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Boyfriend is a Conversational Hypocrite


gypsywanderer
Truth About Cell Phones In A Relati...
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So, I had a really rough day at work yesterday. When I tried talking to my boyfriend about it this morning, he basically ignored me/told me to "zip my lips". This is something that generally happens whenever I want to talk to him about something stressful at work--he turns a deaf ear. Now here's the kicker.....he complains about his job just about every single day. When he complains, usually I treat him as I would want to be treated when I vent...I actively listen. SO.....what gets me is where he gets off on thinking that it's ok for him to vent about his job to me, but I am not supposed to say two words to him about my stressful day at work.... Am I missing something? I feel like I can't really talk to him when I need him the most, and such a lack in communication is unsettling.... I have brought up the discrepancy to him, but he either ignores this fact, or just shrugs it off....when he behaves this way, I feel he just doesn't care. I've heard all that jazz about how "men are from mars" and "women are from venus", men hate talking, etc....but is that really any excuse for this hypocritical behavior?

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"zip my lips".

 

That's just extremely rude.

 

I've heard all that jazz about how "men are from mars" and "women are from venus", men hate talking, etc....but is that really any excuse for this hypocritical behavior?

 

No- it is not an acceptable excuse- and the stereotypes used to make those conclusions such as "men hate talking" lack vailidty.

 

It sounds like he is just being plain rude.

 

Next time he wants oral sex tell him that you would rather "zip your lips".

 

(That is not good advice but that would probably be my response)

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The only thing I can really think that might work is for you to ignore his complaints & tell him to "zip his lips". Not as retribution for him doing it to you, but to give him an idea of how it feels when he does it to you. When he asks you why or looks confused, be like "Oh, I thought we weren't going to complain about work to each other". Then mention how sometimes it just makes you feel better to have someone to vent to. Oh well...

 

Everyone needs to vent sometimes. If he still won't listen maybe it would be better if you vented to a friend or family member instead of him.

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That's just extremely rude.

 

 

No- it is not an acceptable excuse- and the stereotypes used to make those conclusions such as "men hate talking" lack vailidty.

 

It sounds like he is just being plain rude.

 

Next time he wants oral sex tell him that you would rather "zip your lips".

 

(That is not good advice but that would probably be my response)

 

LOL I'd definitely say this.

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When I tried talking to my boyfriend about it this morning,

 

The other thing that came to mind is: Do you always try to talk to him in the morning?

 

I, for one, am not a "morning person" so I would probably have a hard time being an engaged listener in the morning.

 

Still, his choice of words was rude.

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I'm really sorry to say this, but I honestly don't know why you're still trying with this guy. I'm not entirely comfortable with how often breaking up is advocated here generally, but in this case I feel compelled to make such a suggestion myself.

 

This is a guy who doesn't want to spend time with you, tells you you're a jerk if you simply ask him to take time away from his video games to be with you, doesn't want to listen to you when you need to talk to him, wants you to pay half towards the house but keep as his house with him owning and controlling it and you only as his guest, etc. etc..

 

He's like the living embodiment of a control freak who wants everything ordered exactly to suit him, and your wishes simply don't figure anywhere in the equation. Do you really think this pattern is going to spontaneously change? If I were you, I'd honestly be giving serious thought to whether or not this is a relationship I wanted to be in any longer. What you've put in this thread is just the tip of the iceberg.

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Men don't ever like to talk. Why? Because they don't listen, and when they don't listen, there is nothing for them to talk about.

 

But boohoo, he can't stop talking, cursing when he gets flicked by a guy that drives past him on the road because he was a little slow at accelerating when the light turns green.

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Belladonna, your comment about lip zipping was p r i c e l e s s! It really cheered me up. Well, by morning I mean like 11:00---he has a job which enables him to sleep all night so he is definitely up and ready to go by then-- I on the other hand work nights and am exhausted by then. George--he complains as much as if not more than me. In fact, he goes online sometimes and finds things to complain about when it's not work. (i.e someone on ebay is shipping something fragile in less than perfect packaging so he will email this person with a nasty letter when he isn't even doing business with them and then complain for days about it). Usually when I vent to him about work it either has to do with my safety--(I work with a violent population of individuals and have had many scary encounters), or it is about something such as going above and beyond and still being put down by my supervisor. Talking about horrible things is the only way I can deal with them, and I guess if he doesn't want to be there for me when I vent about these things, then I will have to find someone else to talk to. But it can't be my family though because right now we are going through enough with my brother being hospitallized with cancer. Last thing I want to do is make my mom worry about me by telling her about things that happen at work. Also, I really don't have any female friends any more. They all pretty much moved out of state over the last couple years. I don't know...I just feel if I don't vent sometimes this stress is going to eat me alive. I guess I could get back into running. That used to help me out. Then I can just kind of mumble to myself like a crazy lady while running 10 miles and burning off steam... But yeah, maybe next time he tries to vent to me I will blow him off just to give him that same feeling and see how he likes it....to provide a teachable moment....alli I like that idea.

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Smyles, you are soo right....that even sounds like my bf....lol Thanks for the support. I really love my bf, but sometimes he can be pigheaded, and it really helps to be able to come here and well...vent lol And everyone's feedback is always great.

 

Karvala, he has made changes in all the points you brought up. As far as the house thing goes, he respected my wishes and dropped the issue. With the video game playing, he never does that when we are together any more. And I've made changes for him as well. We can usually work stuff out. Just some things take a little longer than others. I think this 'venting' issue will be a gradual process. I even brought up the "mars/venus' thing with him bc it lightened the mood, and actually we had a pretty good discussion. He said that he feels compelled to 'fix" stuff, and when he can't that bothers him. I said that I just need someone to listen at which he kind of laughed and asked, "so I should just sit here and nod...how do you know I'm listening if I don't give advice" But I guess now that I think about it, maybe it bothers him when I tell him about stuff that he just can't fix..... I don't know...just trying to fit into his shoes...

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