preciousssss Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I am 22 years old and i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now. he is a very jealous person and i picked that up about him from the start. There have been a few changes with him of recent i must say which caused me to start searching his cell phone. I have been finding conservations with this girl aleast every day, i haven't found anything too sexual per say yet but, i have found texts like i had a dream about u last night, and he would ask her if she is cold and then he would say he wish he could be there to warm her up, and on his birthday, he asked her what she giving him and she asked him if he wants a kiss, and he responded once its nice one night last week he asked her if he could come and pick her up to watch movies but she couldn't make it she had to work, the next night he wasn't working (because he works shifts, he is a prison officer) i was calling him and calling him and i wasn't getting an answer, then the phone stopped ringing and i was getting voicemail which told me he locked off his phone. so i automatically start thinking that the plans he had the night before he doing them at that same moment, low and behold i was right. i went to a spot that i thought he might be which was dark enough and private. and guess what i found his car parked, so i parked my car up the road and walked to his car, them i saw him and the same girl by a building that was there with a laptop watching movies, i confronted him, he say nothing going on with him and the grl they jus watching movies, so i was asking why this location where is remote and dark, he can't give me a decent answer. we argued and argued now i don't know what to do next and think, i really love him and we have been through allot together, i really need some advice in what to do? is he really cheating on me? or am i overreacting? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Oh wow, he is cheating. With all the evidence you have - you shouldnt even be questioning this. Im sorry you are going thru this, give this guy the boot. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Eve if he's not physically cheating, he's being dishonest and shady and lying to you. Was he going to tell you he had plans to watch movies with this chick unless you confronted him? Doubtful. So he's lying and being secretive. From the texts it sounds like he has a thing for her. People don't have conversations like that and spend one on one time with another member of the preferred sex and lie to their partner about it if nothing is going on. I think you know what you need to do... Link to comment
Taomagicdragon Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Shun the cheater SHUN! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Of course he's cheating! If she's just a friend, why is he hiding her from you? I wouldn't even waste my time questioning him, as you'll only hear one lie after another. I'm sorry you're in the situation, but I would pack up, and ship out, ASAP! Link to comment
angellight Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 He may not be ACTUALLY cheating physically, but emotionally? Yes, he is cheating on you...There would be no reason for him to be meeting this girl behind your back if he had nothing to hide. I dont particularly like that part about him shutting off his phone either...You need to sit down with him and have an honest discussion about his behavior...One of those "we need to talk" things... He needs to be honest with you and with himself...If he wants to be with this girl, there really isn't much you can do about it, but you at least, deserve his honesty... Make yourself very clear...He needs to cut off contact with this girl or lose you... The ball is in his court... Link to comment
Smoothie58 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I wouldn't say he is necessarily physically cheating on you, but the fact that he is texting and meeting with her behind your back means that he might have some feelings for her so emotional cheating may be there . There is no reason a guy in a 3 year relationship should be hiding in places with another girl without talking to you about it first.I would be careful with it and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable and ask him if he would like it if the situation was reversed. I would definitely talk it out with him -Good luck! Link to comment
alli Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 That's so ridiculous that you caught him in the middle of a date with this girl & he still denied it. You should have dumped his a** on the spot. You don't have to confront him with all the evidence you have. You both know the truth & he would just deny it again anyway. Just dump him. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 He is definitely cheating. The texts are enough to prove that he's OPEN to the idea of being physically intimate, even though you don't have evidence that he is physically cheating. I wouldn't waste another minute of my time. 3 years & he's cheating on you? I would walk out asap & save myself the misery/drama sweety. Good luck. Link to comment
girl68 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Regardless physical or not... depends I guess what YOU call cheating... but this is crossing the line BIG time! You'd better screw his head on straight... and he better wake up and smell coffee becasue what he is doing is wrong- no if and's or "but I love him's". First he needs to realize he's done a big wrong if he can't fess up to his wrong doing... it's pointless and hopeless to save it. Link to comment
