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Yodabell

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I'm not sure if this is the right forum to put this in, but here goes....

 

I was seeing a guy for a couple of months and we then called it off. He'd been an acquaintance for a long time, and I had really liked him for a few months. I felt like he just wasn't that into me after a few weeks, even though he definitely was for the first 3 weeks or so. And he explained to me that things didn't feel right. I also found out he'd not long been broken up from a LTR, and I didn't want to be the rebound girl and got nervous about that.

 

So, I was upset and hurt after we stopped seeing each other. I'm really choosy, and he seems to have a lot of qualities I really admire.

 

I have now found out that he is seeing someone else, and has been ever since (and maybe prior to) breaking up with me. She has a history of cheating, is loud and gobby, and not really a very nice person.

 

I can't believe how difficult I'm finding it to move on from this. I've been feeling really really down some days. I'm doing all the things I can to move on from this, and having had a LTR break up early 2007, I know the process and how to get on.

 

But why has this one guy had such an impact on me? Why am I so bothered about his new girlfriend? I think she's awful, and my head is tellnig me I thereforee must be more awful. The rational part of me is trying to be more logical about it.

 

But I've been waking up feeling upset, alone, and like I'll never meet anyone who wants to spend the time to get to know me.

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Thanks Angel I think it's more that he is with someone who doesn't seem like a good person (I know her through other friends) and I'm not doing myself any favours by comparing myself with her. I'm so insecure about myself around men I'm attracted to, that I think they must pick up on this and just sense it. Around anyone else, I feel confident and sure of myself - my friends can't believe it when I tell them how cr*p I feel about myself sometimes.

 

I know this will pass - it always does. Just a low day. And I really appreciate you taking the time to post on my thread when I know you have much bigger problems than mine.

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I've been there and I know it can hurt even after a short relationship. I wouldn't play the comparison game -- all it means is that he believes he clicks with her more than he clicks with you, whatever "click" means to him - don't presume it means anything about you personally, or your qualities compared to her qualities. It most likely does not (I can never say never but in the vast majority of situations, it does not).

 

Take care.

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You may not be convinced, but I believe that two people are together because they deserve one another. Your ex and his new girlfriend share similar habits, i.e., cheating and the whatnot. You don't deserve someone like, that's why you're not with him. So thank him for doing you a huge favor. He paved you the road to meeting a good man that is deserving of you.

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Thanks CAD - I like that. It's what I keep trying to tell myself and some days it works and others it doesn't. Perhaps I have him on too much of a pedestel. One of my biggest insecurities (amongst all the others!) is that I come accross as being insecure with men I am attracted to. And because I feel nervous and unsure in those situations (until I get to know someone better), I wonder if I come accross as desperate and needy.

 

Because this isn't the first time in my life that this has happened - that I meet someone and we get on great, it all seems good, and the next thing (after a couple of months) - the guy breaks up with me to start seeing someone who is of dubious character.

 

I'm not a doormat, but I do try to treat people well. Makes me think maybe I should start being loud and obnoxious and pushy rather than being a bit more reserved before letting someone in.

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you should drop contact so you don't find these things out about people you date. i don't want to hear about an ex and what they are doing now. friends try and tell me, 'you know i ran into _____ today.' i cut them off right there. don't want to hear it.

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Ghost, I know having no contact is the best thing to do. But in a small community it's easier said than done. I bumped into them at an event held by mutual friends, and we share a couple of hobbies. Although I don't see him around very often, it's not possible to never bump into him.

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an ex is an ex for a reason. Things obviously didnt work out for a reason. Ive come to realize that when i would think about a certain ex or start to miss them after time, it was because i didnt like how it ended and needed closure. Perhaps you need closure in this. Maybe you need to hear it from his mouth that your not a bad person, things just didnt work out.

 

It always helps me to just think of the negativity for a while till im completely over the person. Then i will know what i want out of things.

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Hey, to the OP -

 

Look at it this way, you could have been the rebound, at least now you know you're definitely not. So, I'd see it as a positive. You could have been the girl they all say 'ah, rebound never going to work' but you're not.

 

I doubt his current relationship is going to work out , i seriously do!

 

At least if that does end, and he does somehow come back into your life, and IF at that time you're still interested some-what, well then, guess what, you'd be the more 'serious' girlfriend, and NOT the rebound.

 

Try look at it positively. The one thing you feared - that being the rebound - is definitely not going to / has not happen

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