesn't. But I'm telling you as someone who is feeling pretty good these days- it does get easier, and I am now able to see why it wouldn't have worked out with him. He just saw it before me, that's all.

 

Make sure that you are keeping life interesting, trying new things, and remaining open to change right now. It will help you heal faster, believe me. Think of all the things you have ever wanted to do and start doing them. You will be amazed at what can happen.

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Thanks so much for replying!

 

Droptozero & near water - Thanks and I agree, I haven't told anyone about the note yet, my reaction, and how I am feeling today. I woke up ok, had weird dreams, and have been keeping busy. I know it is so easy to just fall back into that sad mood and just talk about the Ex and get swept up in it. I am going out to eat with a friend tonight, she has heard me rant endlessly about this and is always still here to listen. I am hoping that I don't talk about him, just b/c I don't feel he deserves to be on my mind or a topic in my relationships with my friends and family. Oh well we will see, but I am trying hard to get through the day and not let it fully effect me.

 

Bulletproof - thanks so much, I really appreciate your words, that you have also been here and are living proof it gets better. part of me wishes he also was hurting as much as me, but part of me knows if that was the case I wouldn't be where I am now, I still would be hanging around wondering and holding onto the thought we could be together.

 

What really stood out to me to take on change. I have always been find with change, and never thought of it as negative, until this past year. I really never saw it this way as something I need to take on rather then sit back and let happen. I actually need to cause change and I am slowly doing that, but I guess I need a more positive outlook. That I am not causing change to heal, and b/c I have to, but rather b/c I want to and want to better myself. I have flipped things around, but still that negative part of me, the feeling sorry for myself part needs to shut up and I need to look forward to the changes I am occurring and enjoy them, rather then drudge through them.

 

Thanks again... i hope my spirits pick up and I can coax through this without relying to much on crying, talking to friends, or dreaded breaking down and checking his stuff out. That is always the curse for me. I also hope I can get through this bump by not being on here 24/7! At least then I will know he isn't on my mind 24/7 if I am not on here all day at work.

 

Thanks again!

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