preciousssss Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Thanks for all the advice so far, please keep them coming. i want to also prove to him i know he is emotional cheating on me for sure also but how do i do that without revelling that i have been searching his phone? If he knows am searching his phone i believe he is going to put a lock on it and i can't afford for that to happen. Any ideas? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 You have the proof you need, why do you "need" to prove it to him. Him being out in the middle of nowhere watching a movie with another girl is enough. Why can't you afford for him to lock his phone? Are you planning on staying with him anyway? BTW - if he puts a lock on his phone that just means he's guilty and he knows it. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Thanks for all the advice so far, please keep them coming. i want to also prove to him i know he is emotional cheating on me for sure also but how do i do that without revelling that i have been searching his phone? If he knows am searching his phone i believe he is going to put a lock on it and i can't afford for that to happen. Any ideas? You don't need to prove anything to him. YOU know he's cheating, & he knows he's cheating. You have your proof--you don't need to present it to him; however, from what you said above, I feel like you still have hopes of staying with him & working things out. You don't need any more proof to leave him--the messages & seeing them together was way more than enough. Why do you care if he puts a lock on his phone? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 If he puts a lock on his phone, and you still choose to stay with him, then the problem is with you...not him! Not to sound harsh, but what more do you need to know? Link to comment
girl68 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 You have the proof you need, why do you "need" to prove it to him. Him being out in the middle of nowhere watching a movie with another girl is enough. Why can't you afford for him to lock his phone? Are you planning on staying with him anyway? BTW - if he puts a lock on his phone that just means he's guilty and he knows it. True. You've already busted him; he couldn't even explain it. Ask him if he would think NOTHING of you conversing everyday with a man and then he finds you in a car in a secret place watching a movie on a laptop incredibly inappropriate. I don't think you need to hide the fact you snooped. Sure, snooping is wrong but when you have reason to believe... most normal people will! IF he screams at you for snooping there's further 'proof' it's all bad news. If he puts a lock on his phone, and you still choose to stay with him, then the problem is with you...not him! Not to sound harsh, but what more do you need to know? Exactly. Is he really thinking that you shouldn't have a problem with any of this? And if you let him get away with that... then I can't help but tell you when I read a post "I caught him having sex with _____" by you... I will reply WE TOLD YOU SO. Not to sound harsh- but you need a kick in the rear to get this 'it's not THAT big of a deal' thing out of your head. Link to comment
alli Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 It must be hard for you to decide what to do. You guys have been together for a long time. Forget about the technicalities of "if he is cheating or not?" He is disrepecting you & has no regard for your feelings. He's satisfying his own desire to get attention & physical pleasure from this girl (even if they are just sitting next to each other or hugging, which I doubt that is all they do). You don't need anymore proof, you saw it on his phone & you saw them in person. There is no way this situation is innocent. He can't explain it away. He wouldn't even fess up when you caught him, which tells me he's not going to stop. This situation isn't going to go away. If you want, you could tell him you know he is getting too close to this girl. If he asks you how you know, you don't have to tell him. He is the one cheating. He owes YOU an explanation, not the other way around. You have 2 choices. You can tell him he needs to stop all contact with this girl immediately or else you're walking out the door. Or, you can just walk out the door. I would do the latter. If he does not feel like he has done anything wrong, he's not going to stop. He's just going to hide it better. It may seem too painful to lose him & to end it, but it's going to be more painful to constantly wonder if he is cheating.. which he probably will be.. and ultimately break up later. By that time, you may have healed from this break up & found someone new. I know its crazy to think about it since you've been together so long but what he is doing is wrong; you can't ignore it. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 You already know that he is cheating. If you were to tell him that you snooped through his phone and then ultimately decide to stay with him, he will just more creative in hiding his cheating ways........ Best thing to do is walk. You need not prove anything. Link to comment
danygirl526 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 As someone who was recently cheated on I can safely tell you that YES he is cheating and to save yourself the heartache and walk away now. I wish I would have listened to everyone who told me to do that 2 months ago but I didn't and you know what? He cheated on me again two weeks ago and NOW we're over. Do what's best for YOU and get rid of him. Link to comment
lilwifey2208 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Girl I am so sorry you are walking through this. Let me tell you from experience, he is cheating. Simply by carrying on secret conversations with that girl proves he is emotionally cheating. Then for you to find him in a parked car with her is all the more proof. IF he hasn't done anything physical yet mark my words he is intending to. Believe me when I say this it would be far less painful to leave him now then get married and have to either live with a cheating husband or go through a divorce. not to mention its a whole hell of lot cheaper. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Be strong mija, you deserve better. Link to comment
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