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Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?


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I'm a female, but I have a lot of male friends, my best friend in the world who I tell everything to is a guy and he has a girlfriend. My boyfriend shows no signs of jealousy of me hanging out with guys and is cool with it and I'm cool with him hanging out with girls cause he has a lot of girlfriends too. We trust eachother.

 

But, I always hear other people talking about how it's weird of someone who is in a relationship to hang out with an opposite-sex friend, especially alone. In my opinion, that shows a real lack of trust in the relationship. What do you guys think of this?

 

And what if you're married? I hear people saying that if you're married its just WRONG to hang out with friends of the opposite-sex ALONE. But my best friend and I hang out all the time alone and I dont want that to change when we're married. I think if my husband truly trusts me then he should be okay with it.

 

Opinions?

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I'm friends with a lot of females, and I see no problem with it. At the same time those friendships normally stay confined to the situation that the friendship was formed, especially if they are married or have boyfriends.

 

The girls I was friends with at school pretty much stayed school friends, and when we graduated I no longer saw or heard from them. There are exceptions to this, but generally that is what I've found happens.

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How can you 2 trust eachother if you have to put rules and regulations on eachother like that?

 

I never looked at it as a 'rule or regulation' when I was with my ex... more of a mutual agreement. She started to break the agreement, so I did too. She got really, really hurt (as did I) but I pushed just as far as she did when she wouldn't listen to how badly she was hurting me.

 

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, as they say. Obviously, there were trust issues between us (BECAUSE she was hanging out with guys and not telling me) and we're no longer together.

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How can you 2 trust eachother if you have to put rules and regulations on eachother like that?

 

Just becasue there's trust doesn't mean there should be no limits on a 'leash'. I TRUST my boyfriend but I do not want him over at some chicks house "hanging out". I could trust him with my life, and I still wouldn't like that.

 

I mean if you don't ever let your partner do ANYTHING that's a bit much, but having some limits on what they can or cannot do sometimes has nothing to do with trust.

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I never looked at it as a 'rule or regulation' when I was with my ex... more of a mutual agreement. She started to break the agreement, so I did too. She got really, really hurt (as did I) but I pushed just as far as she did when she wouldn't listen to how badly she was hurting me.

 

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, as they say. Obviously, there were trust issues between us (BECAUSE she was hanging out with guys and not telling me) and we're no longer together.

 

But the reason that you had that mutual agreement was cause you didnt fully trust eachother, which shows in your "eye for an eye" game that you played.

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Just becasue there's trust doesn't mean there should be no limits on a 'leash'. I TRUST my boyfriend but I do not want him over at some chicks house "hanging out". I could trust him with my life, and I still wouldn't like that.

 

I mean if you don't ever let your partner do ANYTHING that's a bit much, but having some limits on what they can or cannot do sometimes has nothing to do with trust.

 

I think it depends on 'the chick' too. If it's their long-time friend who they've known for a while and even before you started dating, I think that's fine. But if it's someone they just met then yeah, I can see where you could get uncomfortable. But then again, if you trust him, why worry?

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I think it depends on 'the chick' too. If it's their long-time friend who they've known for a while and even before you started dating, I think that's fine. But if it's someone they just met then yeah, I can see where you could get uncomfortable. But then again, if you trust him, why worry?

 

Yes it would depend on the chick however, sometimes it really doesn't have anything to to with trust, I trust he'd never do anything like cheat on me or the like but even though I know that it doesn't mean I have to be okay with him spending alone time with a chick- period.

 

It's like if he got a lap dance from a stripped I TRUST he's not doing anything but I don't LIKE him getting a dance. I don't LIKE him hanging out with girls. I'm allowed to not like that. Nothing to do with trust.

 

Now, don't assume I don't allow him to have female friends- I do, and he hangs out with them and what not, but I'm just saying even though I turst him it has nothing to do with me not liking the whole situation.

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I couldn't be involved with or marry someone who had the view that just because I promised not to date or sleep with anyone else that also meant I had to give up male friends. For one thing, I think my friendships with men enhance my communication skills and relationship skills with my SO. I feel the same about his platonic relationships with women. I should add that I define a friend as someone who respects my relationship with my SO so that by definition excludes men who behave inappropriately with me as far as my having an SO.

