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Go forward, remain idle or go even harder?


KAT MOMMY

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Ladies do we want our men Scared to stray or comfortable and content enough not to want to cheat....

 

This question is a very serious one for me and I would like to get opinions from all of my trusted friends here at ENA!!!!

 

I spoke to a couple of my family members all female and they couldnt answer the question. Then we spoke about how its not good when the man thinks and feels too comfortable with the situation and then they tend to use $$$$ as the comfort zone or means to agree.

 

Anyway-I wrote my guy a letter-took that leap of faith and let it all out. I expressed why and how I feel the way I do and I also put in major boundaries to what was once limitless. He told me that I am scaring him and that he wears the boxers and he doens't like my aggresive attitude concerning that. So I am wondering what the heck could he be afraid of-is he planning to be running around on me? Or you think it honeslty scares him to think about what "ringing the alarm" may mean because that is what I told him if ever I found out he was unfaithful to me.

 

Any thoughts, suggestions are welcome.

 

Thanks guys.

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are you overly aggresive with him or something? What issues do you guys have. Who starts more of the fights and what are they about. Although i personally dont believe in cheating, if anything was to make me stray, it would be a nagging girlfriend that always starts fights for no reason. like i said though, if it was me i would have just dumped her @ss!

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are you overly aggresive with him or something? What issues do you guys have. Who starts more of the fights and what are they about. Although i personally dont believe in cheating, if anything was to make me stray, it would be a nagging girlfriend that always starts fights for no reason. like i said though, if it was me i would have just dumped her @ss!

 

 

I have been VERY aggressive with him granted the situation we are in. (He is away right now) but I just pretty much put all my cards on the table and let him know what I expect of him and what I will not tolerate. He claims that scares him with me being aggressive and so emotional. usually I am passive and sweet and I tend to keep it light.

Is aggresive behavior the same as nagging? He usually starts the disagreements when he expects me to totally submit to him being a jerk...or when he is wrong and expects me to take his side. That is really the only disagreements we have but as I said he isn't here right now. I just don't want to be sitting counting down and then he comes back and is a * * * * . I like you quote about the present but it's hard to passively deal with the present when the future is amongst us.

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Men stray for a variety of reasons. They aren't happy at home because the wife is hostile and angry or a nag.

 

They cheat because their wives are so passive they can get away with it.

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. When you are with someone, you treat them as you want to be treated and have faith that they will remain true. I don't think there is anything one person can do to keep a partner from cheating....If they are a cheater by nature then they are likely to cheat.

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Men stray for a variety of reasons. They aren't happy at home because the wife is hostile and angry or a nag.

 

They cheat because their wives are so passive they can get away with it.

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. When you are with someone, you treat them as you want to be treated and have faith that they will remain true. I don't think there is anything one person can do to keep a partner from cheating....If they are a cheater by nature then they are likely to cheat.

 

I understand where you are coming from indeed and I don't deny that but I am not going to blame the women in this situation. Maybe she is angry or hostile because she is stressed, maybe she nags because she is hurting. Just like the passive wife is playing her role as a woman should. SO it's not to blame the women here.

 

I am not really looking for a right or wrong answer I am just trying to understand this concept as I've never crossed this bridge before. I know that there are plenty of things that a person can do to keep her man from wanting to cheat. Of course no one can make anyone do anything and that is not what I am looking for because then things would be boring and dull.

 

I don't think anyone is a cheater by "nature" because i was awful before and now I know what it means to be committed so I am not going to cheat. People can and do change

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If I had to scare a man, in order to have him be faithful to me, then he wouldn't be worth my time and effort.

 

I'm not sure if this is answering your question, but this is the best way I can explain it.

 

Take care...

 

Scared to LOSE you, Scared that his life would fall apart if he betrayed you, Scared to live without you.....

 

Not that you have to scare him to be faithful to you! In my case he is worth my time and effort.

 

Thank you....

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Sounds like you are pushing your insecurities from your past onto him... This type of talk would likely drive me away and make me think that the relationship was doomed.

 

Why would you say that? I am OVER the past and this is the present but if you are not careful history will repeat itself!

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Kat...Are we talking about the good stepfather here or the other one that is "away" for a while....Either way I think what keeps a man faithful to his wife or SO is RESPECT for her...You shouldn't have to nag or "ring the alarm", it should be a given....

 

We are talking about my dude the good stepfather. The other one is my ex and the father of my child. The thing that makes the situation so Real is that they both are "away"

 

But I do feel where you are coming from and RESPECT does play an important role in them being faithful but we don't live in the perfect world.

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People betray the ones they supposedly love because they are selfish. Anything else is an excuse.

Be honest with yourself and him. It isn't your job to make him love you or be faithful it is his. The choices we make are who we are......

 

lost

 

Ok this is a sensible answer. It's not that I am trying to make him love me but I am wanting him to remain faithful indeed.

So now I ask you should I go forward and proceed with caution, remain idle until the day is upon me--it's obvious not to go harder!

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I guess it is difficult to comment without knowing the context of the conversation. How were your points brought up? Were they in the context of his past behaviours...were you two already having a discussion of the future of your relationship. If you just brought up those points out of thin air I can see how he would get nervous about the aggressiveness. Those points are best brought up in the context of a free-flowing discussion of the future of the relationship. Also, the boundaries have to reflect what had gone on in the past with him that you will no longer accept.

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I guess it is difficult to comment without knowing the context of the conversation. How were your points brought up? Were they in the context of his past behaviours...were you two already having a discussion of the future of your relationship. If you just brought up those points out of thin air I can see how he would get nervous about the aggressiveness. Those points are best brought up in the context of a free-flowing discussion of the future of the relationship. Also, the boundaries have to reflect what had gone on in the past with him that you will no longer accept.

 

Yes CAD-I took that leap of faith I been afraid to take and I opened up to him and let him know what I expect, what I will tolerate. I was speaking terms of the future and I suppose it may was out of thin air because we didn't have that conversation I just went ahead and allowed myself to be open and honest about him and to give him an idea of what I do think about and the way I want and need it to be. I was firm CAD as we spoke about and this was the first time I was actually that bold with it and maybe because I feel so strong about it.

 

DO we want the fear of God in the men--lol

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Perhaps he was most offended about the tone and attitude you took and less about what the conversation was about. (PERHAPS...)

 

Though every relationship needs to have boundries and both parties need to know about them, sometimes they are implied non-verbally and sometimes there's no boundries until it is clearly laid out- verbally. I like the verbal communication here. He know hows what is acceptable and what is not, I didn't feel the need to say if you do x then I will do y. But I believe it was implied that if he cheats he will lose me. So did I scare him into remaining faithful- not really. I think the same goes for him... I know what I'm allowed to do and not do and I know if I cross that line, I will get dumped. Am I scared into remaining faithful- nope, that's just the part of the shall we call it "relationship contract".

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Yes CAD-I took that leap of faith I been afraid to take and I opened up to him and let him know what I expect, what I will tolerate. I was speaking terms of the future and I suppose it may was out of thin air because we didn't have that conversation I just went ahead and allowed myself to be open and honest about him and to give him an idea of what I do think about and the way I want and need it to be. I was firm CAD as we spoke about and this was the first time I was actually that bold with it and maybe because I feel so strong about it.

 

DO we want the fear of God in the men--lol

 

 

Well, now he knows where you stand which is good. Just give him some time to process it. He was probably just caught off guard.

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