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Inspired by Dags and Storeys...here goes.


KG

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She had been diagnosed as terminal the day before Christmas, and decided to do every procedure to lengthen her time here. In the end, it took too much out of her to fight it anymore, the severe weight loss, the effects of the Chemo, her body's reaction to the medications she was taking, 27 in all.

 

 

She came home in mid February, to try to put on weight and get ready for the next barrage of tests. But we both knew it was the time to spend home, the hospital couldn't do anything more.

 

Her last day, we spent snuggled up on the couch together, watching Castaway, she had always wanted to see it. We hugged, kissed, held hands under the blanket. our son was at school, it was OUR time.

 

He had gotten home, she had to use the bathroom..was on oxygen. She called to me, she couldn't catch her breath. She had had physical therapy earlier in the day, had climbed the stairs to see our room and our son's, something she hadn't seen in 2 months. And remarked that I had done a good job of keeping the house up. But it taxed her, terribly, getting up there, even with the PT help.

 

She started to lose consiousness, her eyes rolled back, I called 911. They came, and administered CPR, then additional oxygen. I followed the ambulance down, she actually gave me the "thumbs up" as they left the house. I assured her I would be right behind her on the way down. This had been a scenario we had been through before. Nothing unusual.

 

When I got there, they wouldn't let me see her, and I knew it was bad. I started calling friends....

She had gone into cardiac arrest 3 times in the ambulance, they couldn't bring her out of it the third time. My friend went with me to view her body...she had tried so hard, and it killed her.

 

The rest of the night is a blur, I only know what people have told me about telling our son. In fact, the next 48 hours I don't recall at all.

 

I have relived this scene so many times in my mind...I have come to a feeling of OK with it. It's been almost 2 years, and yes, time does dull the effects.

But I feel better for getting this out ther...thanks to Dags and Storeys for letting me remember it all over again.

 

She tried, was dealt a crappy card, and here we are.

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KG -

 

There aren't words that will ever heal this loss for you. We always struggle trying to find something meaningful to say that will make sense of the senseless.

 

All I can say is that I do understand, I had losses that year also and in the months before. No two people can ever compare how each feels with their loss, but I understand loss of loved ones and I wish for you a day when the hurt has passed and only peace remains. I do believe the longing will always remain but then again, that is not such a bad thing, as longing is part of love that never goes away.

 

And that is OK.

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There are no words to say that can bring her back or lessen the pain but just know you are an incredibly strong person and you are an amazing father. I know your wife is staring down at you and is extremely proud of the job you are doing. This story made me bawl like a baby but I am so glad you took the time to share. Once again, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Just hearing you speak of her I know she was an amazing person to know and love.

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Thank you for sharing, KG.

 

I always say that I want to be sure to marry a man who I know would be able to take care of our kid(s) and home if something were ever to happen to me. I am sure that your wife is so proud of the amazing job you're doing raising your son, and how you are being so strong, and picking up the pieces. Somewhere, she is relieved and very happy that she "chose" you.

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Mr.A....

You've known a love that I've never experienced. I'm happy for you in that sense. You're an incredible man, and I admire you for being you. You've come so far, and just know how proud she is of you for what you do...and how you take care of the son you two share.

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I do believe the longing will always remain but then again, that is not such a bad thing, as longing is part of love that never goes away.

 

And that is OK.

 

So beautifully said, M.E. (and good to see you, too, I miss you.)

 

My friend, you know how I admire your grit and will, and what it's taken to face all that you have, and to continue to be a rock for your son, even while showing him it's alright to grieve and cry.

 

Your sharing this really touches me, as I know that these images are unforgettably hard and painful and filled with the blur of sorrow. But I also feel you are a beacon here of what it looks like for the beautiful and cherished, untouched memories of a whole and happy union to reign supreme over those final moments, of departure.

 

I'm glad you joined the ranks of your brave compadres here who have told us of the extraordinary women they loved so hard, through such life-changing events and onward.

 

Your love and the bond you have is forever and ever.

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I'm so glad that you finally got this out too KG. Memories and images like this should be gotten out I think, it just seems wrong to keep it all in your head for only you to see. You have given me so much strength over these past 10 months, I look up to you so much.

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KG, I cried openly reading your story. I send you lots of hugs as I know it was probably difficult to write it all down. Sharing it though is healthy, to be able to tell others helps yourself. I can't explain why but it does.

 

From what you have said about her from past posts and this thread she sounds like she was a wonderful, kind and very strong woman. She was filled with love for you and yours and hers son.

 

I admire you KG, after all that you have been through, after every setback, you still stand strong and tall.

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Mr.A....

You've known a love that I've never experienced. I'm happy for you in that sense. You're an incredible man, and I admire you for being you. You've come so far, and just know how proud she is of you for what you do...and how you take care of the son you two share.

 

couldn't have said it better myself.

kg, your story moved me to tears. You have come so far and your wife is looking down on you smiling at all of your accomplishments and the wonderful son you've raised.

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