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Yes it would depend on the chick however, sometimes it really doesn't have anything to to with trust, I trust he'd never do anything like cheat on me or the like but even though I know that it doesn't mean I have to be okay with him spending alone time with a chick- period.

 

It's like if he got a lap dance from a stripped I TRUST he's not doing anything but I don't LIKE him getting a dance. I don't LIKE him hanging out with girls. I'm allowed to not like that. Nothing to do with trust.

 

Now, don't assume I don't allow him to have female friends- I do, and he hangs out with them and what not, but I'm just saying even though I turst him it has nothing to do with me not liking the whole situation.

 

Well, getting a lap dance to me qualifies as breaking the trust..... so I dont see how that compares to just hanging out with a friend.

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I have lots of male friends, and most of the guys I've dated have had lots of female friends. I couldn't imagine it ever been an issue or making rules like

 

-no making new friends of the opposite sex

-no hanging out alone

-or any kind of rule

 

Anytime you put these sorts or 'rules' or pressures on someone, all the trust just goes out the window. When people are given rules, they will push them to the limit.

 

In any normal healthy relationship, you shouldn't have to lay our rules or give ultimatums... I would hate to be in a relationship like that.

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It doesnt mean that me and my boyfriend don't have trust. We have tons of it.

 

It's a mutual agreement, not a rule. Neither of us really WANT to hang out with the opposite sex one on one.

 

Neither of us really even had close friends of the sort before we were together.

 

If we did, that would prob be different. Most of our close friends are same sex.

 

I trust him, but him hanging out with a girl isnt something that I would like. Same with him. I perfer hanging out with guys in groups anyways, I don't like it one on one unless it's my boyfriend.

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It doesnt mean that me and my boyfriend don't have trust. We have tons of it.

 

It's a mutual agreement, not a rule. Neither of us really WANT to hang out with the opposite sex one on one.

 

Neither of us really even had close friends of the sort before we were together.

 

If we did, that would prob be different. Most of our close friends are same sex.

 

I trust him, but him hanging out with a girl isnt something that I would like. Same with him. I perfer hanging out with guys in groups anyways, I don't like it one on one unless it's my boyfriend.

 

I think there's a difference between someone not doing something because they don't prefer to - like not having opposite sex friends - and on the other hand "agreeing" not to have opposite sex friends - in that case you're imposing an agreement but pretending that it's a preference - if it truly were a preference there'd be no need for an agreement -- unless there was a trust issue.

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The way I see it, younger girls with lots of guy friends use the 'trust' argument a lot. I would say that a big part of it is that they like all the male attention. (and most of them know that a good number of their 'just friends' guy friends aren't truly 100% platonic).

 

The ironic part is that as these girls age, and their looks fade, and maybe their in a committed relationship or even married, all of a sudden, it's not so cool for their boyfriend or husband to use the 'trust' argument to hang out with younger co-workers etc.

 

Just my 2c.

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I have many girlfriends (over 50%) and one of my best friends is somebody I was in a relationship with.

 

I will not give them up for any woman. I wont hang out with them less for any woman. I don't care how in love I am.

 

I don't cheat or leave for somebody else. I give 100% to any relationship. If they know me well enough for a serious relationship, esp marriage, then they will know an important part of who I am.

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Personally, I've taken the stance against opposite sex friendships b/c most of the time people who claim there is nothing more than a friendship there are lying. To me, I'd rather not even deal with the possiblity so when I meet someone new who has a female best friend, its a deal breaker... I don't like it if my SO flirts with other women, even, either. Casual friendships where they hang out minimally but are able to talk are fine with me. However, if a guy says to me, "Its very important to me that I am allowed to have a close relationship with my friend, Jessica," I'd say, "goodbye!"

 

To me, its more oppressive to hear the opposite rule, which is, "Trust me!! I am testing your trust for me by having a close female friend, you better trust me!!"

 

Also, anyone who doesn't believe there are rules in relationships or anything else involving humans dealing with one another are fooling themselves.

 

Not all women are like me, so whoever your close guy friend dates is going to just have to be one of those women who are fine with that sort of thing.

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