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bollocks it all, now i've gone and done it


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That's right, ladies and gents. I've gone ahead and broken the cardinal rule of bisexual/gaydom:

 

I've fallen in like with a very close friend. Again. I guess old habits die hard.

 

It's a godawful feeling, considering she's in a relationship [with a boy].

 

Strangely enough, the question of her sexuality as of now hasn't come up. She's mentioned girl crushes and having been with a girl when she was little, but it was all...past tense.

 

She's extremely quiet around most people, which normally kind of scares them, though apparently I scared her when we first met (apparently I frighten/intimidate the wits out of people for first impressions). But when she's around me, she's much more comfortable and we have the greatest laughs and I enjoy spending time with her.

I guess it's just the random things we have together that really make me ponder.

 

We make a lot of eye contact, which neither of us really do much at all with other people. Especially within a group, even if she's talking to someone else, or if I'm talking to someone else, we make eye contact like we're talking to each other instead. It may be all very innocent, but it makes me feel somewhat special.

We touch more than she touches other people (ie. hugs and sometimes just kinda shoulder resting and whatnot).

I'm pretty sure I'm the one she trusts the most out of all the people we hang out with here.

 

I suppose the one glimmer of hope I have is the fact that she doesn't trust her boyfriend, and I think the only reason she stays with her is because he's the only steady boyfriend she's had and because she "likes helping him".

 

I think he's a nice guy, but certainly nowhere near good enough for her; though I'm not saying that I am.

 

I just care for her a lot and he's just done a lot of * * * * to her that I don't find right and although she's still with him, she told me she's with him because she doesn't think she'll ever find someone she really loves and trusts.

 

Sigh.

 

I just don't like that I've gone and started liking her again. I thought I was over it, but I guess I'm not really. I've got this awful habit of coming back to the thought of being with someone until I've actually been with them.

 

Ah well. I'm still young. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I just needed to get this * * * * off my chest.

 

Any encouraging words would help. Or advice on how to get the girl

 

Cheers!

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Ugh. I'm right there with you. I hate how attracted I am to my one thing. Ugh.

 

At any rate, you can keep looking from a distance. Do little things that would suggest you like her...just so she gets a vague idea of it. Maybe even considers it. Just be prepared if it turns out she's not interested in woman anymore. That sucks.

 

Also, don't let this distract you from other people, in case someone else comes along. But still, I say watch your friend closely. There's something fun in that kind of chase.

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Oh I absolutely agree.

I don't think I'll be too crestfallen if she's straight; I deal with liking straight girls and gay boys all the time.

It's just a slight loss for me, considering that's who I'm attracted to.

 

Maybe I'll make a personal game out of it, just so as not to make it altogether too serious in my head.

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I'd say go for it and forget the consequences just don't come on too strong.

 

Maybe bring up the topic of cute girls and list a bunch (if you are brave add her to the list) and ask her opinion. I've had that conversation with a bunch of straight girls before so I don't think even if she was straight straight it will offend her or anything. If that goes well you could ask hypothetically if she would date a girl what her type would be. Just emphasize the fact its hypothetical and not a serious question and just see what her answers and reactions are, oh and you can always mix this with a little alcohol.

 

It sounds like she's not with her boyfriend for any real reason and she's liked girls in the past, I think chances are better than what they could be.

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God, I was hoping someone would give me that advice ;D

 

I was talking to her today, and I made a joke about how people always tries to get her to talk about herself because she's always so quiet, and she said (somewhat laughingly) "I don't like talking about that stuff."

 

And I said, "Well it's because they just want to know you more. We want to know you more."

 

Immediately she rebutted me, "What are you talking about, I talk to you all the time!"

 

I was a little surprised, I knew we talked more, but I didn't realize it was on such a different level.

 

"Oh, well...then I guess, yea, it's just because you're so quiet."

 

"Well, I don't like them enough to talk about myself."

 

So I said (rather cheerily),

 

"I'll take that as a compliment!"

 

And she goes, "You should."

 

It did make me feel better about the situation, though I'm still not sure if it's because she considers me a very good friend, or if she's somewhat interested.

 

Thing is, we travel on the exact same brainwave. We'll think, say, and completely comprehend each other on the exact same level, and I think it's pretty * * * * ing cool, if I do say so myself.

 

We're very similar, which is one of the reasons I wonder if perhaps she had any considerations on my part, since I like her because she's like me...I mean, could she like me, because I'm like her?

 

I don't know, it's all very confusing and I'd rather not get too stuck on it, but since I'm not like most girls and chat up too much about relationships on my part in person, I might as well just splurge online, right?

 

Right.

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