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Finally had to accept it and move forward


fleck1234
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Hi folks, after 7 months of being in contact with my ex and trying to get her back, I have reached the point of giving up. I have been in NC for 6 days and plan on continuing it for as long as it takes to get over her. I made every mistake in the book by begging, chasing, crying, calling, emailing, you name it, I did it. She has a BF ( the guy she cheated on me with ) so I am done like dinner. NC all the way and hopefully a quick recovery. Is it going to be harder for me to get over her because I stayed in contact for so long after the break up ? Any words of wisdom would be great.

NC is going to be hard, but necessary. I love her but I know it is over and time to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with life. If she calls or emails should I ignore or tell her not to contact me again ? Thanks in advance.

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Fleck,

 

Good idea. Remember that there will probably some roller coaster emotional rides even while you are trying to maintain NC. There might some occasional slip-ups and contact being made. Do not beat yourself up for that. Just accept the fact that you did and it will be easier let the emotions fade away.

 

I am only a fan of NC when it is used to clear your life of the toxic interactions that occur. You will know NC has been working when you realize that it would not bother you if they contact you or even if they don't.

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I'm right there with ya. I think we're on the same day. I also screwed it up pretty badly. 3 months of e-mails telling her how much I loved her and hoping that she would come back. I probably just drove her into his arms. I never gave her a chance to miss me. Your not the only one out there bro. It does get easier once you decide to let go but you'll feel strong one moment and weak the next. Just think of it like your kicking an addiction because that's exactly what she is to you. Stay strong!

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Done like dinner, huh?? I got ya and feel that! Does it not suck that you did everything in the world to make her see and for the life of her she just could not?

 

I know it hurts and it hurts pretty damn badly. Sounds like your only option is NC and it is hard. Especially if you tried as hard as it sounds. It is like going 200 mph and suddenly stopping.

 

One day we shall be in a better place than we are now. I just wish it would hurry up. I have always said that it is true it takes time, but it is the time that eats at you. Your days will feel like the movie, "Ground hog Day" with Bill Murray.

 

Finally, do you ever feel like what relationship was she in? Because your view is totally different when you thought the two of you were on the same damn page. That is what gets me the most!

 

Best wishes and better days!

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I did the begging, calling, emailing, crying, etc too. Wish I could take it back, but such is life. From what I've gone through, I wouldn't even respond to just say "don't talk to me, we can't talk, etc." That's just from me though. I feel it puts you in a weird position, allows for them to make excuses, etc. and at the same time gives them some sort of satisfaction.

 

It's going to be tough no matter what, but you know you and your well being/recovery are worth more than what she has to offer. I know you probably already know this, but definitely, DEFINITELY, steer clear of facebook/myspace if she has one. That's what held me back for so long. Although it wasn't talking to her, it was still feeding an addiction, still making a connection to her. It gets easier, but there will be times that you'll get weak, and when that happens do what you need to do. Whether that means coming here or doing a hobby of yours, do it. As you continue to make a pattern of overcoming those weak moments, they become less, but sometimes they become more powerful. But the more you get through them, the easier it becomes and the stronger you get. Just stay true to yourself.

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I did the trying to get my ex back for a couple of months too...also doing all the wrong things. It's been a few weeks of NC for me, at first it was just because there's no choice to move on. Weird, these last couple of days seem to hit me that it's really over, those good memories are gone and will never repeat themselves. I've been really missing him... I guess this is just part of letting him go. I guess 7 months of trying to get her back you must of really loved her, it'll probably take you some time to heal.

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Finally, do you ever feel like what relationship was she in? Because your view is totally different when you thought the two of you were on the same damn page. That is what gets me the most!

 

Best wishes and better days!

 

hmm, I think that. It's confusing, because I was sure I was on the same page as him. I just take it as he didn't love me as much as he thought or said he did. The relationship wasn't taken as seriously to him as it was to me. It's the only way for me to accept why things ended.

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hmm, I think that. It's confusing, because I was sure I was on the same page as him. I just take it as he didn't love me as much as he thought or said he did. The relationship wasn't taken as seriously to him as it was to me. It's the only way for me to accept why things ended.

 

 

I am with ya sister!! That makes it worse! Either that person had you fooled really well or you, me must have been so in to them. Regardless it stings!

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One thing that has really helped me get through is knowing that karma really does exist. My last relationship is living proof. I cheated and lied to someone and never told them that I ever cheated. By the time I grew up and realized that I wanted to be a man and treat a woman right I finally got my heart stomped into the ground. It's all good though. I should be paid up by now I hope! Everbody pays the piper sooner or later...

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i know its tough..lean onf family and friends..keep yourself busy and do all the things you never got to do

 

also avoid pictures, facebook, myspace, etc

 

how long were you together

 

by the way, ignore (this is experience talking)

 

Hi, we were together for over 8 years.

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Thanks for all the great advice and well wishes. I really appreciate it. I have put everything that reminds me of her away, deleted all phone numbers, email addresses and I have closed my Facebook account. I have also told all my friends to not mention her or pass on any info that they know or might hear later. I am also going to avoid the places where I know she might be, including the gym we used to go to, I'm going to join another one and the local bar we used to go to. I will say this here and now- I will not contact my ex for any reason from this point forward. If she contacts me, I will ignore her unless it is an emergency or she is begging for another chance. If I run into her I will try and avoid contact but if I must, I will say hi and get out quickly. Oh boy, this is going to be tough. One week down the rest of my life to go.](*,)

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Good luck fleck, i intend to do the same as of now with no contact after many months of to-ing and fro-ing this is the only way. I'm on day 1, i'm keeping it going.

 

Thanks babes, I don't see any other course of action at the moment. As hard as not contacting our ex's will be, it is the only way for both of us to move forward and get our lives back. Good luck to you and I am sure we can both get through this. I just simply want to get myself back and get my damn life back on track. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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Me too hun, but you're doing really, really well as yet. I can't wait until a couple of weeks pass, when things settle with the nc and when i can feel empowered You got any plans for the weekend? I'm going to try and get out as much as possible now, going out Saturday night i think and then going arrange to do a few things in the week next week. Of course i'll have nights in where i'll try to keep myself busy or simply relax whilst surfing the net, reading a book/magazine etc, anything to keep your mind focused in those first stages.

 

I've done the whole no contact before (with the same ex as now believe it or not) and i kept that going for 2 years, so i know deep down that it can be done, and you know what? I felt better for it, i was the one in control and empowered and it really, really does get better, you just need to ride out the first couple of weeks/months to start believing that.

 

Keep this thread going if you want, i'll join you. Write down any feelings/thoughts, progress made etc, it could help.

 

We can do this!!

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