Jump to content

is there ever a time...


littlemissh
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

Recommended Posts

I totally agree and I have, it was only a few times "in the heat of the moment"...

the problem is is that we can't really stay out of each other's social circles, and he pops up to events where I am with her and totally flaunts her in front of me to get a rise out of me. I don't and he gets angry that I won't hang out with the two of them. I feel SO guilty and if it was me, I would want to know. I don't really want to be the one to tell her, but I feel so guilty?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So feel guilty, process it, then move on. If you don't sleep with him anymore, there's nothing to feel guilty about in the future. When you see them at social events, just politely chat and move on. Your ex's issues are his own- too bad if he's angry that you don't hang out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should have lunch with his current girlfriend, clue her in, then BOTH of you have nothing do with him!

 

He's like a cat lapping up the cream, having a great time at both your expenses. Two women whenever he wants them, fighting over them? Yippee for him...

 

Really, i'd quit having anything to do with him. He's not someone you can trust, and is using you you for sexual gratification and grins.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes, I totally agree.

It was not one of my best moments...

I am not sure about going to lunch with her, we are not really buds. Actually she really despises me, because she is a coworker he has had for a while, and when I broke up with him, she was his "shoulder to cry on" so she knows how strong his feelings are for me. When we are in the same place, he stares at me. They have gotten into many fights over me. So I am thinking her instincts have to be putting something in her head. I just feel that if it were me, I would want to know, right? Wouldn't you want to know what was going on? I feel like a dirt bag, even though it is him that is doing the most wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tell her if it clears your conscience. She will either get pissed at you and remain with him, or get pissed at him and leave him. In either case, you are out of the mess. win/win.

 

He obviously has no qualms about your feelings or hers, so why should you return the favor and worry about his?

 

It's a situation where you should bring sword and lance, and not turn the other cheek, methinks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

when you have been sleeping with your ex, and they are in a new relationship, that you should tell their new partner what they have been doing behind their back?

 

 

I was in a similar situation, but way more complex than that. I did what you want to do and felt awful about it. Revenge seems sweet until you realize you sank so low to achieve it. I still feel badly after a year and several months of doing it. How could I have been that low by her? I allowed her to get the best of me and told.

 

It's best to allow nature to run it's own course and that person will soon enough get theirs. I know you want to make it up to them by telling, but save yourself from feeling worse! You will feel worse even though it will feel great early on. Karma has it's mind on this one. You got to believe that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you don't want anything from him, then how come when he "flaunts" the new gf, does he "get a rise" out of you? Ugh, the whole thing leaves me uneasy.

You should not sleep with him as if it were a game, and "heat of the moment" (especially more than once?!) is a lousy excuse. Why would you do that?

Do you want him back? (sleeping with him isn't going to get you that).

Do you just want to ruin his new relationship out of jealousy? Only you know the answers, but really, I am baffled.

 

Two possible theories:

1. He was sort of keeping you dangling until he got serious with the new gf, and now you feel rejected.

 

(or)

 

2. He is plain ol' cheatin' trash

 

Either way, for your own sake, you should not be sleeping with him.

 

If in your heart of hearts you know that theory 1. may apply, then you should wash your hands of him and the bad vibes that you are feeling.

 

BUT if you KNOW that he is really lousy, then...well, all I can say is that if I were her I'd really want to know sooner rather than later!

 

Telling her would likely create drama for you socially, it won't win him back for you, it will most likely cause friction in his new relationship...on and on...

 

I hope for her sake that if he is scum that she finds out, but I can't imagine any appropriate way for you to be the bearer of such news. Reluctantly, I will have to agree with the other posters and agree that no, you should steer clear, keep your hands clean and your mouth shut.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OOPS! (the above was written before reading page 2!)

 

Not sure what advise to give, but all this sneaky business is upsetting. He should have just been honest with her from the get-go ("i'm not over my ex, i just want to date casually/openly"), and you should have let him go to move on after you broke up with him!

 

You know what, I've changed my mind-- I think you should tell her. That way they can

either sort out their business really and truly, OR she (the new gf) can get out of what sounds like a snakepit.

 

Tell her, and then stay out of both of their lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah... he even told me that hanging out with her was a way to make his pain go away, and then he just kept seeing her because it was convenient and easy.

I am thinking of letting her know anonymously...???? that way I can kind of stay out of it, but I still think she should know.

I did want him back before this, I thought he was just sorting out his feelings before, but now, I realize that he is just using everything to his advantage, trying to get the best of everything.

And, just to answer your question... no, he didn't get a rise out of me flaunting his new girlfriend... I simply said hi to them both, and went about my business, which made him furious with me the next day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well... I guess I should say, I thought he was leaving her for me at that point, and then it didn't happen. That's what he made it seem like... then afterwards was still with her and wanted him and I to be best friends with whole lots of flirting... because he said that he hates to be away from me. That's why I shut it down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well... I guess I should say, I thought he was leaving her for me at that point, and then it didn't happen. That's what he made it seem like... then afterwards was still with her and wanted him and I to be best friends with whole lots of flirting... because he said that he hates to be away from me. That's why I shut it down.

 

 

How did all that make you feel, him leading you on about getting back together and then he ended up staying with her? What would he say specifically that led you to believe that he was going to leave her for you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...