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sex on the first date?


dillydilly

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Ok, I been wondering about this for a while now. Back in the days sleeping on the first date was considered to be low (cheap) and 9 time out of 10 the dude will not call you. Now a days I hear people doing this more and more like its a normal thing. Personally me, I havent done so - so I dont know the feeling or experience the outcome of a one night stand.

 

So my question is:

Do men really respect you after you sleep with them after the first date? Are there relationships that actually last after a one night stand?

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I think it really depends on the guy and the circumstances...i slept with my ex husband on the 3rd date.

 

I dated a guy once and slept with him on first date and he actually got very serious about us. I wasn't, it didn't last long.

 

But generally i tend to wait esp if i want to date him cause i think guys do respect you more for not sleeping with them on first date.

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Depends on the circumstances and people involved.

 

I mean, there was this guy I was chatting with online, we met up for a date, I slept with him on the first date, he proposed a week later, we were married less than a year after that first date and all of sudden it's, like, "We've been married for six and a half years now? Where's the time gone?"

 

Oh, sure, that's the exception rather than the rule, and I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to go in expecting that to happen (I sure didn't). But what I would advise is this: Do only what YOU feel you would be comfortable doing. Not only in the moment, but would you be ok with what you did a day or a week or more later?

 

I think the more you can take responsibility for yourself and your actions ("I slept with someone on the first date because that's what I chose to do"), the less room there is for regret later.

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It can go either way. The real issue is if you will have expectations of the other person if you sleep with them so quickly. If you want to sleep with someone on the first date, you have to accept that it is entirely possible it will not blossom into anything more than a one shot deal or you will be just a booty call while he looks for someone else to have a serious relationship with. So what matters is if you are prepared to handle all possible outcomes.

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I agree with the above.

 

Sure, it's okay to sleep with someone on the first date, but you decrease the likelihood of that person thinking of you as relationship material. It's merely casual sex and they will treat it as such.

 

I have a lot of guy friends in their 20s -- they don't think of women who sleep with them on the first date as "sl*ts" but they also don't think of them as potential girlfriends. They need a bit more challenge than that, I suppose.

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it all depends. I know for me there have been afew people that i slept with the first night because we clicked so well. i continued talking to them for some time and one of them i turned out to date for 3 yrs. i will admit though that the majority i do definitly makes the idea of relationship material dwindle. Now if a girl makes me wait a couple weeks and what not, i actually gain more respect for her and gives me something more to look forward to. so basically i guess it depends on the chemistry i have with the person.

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Id make a point of not doing anything apart from a kiss on the first date especially if i like the guy, personally i dont think guys like girls that are that easy. Depends what you want though, if your not looking for anything serious and just want an FWB thing then i guess its fine.

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Id make a point of not doing anything apart from a kiss on the first date especially if i like the guy, personally i dont think guys like girls that are that easy. Depends what you want though, if your not looking for anything serious and just want an FWB thing then i guess its fine.

 

cute pic starlight!!

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I'm not sure about the "respect" factor. It's a greater concern of mine that if you do have sex on the first date, & a relationship does develop--on what grounds does it develop on? Attraction/lust, or because you're truly meant to be together.

 

Also, the sex might not be so great the first-date, whether it's because they don't feel comfortable enough with one another yet, or because they haven't had the chance to develop more intense emotions that cross the line of physical attraction--then what happens? Most likely if the sex isn't great, there's no 2nd date, whereas there might've been had they held back on the sex & worked on getting to know one another better.

 

Ok...I'm trailing...lol I'll stop there.

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I'm not sure about the "respect" factor. It's a greater concern of mine that if you do have sex on the first date, & a relationship does develop--on what grounds does it develop on? Attraction/lust, or because you're truly meant to be together.

 

Also, the sex might not be so great the first-date, whether it's because they don't feel comfortable enough with one another yet, or because they haven't had the chance to develop more intense emotions that cross the line of physical attraction--then what happens? Most likely if the sex isn't great, there's no 2nd date, whereas there might've been had they held back on the sex & worked on getting to know one another better.

 

Ok...I'm trailing...lol I'll stop there.

 

 

those are actually alot of good points there Psych! pat on your back by drewcious!

 

prolly 98% of the time i have sex with someone the first night im drunk but after wards when im sober it takes me a tad bit more time to feel comfortable with them to do it again. It does depend on the person of course and how well we click it but if it does suck, yes i def wont be seeing the girl again!

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those are actually alot of good points there Psych! pat on your back by drewcious!

 

prolly 98% of the time i have sex with someone the first night im drunk but after wards when im sober it takes me a tad bit more time to feel comfortable with them to do it again. It does depend on the person of course and how well we click it but if it does suck, yes i def wont be seeing the girl again!

 

lol thank you drewciouss

 

yea i can't imagine going on a 2nd date even if the guy was a bad kisser!

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The thing is, if you do sleep with someone on the first date, you don't know if the chemistry is sexual or for real. I don't see the harm in waiting a bit to get to know the person before taking the sexual plunge. (Just looking for sex is different; a one-night stand etc). Sex can cloud one's judgment, and what is the harm in waiting?

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i think it all depends on other htings too.. I mean you could be talking to someone for months before you actually meet htem so when you finally go on a date your so comfortable iwth that person it may lead into more.. its not like u wont respect that person because you just vibe so well..

 

I think were i would lose respect for a girl if it was I just met you and then a couple hours later we hooked up..

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i think it all depends on other htings too.. I mean you could be talking to someone for months before you actually meet htem so when you finally go on a date your so comfortable iwth that person it may lead into more.. its not like u wont respect that person because you just vibe so well..

 

I think were i would lose respect for a girl if it was I just met you and then a couple hours later we hooked up..

 

Yeah I was talking to the guy for a month before the first date. I felt like I was already very close to him and he had pretty much told me his life story by that point.

 

We had great chemistry. The strongest I've ever felt for another person.

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It depends what your standards, priorities and values are and how much you are compromising any of those -- if at all-- by having sex on the first date. If your standard is like one poster posted that a stranger opens up to you through typing and talking, and then there is strong chemistry when you first meet, and that feels comfortable for you then you go for it, of course. If your values are more in line with getting to know a person in person over time and being committed first, then be careful about going against those values based on lust - not to say 'don't" just be careful.

 

I completely agree with COD that it requires no expectations beyond the one night, and I think especially women have to be careful about really knowing themselves so that if it is only one night they don't blame the man for "using" them because that miindset can quickly lead to jaded/cynical attitudes towards men.

 

I know of couples who are happily married and slept together right away -- but in general I think it's far more risky as far as chances that it will become long term than waiting. And, if the person you are with habitually has one night stands, the STD risk typically is higher than for someone who waits and gets tested (and usually has fewer partners overall).

 

As far as respect, unfortunately I do think there's still a double standard to some extent but of course it's silly.

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I'm going to go against the grain and say that I'd prefer to be with a girl who will have sex on a first date, and I'd see her as relationship material. I think the "rule" of waiting until at least the third date is very old-fashioned, and I would not want to waste my time going out with someone who has (in my opinion) such backward ideas.

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